No Swearing in Futbol

So Wayne Rooney is a beast. I hate the motherfucker, but he is. Now the cocksucker is looking at a 2-game ban (suspension) because he swore after scoring all three Manchester United goals to bring his team back from a 2-0 defecit.

How many dicks you think he fits in there?

From Deadspin: (follow the link to see video)
Wayne Rooney singlehandedly brough United back from 2-0 down, and all but cinched the Premiership. Now, because of some naughty words captured by onfield cameras, he stands to miss two games, including a big FA Cup match with Man City.

After scoring three goals, the last on a penalty, in the span of 14 minutes Saturday, cameras caught Rooney celebrating with teammates. What he said is up for debate, but it's some combination of "fucking what" "fuck off" and "fuck you." I know, I'm shocked he knows that much English.

Rooney apologized immediately after the match, but that wasn't enough. A 2-game ban, which he can appeal up until tomorrow and is expected to. Because why should he suffer for showing emotion just because the FA's all image-conscious lately?

Alright I'm actually on Rooney's side on this one. Is soccer really this strict? I mean in the NBA and NFL the mics sometimes pick up pretty clear cussing, and even if they bleeped the audio, the video shows his lips clearing telling the opposing team to do something involving the word "fuck". And you know what, that little dude just put up three goals, I think he can celebrate how he likes. Fuck, grab a bitch out of the stands and pound her right there for all I care. Give him a card or something, but a 2-game suspension? That's just fucking stupid. 

Duck Geraldo Rivera!

Damn man, sometimes it is easy pickin's being a reporter. But not in Libya.

From the Hollywood Reporter:

Fox News' Geraldo Rivera came under fire in Benghazi, Libya, on Sunday. Watch the video, above.
Speaking after on Fox and Friends, Rivera said, "It was the kind of situation where it evolved kind of  a single sniper shot, then we took cover."

"There was a wild exchange. It was like a shoot out between two unruly gangs: the professional [rebel] soldiers, the Gadhafi soldiers. Every time they unleashed their salvos, the rebel irregulars would wildly retreat or fire their weapons," said Rivera.

"It was a wild, wild scene. I was as worried about being shot in the back by the 'good guys' as I was worried about being shot in the front by the bad guys," Rivera went on.

"I swear to god, if you give these people weapons more powerful than they have right now, they will be a grave danger to themselves and others," he continued. "They don't know how to use these weapons. At the first sign of a threat, they let loose their salvos. When you have incoming [fire], the time when real soldiers use training and experience… that is non-existent in the rebel army.

"They have the fire discipline of an L.A. street gang," said Rivera. "It was really very worrisome."

Here's the video of the Fox crew dodging bullets.



Alright so I guess I give Rivera a pass for calling out the Libyan rebels for being shitty shots and spooking easily. But dude, shouldn't you count your fucking blessings? I mean if I'm a Libyan rebel who sees this, I'm plugging this douche next chance I get. Of course I can't hit the broad side of a barn because I'm a Libyan farmer, but fuck it.

Only a Fox News reporter is this much of a cocky prick. Aren't the rebels protecting your dumbass? Is Rivera just hoping they don't see his commentary on the video where he compares them to L.A. street gangs? I'm just confused as to why an arrogant cocksucker like this didn't get shot immediately after this footage hit the web. I kind of want to suit up and go put the fucker in the dirt myself.

They are REBELS bro. They aren't trained, they have whatever weapons you can get in Libya (AK-47's). They are just trying to be free man, of course they shit themselves when trained soldiers open up on them. And I saw the video, you shit yourself too you pussy cocksucker.

Shen Teachers Don't Fuck Around

So I saw this reader email on Barstool this morning. I perked up when the reader said it happened at Shenendehowa. Fuck Shen, let's get that out of the way first. They are some pussies who need to pit their fat chicks against each other for fun.

But then I watched the video and man, this teacher does not fuck around when he sees Mody Dick wailing on that bitch on the ground.



Yeah that's right freshman, welcome to the big leagues. This isn't middle school. Nobodies going to yell at you to stop, here in high school we stomp that ass. And I love how he stands over the capsized ship like "What? Get up so I can knock you down again Rook." So badass.

I'll bet fifty bucks with anyone this dude is suspended within the next 72 hours.

Oh and this is why Saratoga fucks Shen's day up. You think Torres is going to get caught on tape whopping somebody? Nah, that motherfucker breaks everyone's phones within a half-mile, then beats the shit out of the kid. This teacher is awesome but Fuck Shen.

Squirrel Exploding Causes Power Outage

Alright so for about two hours on Saurday MCLA and most of North Adams had a power outage. What catastrophic event could cause a two-hour outage to more than a thousand people? A squirrel frying itself at the power company looking for nuts or lady squirrels or something.

From iBerkshires:  
NORTH ADAMS, Mass. — A squirrel is responsible for the power outage on Saturday night that left some 1,400 customers in North Adams in the dark for nearly two hours, including Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts.

National Grid spokesman David Graves said a squirrel got into a substation on Walker Street and damaged a piece of equipment. Some 28 customers in Clarksburg near the substation and another 410 along Route 2 in Florida were also affected. Power was restored at 11:27 p.m.

"All substations are equipped with anti-animal protections but squirrels can get into just about anywhere they want to go to get to a food source," said Graves. 


Alright my first question is where is the security cam video of the squirrel digging into some electrical shit and exploding? I know sure as shit that to cause a two-hour disruption they had to be cleaning fried squirrel guts off of something important.

They sneaking in your gutters, snatching your power up

Second, what the fuck are "anti-animal protections"? Like mousetraps or something? I mean what the fuck kind of animal would get into a power station besides a rat or squirrel or something? Its not like you need bear traps and armed guards. Just fucking seal the place up. Bush league is what that is. How am I supposed to black out on a Saturday night when I already can't see shit? Bush league National Grid.

Special Flip

Worlds First "Special Flip"

Yep, that just happened. Shit is crazy. Fucking Friday. I'm out.