Iran Hates Ass-grabbing

From Newser:
Some rear action has landed cheeky soccer players in trouble with Iranian officials. Two players are being fined $37,000 each and suspended from their Persepolis team for a celebratory "butt squeeze" following a goal against Damash Gilan in a televised game. 

The "shameless act upset, angered, and outraged" Iranian sports fans, said cleric Jalal Yahyazadeh, who is a member of parliament in the nation where homosexuality is illegal. "What happened is absolutely not acceptable because it was a very ugly thing." 



Look if ass-grabbing or slapping was homo than every ball player in the world would be a flamer. I mean come on in baseball alone the butt swat is a time-honored tradition. I mean we don't live in a country where being gay is illegal, but for fucks sake Iran, if your people want to celebrate with a little cupping of an ass cheek Ari Gold style, who cares?

I will admit that they can probably think up a straighter celebration though. Try doing a flip or something man.

Humpday Hotty Jailbait Edition: Courtney Stodden

Alright this chick is taking the internet by storm. She married one of the actors from Lost and all of a sudden she is trying to be a crazy model or something. All I know is like Dominican ball players trying to get into the MLB, she is definitely lying about being 17, I mean look at this chick.

Look I'll be the first to admit this chick is definitely a dead fish in the sack. Young girls who have had everything handed to them haven't worked enough on those blowjob skills. But I'm sure no man in America would pass up the opportunity to find out for sure.

I Stay Awake for Beibergate '11

Damn this has been an easy night to blog...and a tough night to be the Beibmeister faggot.

From Radar Online:
A 20-year-old California woman has filed a bombshell lawsuit against teen pop icon Justin Bieber alleging he is the father of her three-month-old baby boy, Star magazine is exclusively reporting in its new issue.

Mariah Yeater is demanding the singer take a paternity test "to scientifically confirm" he is the father of the child, according to court papers obtained by Star.

Read More Of Yeater's Shocking Claims Here
The papers were filed in late October and Yeater asks the court for Bieber "to provide adequate support for my baby."

In an affadavit signed under penalty of perjury Yeater says she was 19 years old when she had sex with the underage star backstage at one of his concerts in Los Angeles.

Woah woah woah. The king of pop/virgin new fucked up michael jackson is human? No fuckin' way.

This guy, really?

From TMZ:
Justin Bieber's legal team is ready to strike over allegations the singer impregnated a 20-year-old woman ... allegations that Team Bieber claims are "malicious, defamatory, and demonstrably false."

The woman in question reportedly filed a paternity suit against Justin, claiming she boned the underage singer backstage at one of his L.A. concerts ... and left with an embryonic party favor.

But a rep for Justin tells TMZ, "While we haven't yet seen the lawsuit, it's sad that someone would fabricate malicious, defamatory, and demonstrably false claims."

The rep adds, "We will vigorously pursue all available legal remedies to defend and protect Justin against these allegations." 

Woah man, and I thought that Brady copying old Beiber was still cursing the shit out of the Pats, but I guess now Beiber is taking the high road. In return for fuckin' Brady up mixtape style he will let the Pats get another ring by causing Beibergate '11.

Kudos to you little Beiber, if the Pats win the Superbowl because of this move we shall all bang your girlfriend, yay. Because your PR people fucked you, so hard, Deny 'til you die, like Ari Gold says. Deny deny deny. "No I haven't fucked anyone Selena, I swear!" It's so easy, but no he had to go out huge and 16 because when Usher is your protege you flare up quick, like my last herpes round. And you knock a chick up.

Get some Beibs!

Anyway, I'm calling it, by 12:00PM on Humpday Hotty day Selena Gomez will be single. I'm just sayin'.

Nice Parking Bro

I like how the title of this video assumes it's a woman. I mean don't get me wrong, only a woman would leave their car in neutral and leave it. She deserves having her car totaled when it goes over the edge onto the highway. I bet the insurance company saw this and was like "Like a good neighbor, State Farm says go fuck yourself idiot."

Bank of America Dropping Charge Idea

So in case you haven't heard Bank of America was experimenting with an idea to charge customers to use your debit card. Bullshit right?

From NY Daily News:
Bank of America is nixing its plans to charge a $5 debit card fee.

The bank says in a statement that the decision to scrap the plan came after listening to customer feedback in recent weeks.

The news comes after other major banks, including Chase and Wells Fargo, said last week that they were canceling tests of similar fees.

"Our customers' voices are most important to us. As a result, we are not currently charging the fee and will not be moving forward with any additional plans to do so," David Darnell, co-chief operating officer, said in a release.

The about-face by the banking industry comes amid growing public anger over fees. A movement to get customers to switch to credit unions had marked this Saturday as "Bank Transfer Day."

Fuck Bank of America. Charging to have a debit card? I'm glad every single fucking customer those cocksuckers have complained. This is why I switched my banks. BoA has the worst customer service of any bank ever. It takes about 3 minutes to open an account with them, but to close your account takes like 45 minutes after you wait in the lobby for an hour. Lame as fuck.

I mean even a fucking savings account comes with a debit card these days. The funny thing is that only big banks had the balls to even try charging for a debit card. If my local bank tried that there would be riots. But because Bank of America is massive they try to get away with ten times more douchebaggery. Fuckers.