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Monday, April 18, 2011

Man Issue: Eating Box is Killing Us?!

Guys, today scientists are trying to save our lives. And make our women hate us. According to some medical professionals, a form of HPV that dudes get during oral sex is a bigger cause for oral cancer than tobacco, say what?

From the NY Daily News:
HPV, otherwise known as the human papillomavirus, is a leading cause of cervical cancer for women but the nasty virus is now causing a spike in oral cancer and ravaging an entirely different group: men.

Cases of oral cancer resulting from exposure to the HPV-16 strain of the virus are hitting epidemic proportions in the U.S., doctors say.

Though the mention of oral cancer evokes images of gravely-voiced chain-smokers, the disease now has a new face: mostly white, male, non-smokers in their late 30s and early 40s.

The tumors forming on the back of their tongues and tonsils have nothing to do with nicotine – they are directly linked to engaging in oral sex with multiple female partners.

"If you've had more than five or six sexual partners, you are at a higher risk," Dr. Eric M. Genden, professor and chair of head and neck surgery at Mount Sinai Medical center told the Daily News. "We're only now beginning to see the beginning of a bell curve."

Women can get it from men as well although their chances are lower, according to doctors. 

Damn man, this is heavy stuff. Now I'm not one of those guys who thinks a vagina is only good for pounding into over and over until I fall asleep. I enjoy cunnilingus now and then. But this is kind of scary. I mean maybe the four losers in the world who use dental dams have the right idea. Mouth cancer sucks some serious balls. By the time you have a baseball-sized lump in your throat you are already pretty much fucked.

So, my fellow men, does this now mean that we must avoid the vagina at all costs unless we are going to plunge it with the old mini-me? Or does this make men who are willing to go down on their women gods beyond comparison, pioneers and suicidal romantics? I'll go with the latter, because let's be real, this isn't going to keep me out of the holiest of holies. I'm badass like that.

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