Finally Techno Will Die

So this new trend of every and their mother liking house music and dubstep and shit is going to finally end. Why you ask? Because Paris Hilton is now on a quest to become the most "powerful" house DJ. And if she succeeds who could argue with taking all the techno-loving e-tards out on a huge boat and sinking it? With Hilton on board too of course.

From TMZ:
Paris Hilton is training her ass off ... working with some of the BIGGEST DJs on Earth ... in a brand new quest to become the most POWERFUL female house music DJ of all time ... TMZ has learned.

Sources close to P tell TMZ ... Hilton has been traveling the world to shadow some super-famous DJs to get some guidance for her upcoming house music album.

We're told Hilton has become pretty tight with HUGE names like Afrojack and Deadmau5 -- and even plans to appear on stage with Deadmau5 in the near future.

One source extremely close to the heiress tells us, Hilton's been told by the best in the biz she could become the "Queen of house music" -- because "no woman has ever taken over in that arena ... and she wants to become that person."

We're told Paris is recording right now in Ibiza (aka House Music Island) with David Guetta ... and is pushing to release the album before the end of the year.

Once Paris Hilton takes up something, it instantly becomes about as cool as Vanilla Ice's old haircut.

Cooler than dubstep

Maybe now that the queen of idiots loves techno everyone will finally hop off of it's dick. But of course it won't happen. All the e-tards will be like "If DeadMau5 likes her, she must be awesome!". Paris Hilton and techno, an idiot match made in hell.


What does being a "powerful" DJ mean anyway? Don't they mean popular? I mean Tiesto is popular but I'm sure Optimis Prime will still wreck him. Powerful is not the right word. "Able to make idiots dance in large groups" is more like it.