Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

Alright every fucking year this comes up. And every year I think it's such a stupid debate. You know what I'm talking about. There is always a group of people (my mother included) who think that even though 9 out of 10 Americans celebrate Christmas in some way, we should say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Look, I hate Jesus, but I do exchange gifts with my family because they're all Christian and I'd rather suck it up then get burned at the fucking stake once a year.

According to a Religious News Service Poll we are almost evenly divided on the issue. 44% of Americans think that retailers should use generic greetings like "Happy Holidays," 49% are opposed to it.

But her is the interesting part. The poll found that Christmas is becoming a more and more secular holiday. Americans are 83% likely to watch It's a Wonderful Life, and only 66% likely to attend religious service on Christmas Eve or Day. Welcome to America. Our Catholic Church is infested with pedophiles but still we cannot hang onto our favorite holiday.

The poll also reveals many other statistics about who cares about the "real" Christian Christmas and who just celebrates it for the cultural norm.

To me Christmas is a perfect example of a holiday that Corporate America has grabbed onto, and is now strangling the life from it. They want as many people to celebrate Christmas, because it now entails buying presents. They could give a flying fuck if you even know who Jesus is. Retailers spoon feed us Christmas on a stick and we run out Black Friday and spend all of our money on "deals" which are really just a one-day relaxation of their horrific prices.

Just look at the poor Grinch, the most villainous of the Christmas characters. Put it into perspective. And by the way I'm referencing this guy, not the Jim Carey version.

When we were all kids, we watched the Grinch. Now, the story is about that one guy who doesn't like Christmas and tries to stop it. He is then converted to a Christmas-lover by little Cindy Lou Who. Now of course they surround the plot with humor and wit and shit like that. But this story is essentially demonizing anyone who dislikes and or does not celebrate Christmas to our children at a young age.

The Grinch is probably the favorite cartoon of Corporate America as well. The Grinch takes everyones' presents and they get sad, but then they band together and he sees the power of friendship or some bullshit. The point is the story is saying presents don't matter, but at the end the Whos get their presents back. Okay Dr. Seuss, thanks for brainwashing our kids. But no fucking thanks. Of course I'll still buy shit for my family and get some stuff as well. Because I'm spineless. But the children can still be saved from spending all of their salary at Wal-Mart on Black Friday because of some stupid cartoon.

Would it be cool if we all said "Happy Holidays"? Sure. But look, 90% of Americans celebrate Christmas, so in all fairness we should just suck it up and realize the numbers. Sorry Jews and Kwanzaa-celebrating African-Americans. There are more white Christians than you, so we have to play by their rules.