UGA Is Fucked

Thinking about going to the University of Georgia? Be warned. Yesterday morning a girl on her way to class at UGA was atacked by a man who attempted to sexually assault her.

Come to class and get raped!

From Huffington Post:
The 22-year-old was walking to catch a bus in South Athens at 7:30 a.m. when a man apprehended her from behind and tried to take off her clothes.
Mark Mack, who lives nearby, heard the victim's screams.
"I just hear this girl shriek really loud yell, 'Help me, help me,'" he told MyFoxAtlanta. "When I come out she was standing here and the guy ran off this way I yelled what are you doing and he ran off."
The attacker remains at large.

Jesus, good thing Mark Mack (can't be his real name can it?) was there to save the day. Only in Atlanta does a dude try to rape you on your morning commute on a Monday. I mean Friday I can see it, but Monday? Come on bro, everyone is just trying to get to class and work and shit without killing themselves, no need to throw a sexual assault in there. Especially with Mark Mack on the case.

UAlbany Cancels Fountain Day

Bullshit alert. After all the shit that went down for St. Patties Day in Albany UAlbany is cancelling Fountain Day. Now I'm not familiar with Fountain Day be here's my guess. It is some random Spring school thing and everyone gets fucked-in-half drunk and does stupid shit. Like every other college semi-holiday everywhere. Well, the fuckin' President has had enough apparently.

Dear University at Albany Students:

On Saturday, March 12th, we were faced with the knowledge that a number of UAlbany students participated in destructive activities in the City of Albany.  We are struggling to understand why these students would blatantly disrespect themselves, their neighbors, and the values of this campus in order to participate in such negative behavior.   The shocking conduct of a few that day stands in stark contrast to the behavior of the vast majority of hard working students who are intent on pursuing an education and contributing to society. 

The University is now facing severe criticism.  The behavior exhibited by some of our students has many questioning the integrity of our University and, as a community, we must respond.  Consequently, we face some difficult choices, including the future of Fountain Day. 

Recent Fountain Day activities have required substantial efforts to mitigate negative student behavior.  While Fountain Day continues to be a source of school pride, there remains a contingent of students who use this day as an excuse to promote excessive alcohol consumption that compromises everyone's safety. 

Although I am deeply saddened by this decision, I am announcing the suspension of Fountain Day in 2011.  I regret that this action will punish students who had no role in the disturbing events of March 12.  But the need to proactively respond and to uphold our reputation has never been greater.  In light of last weekend's incidents and difficulties with Fountain Day in prior years, we simply cannot continue to sponsor this event in its current form.

This is a regrettable choice, but the right decision.  There is much at stake here: your education, your future success, and the success of the University at Albany.  I call upon each of you to work together during the next academic year to develop a spring event that can become a meaningful, safe and fun tradition.  We must stand together in our resolve to forge the future we envision together.

Sincerely yours,

George M. Philip
President

Not in the email

Did I miss something here? What "reputation" is Georgie talking about? "Integrity"? You are president of a state school bro. State schools are cheap, so no one gives a fuck and wants to get drunk and burn shit and eat people. It's okay dude, your reputation is a pretty good, cheap school. We all get it, it's not Princeton.


Anyway Great Danes, looks like you guys fucked up this time. Now the administration is going to be up everyone's ass every time a drunk student even crosses the quad. It's bullshit, but maybe destroying random cars and assaulting police was a little much. I'm just saying.

Bam Margera Knocked Out

According to TMZ Bam Margera, Jackass alum and Viva la Bam star, got knocked the fuck out by some dude. Apparently Bam was calling some grenade a beached whale and her friend clocked him good. Apparently he was out cold for seven minutes.

From TMZ:
Bam says the woman's friend punched him in the face and the two began fighting.  Bam fell  to the ground and the woman then delivered the knockout blow.  Bam was out for 7 minutes.

Bam says his face was "covered in blood" and he has a black eye.  On top of that, he lost his $500 bracelet.

 Bam Margera is a bitch. Not because he made fun of some huge chick during SXSW at his hotel. Not because he fought her friend who came after him. But because he got knocked the fuck out by the land mine's friend and then they took his $500 bracelet. The bitch probably farted on his face during the seven minutes he was out too. Such a bitch.

400lb Guy Puts Lazy Fucks to Shame

From Guyism:
Kelly Gneiting weighed in at a little over 396 pounds on Sunday, a common number for a man with his career of sumo wrestler. But while all that mass is an asset in the world of sumo, it’s not as good for marathon running, the task which Gneiting tried his hand at this weekend in the L.A. Marathon.


Gneiting set a Guinness World Record for being the heaviest man to complete a marathon, crushing the previous record of 275 pounds set in 2008.


Dude, this guy is the man. I mean jesus he already does the only thing that makes fat dudes cool, sumo wrestling, so what does he do next? Shame every other dude in the world by running a marathon at 396lbs. Like a boss.

Holy fuckin' shit dude. I weigh like 45lbs and I would end up throwing myself in front of a bus if I tried to run a marathon. Fuck, I can't run more then 5 miles in the best of shape.

Oh and if you didn't notice, this dude isn't even Japanese. Nuclear fallout mutant Japanese sumo wrestlers aren't running marathons are they? No sir.

AT&T Planning Big Things

From the Daily Beast:
...the business world was pleasantly rocked by the announcement of a mega-deal: the planned $39 billion acquisition of T-Mobile USA by AT&T. If the deal is approved, AT&T will add nearly 35 million new subscribers and vault past Verizon to become the largest wireless carrier in the United States with about 129 million customers, surpassing Verizon’s 100 million or so.

Well well fucking well. I'm a Verizon guy myself, but all these cell companies are assholes. But if this merger gets approved, then AT&T and Verizon will basically rule the cell phone industry. All you people with Sprint will be executed for being so stubborn for not conforming to either the Verizon or AT&T empires.

For you poor sacks of shit who aren't on the Verizon network, the merger includes plans to extend AT&T's network in rural areas. Good luck, AT&T still blows and now that Verizon has Apple products, you are all still fucked.

The real winners if this deal goes through are T-Mobile people. T-Mobile fucking blows. Shitty service, no customer service, general shittiness infests T-Mobile like a herpes infection. At least now you can get the iPhone or some shit. Move into this century people.