MT. Dew Kills Thirst, and Mice

So some guy was suing Pepsi saying he found a dead mouse in his drink, Pepsi's response was...interesting.

From The Smoking Gun:
JANUARY 3--Defending itself from a lawsuit claiming that an Illinois man found a dead mouse inside a can of Mountain Dew, PepsiCo contends that a rodent would have disintegrated and been transformed into a “jelly-like” substance between the time of the soft drink’s bottling and the day the plaintiff reportedly purchased the soda from a vending machine at his office.

In a court response to a motion filed by Ronald Ball--who claims to have found the dead mouse in a Mountain Dew can about three years ago--PepsiCo filed a fascinating/revolting affidavit from Lawrence McGill, a veterinarian who noted that he was “familiar with the effects an acidic fluid, such as common soda drinks including Mountain Dew, will have on mice and other animals.”

According to McGill, if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” 

Additionally, “its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period,” McGill noted.
After 30 days exposure to Mountain Dew, “all of the mouse’s structures” would have disintegrated to the point that it would not be recognizable. In fact, “the mouse will have been transformed into a ‘jelly-like’ substance.” The only part of the rodent that could possibly survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”

So I guess most people see this and think "I'll never have another Mt. Dew again" but not this guy. I fucking love that shit and you know what the truth probably is. I think that this is true about every fucking soda you can buy. The shit is still delicious and my stomach is stronger than a mouse apparently who gives a fuck.

Kills thirst, and mice

That said, I think this is the fucking best defense in a lawsuit I've ever heard. Just pure brilliance. "You are a lying sack of shit because our product dissolves mice like a motherfucker!" And you know they know it because they've fucking tested it or some shit. Dunk some rats in a vat of Dew and watch it peel their skin off. And I'll still drink it, because I'm a weak man.