Happy Friday everyone. Have a girly drink and kick back.
Sports, Music, Pop Culture, Philosophy and whatever else I can think of to write about
Friday, July 29, 2011
Worst Bat Mitzvah Gift Ever
So I'm not jewish or anything, but look at this present one 11-year-old boy is giving for a friend's Bat Mitzvah.
From the New York Post:
An 11-year-old New York City boy is planning a one-mile Hudson River swim as a Bat Mitzvah gift to a friend.
Aaron Perl tells 1010 WINS radio that life is about doing things for other people. He’ll jump in the water from the 79th Street Boat Basin in Manhattan on Sunday afternoon.
He’s swimming for friend Ally Witt because he’s been inspired by her uncle, who is mentally disabled.
For her Bat Mitzvah project, Ally raised $6,000 for the Association for the Help of Retarded Citizens. Aaron is assisting her in the ongoing project.
Aaron knows about pain. He was born with a shortened femur and needed surgery to lengthen his leg. He began competing in triathlons when he was 8 years old. He’s completed 13.
From the New York Post:
An 11-year-old New York City boy is planning a one-mile Hudson River swim as a Bat Mitzvah gift to a friend.
Aaron Perl tells 1010 WINS radio that life is about doing things for other people. He’ll jump in the water from the 79th Street Boat Basin in Manhattan on Sunday afternoon.
He’s swimming for friend Ally Witt because he’s been inspired by her uncle, who is mentally disabled.
For her Bat Mitzvah project, Ally raised $6,000 for the Association for the Help of Retarded Citizens. Aaron is assisting her in the ongoing project.
Aaron knows about pain. He was born with a shortened femur and needed surgery to lengthen his leg. He began competing in triathlons when he was 8 years old. He’s completed 13.
Microsoft Goes at Google
Look at this spoof Microsoft put out about how Google uses your gmail account to create ads. Pretty creative stuff since we all know Mac has been attacking PC's in their ads for years now. I give you, the G-mail man.
Fright Night Trailer
I'm calling it right now. Biggest flop since Gigli. This shit looks horrible Colin "Can't Get Work Anymore" Ferrell alongside the wimpy kidnapee from Alpha Dog and McLovin'. Oh and Colin Ferrell plays a vampire. Pull my eyeballs out now.
This is What You Get Chad
So if anyone had any doubt that Chad "Ochocinco" was an idiot for changing his last name to his number, now you are seeing why.
From TMZ:
He's been traded to a new team ... but Chad Ochocinco DOES NOT want a new jersey number -- and sources close to the NFL star tell TMZ .. he's willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to sport #85 for the New England Patriots this season.
Problem is .... the number currently belongs to Patriots STUD tight end Aaron Hernandez -- who rocked #85 in 2010 ... when he DOMINATED all season long.
We're told Ochocinco -- who CHANGED HIS LAST NAME to match his jersey number a few years ago -- wants to PAY Hernandez to give up the digits ... and sources say Chad feels "no number is too high."
FYI -- jersey numbers don't come cheap -- it cost Clinton Portis a cool $18k to buy the #26 from a teammate when he was traded to the Washington Redskins a few years ago.
I love this shit. Who is the real winner of this trade besides the Patriots? Aaron Hernandez. He is going to be able to name his price to cough up 85. I mean Chad needs that number. Imagine Ochocinco running all over the field in 84? It would confirm he is the biggest retard in the NFL. My price would be 50k.
From TMZ:
He's been traded to a new team ... but Chad Ochocinco DOES NOT want a new jersey number -- and sources close to the NFL star tell TMZ .. he's willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to sport #85 for the New England Patriots this season.
Problem is .... the number currently belongs to Patriots STUD tight end Aaron Hernandez -- who rocked #85 in 2010 ... when he DOMINATED all season long.
We're told Ochocinco -- who CHANGED HIS LAST NAME to match his jersey number a few years ago -- wants to PAY Hernandez to give up the digits ... and sources say Chad feels "no number is too high."
FYI -- jersey numbers don't come cheap -- it cost Clinton Portis a cool $18k to buy the #26 from a teammate when he was traded to the Washington Redskins a few years ago.
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| Ochoquatro? |
I love this shit. Who is the real winner of this trade besides the Patriots? Aaron Hernandez. He is going to be able to name his price to cough up 85. I mean Chad needs that number. Imagine Ochocinco running all over the field in 84? It would confirm he is the biggest retard in the NFL. My price would be 50k.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Belichick Master Plan
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| Welcome to Boston you fuckin' clown |
From ESPN:
The New England Patriots have acquired wide receiver Chad Ochocinco after he accepted a restructured three-year contract from the Patriots, a source told ESPN.com's John Clayton.
Sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter that the Bengals will receive two draft picks, one this year and one next season.
Ochocinco was scheduled to make $6.35 million for the Bengals this year. The Patriots wanted him to restructure his contract to fit their cap.
The 10-year veteran caught 67 passes for 831 yards and four touchdowns last season. That was a dropoff from 2009, the last of his six Pro Bowl years, when Ochocinco had 72 receptions for 1,047 yards and nine TDs.
He has seven 1,000-yard receiving seasons, leading the league with 1,369 in 2006.
This is the Bill Belichick master plan in action. Take all the throw-away's like Haynesworth and Ochocinco and make them into a goon squad of beasts. Now all we need are a couple cheap linebackers and we are set to grab some fucking hardware this season. Get some.
Colordao Going All the Way on Pot
It's finally happening. No decriminalization, no bullshitting around the topic, Colorado is taking steps to change their consitution to make possessing and home cultivation of marijuana legal.
From High Times:
An historic effort is now underway to pass a statewide ballot initiative that will end marijuana prohibition in Colorado in 2012. All the polls show public support at a record high and suggest this might in fact be the best opportunity yet to pass such a measure.
In summary, the proposed constitutional amendment would remove all penalties for private adult possession and limited home growing; establish a system similar to alcohol in which there are licensed retail stores, cultivation facilities, product manufacturing, and testing; and allows for the cultivation, processing, and sales of industrial hemp. The full text of the initiative is available on the campaign’s new website.
My bags are already fucking packed. I'm telling you if this shit passes Colorado is going to become California over night. No beaches but who the fuck cares? Beautiful scenery, tons of shit to do, and all the weed you can grow in your shed. That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
From High Times:
An historic effort is now underway to pass a statewide ballot initiative that will end marijuana prohibition in Colorado in 2012. All the polls show public support at a record high and suggest this might in fact be the best opportunity yet to pass such a measure.
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| Way to be Colorado |
My bags are already fucking packed. I'm telling you if this shit passes Colorado is going to become California over night. No beaches but who the fuck cares? Beautiful scenery, tons of shit to do, and all the weed you can grow in your shed. That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
Guyism's Disgusting Food Facts
Guyism just dropped a list of gross food facts and after reading it over a few stuck out and I couldn't resist mentioning them.
From Guyism:
#10 - The average person eats 12 pubic hairs in a year.
We’ve all got the occasional hair in our food at one point or another. Ingesting unwanted hair is more likely to occur at fast food restaurants… and it’s not just the hair that grows on the top of heads that you need to worry about.
Alright they start off the fucking list with a bombshell. I mean all these things they list are shit you have some idea about in the back of your head, you just try not to think about them. And this one is fucking gross. I mean you know the only way a pube gets into your food is on purpose. How else could a member of someone's bush find themselves on your burger? Because they put it there. The other things on the list are how gross McDonald's chicken nuggets are, but pubes are way motherfuckin' worse than a processed nugget.
#7 - There are bugs and rodent hair in your peanut butter
FDA laws allow for an average of 30 insect fragments per 100 grams of peanut butter. In that same half cup of peanut butter, you’ll also find at least one rodent hair (on average). Yum! Now that’s good eating!
This is another fucked up member of the list. 30 insect fragment in a half cup of peanut butter? with a rodent hair? Fuck Jiffy, I won't eat another PB+J for the next four years.
#3 - Processed cheese is less than 51% cheese
A more accurate name for Kraft Singles and other packaged cheeses is “cheese-like substance.” Any cheese product labeled as processed or pasteurized includes additives, chemicals and flavorings that account for up 49 percent of the total product. As a result, that cheap cheese in your grocery store has just enough real cheese in it to allow companies to call it cheese.
This to me is kind of a no-brainer but it is still gross. I never eat processed cheese but I know people who devour this shit and it's fucking disgusting. I mean half cheese and half fake shit is cheese-food, not cheese.
From Guyism:
#10 - The average person eats 12 pubic hairs in a year.
We’ve all got the occasional hair in our food at one point or another. Ingesting unwanted hair is more likely to occur at fast food restaurants… and it’s not just the hair that grows on the top of heads that you need to worry about.
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| Extra pubes please |
Alright they start off the fucking list with a bombshell. I mean all these things they list are shit you have some idea about in the back of your head, you just try not to think about them. And this one is fucking gross. I mean you know the only way a pube gets into your food is on purpose. How else could a member of someone's bush find themselves on your burger? Because they put it there. The other things on the list are how gross McDonald's chicken nuggets are, but pubes are way motherfuckin' worse than a processed nugget.
#7 - There are bugs and rodent hair in your peanut butter
FDA laws allow for an average of 30 insect fragments per 100 grams of peanut butter. In that same half cup of peanut butter, you’ll also find at least one rodent hair (on average). Yum! Now that’s good eating!
 |
| Extra crunchy bugs |
This is another fucked up member of the list. 30 insect fragment in a half cup of peanut butter? with a rodent hair? Fuck Jiffy, I won't eat another PB+J for the next four years.
#3 - Processed cheese is less than 51% cheese
A more accurate name for Kraft Singles and other packaged cheeses is “cheese-like substance.” Any cheese product labeled as processed or pasteurized includes additives, chemicals and flavorings that account for up 49 percent of the total product. As a result, that cheap cheese in your grocery store has just enough real cheese in it to allow companies to call it cheese.
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| Cheese, kind of |
This to me is kind of a no-brainer but it is still gross. I never eat processed cheese but I know people who devour this shit and it's fucking disgusting. I mean half cheese and half fake shit is cheese-food, not cheese.
Living the Dream
Are the Broncos Morons?
I've been trying to keep up with all the shit going on in the NFL and one bonehead move has stuck out. The Bronco's are trying to trade Kyle Orton, and so that would leave pretty-boy Tim Tebow as the starter.
Are you fucking kidding me Denver? Tim Tebow over Kyle Orton? In 2010 Orton threw for 20 touchdowns and 9 picks with only 1 fumble. That's pretty fucking good. And I'll say right now, that is far better than Tebow's numbers will be this year. The upside is some team in need of a Quarterback is going to get Kyle Orton. Maybe the Dolphins will try to scoop him up, throw him in the mix with Reggie Bush and Miami might be pretty good this year. Might.
The point is John Elway is a fucking idiot and the Broncos are going to continue to suck into the 2011-2012 football season.
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| Fucking clown |
Are you fucking kidding me Denver? Tim Tebow over Kyle Orton? In 2010 Orton threw for 20 touchdowns and 9 picks with only 1 fumble. That's pretty fucking good. And I'll say right now, that is far better than Tebow's numbers will be this year. The upside is some team in need of a Quarterback is going to get Kyle Orton. Maybe the Dolphins will try to scoop him up, throw him in the mix with Reggie Bush and Miami might be pretty good this year. Might.
The point is John Elway is a fucking idiot and the Broncos are going to continue to suck into the 2011-2012 football season.
Alex Trebek: Too Old To Run
So apparently Alex Trebek's hotel room got robbed by some ugly she-devil. The Jeopardy host then chased her out of the room, only to tear his Achilles tendon.
From TMZ:
TMZ has obtained a photo of the alleged she-burglar Alex Trebek was chasing out of his hotel room early this morning ... when he snapped his Achilles tendon.
56-year-old Lucinda Moyers was booked on felony burglary and possession of stolen property after allegedly entering Trebek's San Francisco hotel room, taking cash and a bracelet his mother gave him ... and then stashing it near an ice machine on Trebek's floor.
Jesus christ, I wish the cop who came to this scene had a camera phone. This wicked witch of the west woman and Trebek on the floor writhing in pain gasping about "Potpurri for 200" and crying. Classic. I want the video footage, send it to me now.
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| Your mother's a whore Trebek |
From TMZ:
TMZ has obtained a photo of the alleged she-burglar Alex Trebek was chasing out of his hotel room early this morning ... when he snapped his Achilles tendon.
56-year-old Lucinda Moyers was booked on felony burglary and possession of stolen property after allegedly entering Trebek's San Francisco hotel room, taking cash and a bracelet his mother gave him ... and then stashing it near an ice machine on Trebek's floor.
Jesus christ, I wish the cop who came to this scene had a camera phone. This wicked witch of the west woman and Trebek on the floor writhing in pain gasping about "Potpurri for 200" and crying. Classic. I want the video footage, send it to me now.
We Have a Pass Rush
So right now the Redskins and Patriots are working on an agreement to send Albert Haynesworth to New England for a 5th rounder in 2013.
From ESPN:
Before defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth could get to training camp and take his conditioning test, the Washington Redskins traded him to the New England Patriots for a fifth-round draft pick in 2013, according to league sources.
Haynesworth still must pass his physical, as any player in any trade would, for the trade with the Patriots to take effect.
Patriots coach Bill Belichick said Thursday morning that the trade was not yet completed.
"Talked to (Redskins coach) Mike Shanahan last night. We're in the process of acquiring Haynesworth, but that's not complete yet, so I can't really comment on that," he said.
This is an awesome move for the Pats. Giving up a scrub 5th round pick for a beastly defensive tackle? I'll take that shit. And the thing about having Haynesworth on the Pats is Belichick won't deal with his shit. He'll either play and be motivated because he's on a team that doesn't suck; or he'll keep being a bitch and just rie the pine. Even if he's a flop, we only gave up a 5th round pick.
From ESPN:
Before defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth could get to training camp and take his conditioning test, the Washington Redskins traded him to the New England Patriots for a fifth-round draft pick in 2013, according to league sources.
Haynesworth still must pass his physical, as any player in any trade would, for the trade with the Patriots to take effect.
Patriots coach Bill Belichick said Thursday morning that the trade was not yet completed.
"Talked to (Redskins coach) Mike Shanahan last night. We're in the process of acquiring Haynesworth, but that's not complete yet, so I can't really comment on that," he said.
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| Welcome to the team you big baby |
This is an awesome move for the Pats. Giving up a scrub 5th round pick for a beastly defensive tackle? I'll take that shit. And the thing about having Haynesworth on the Pats is Belichick won't deal with his shit. He'll either play and be motivated because he's on a team that doesn't suck; or he'll keep being a bitch and just rie the pine. Even if he's a flop, we only gave up a 5th round pick.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Humpday Hotty MILF Edition: Jennifer Lopez
So Jennifer Lopez is back on the fucking market after she found out her rat-fink husband, Marc Anthony, cheated on her two years ago with the stewardess on a private flight. They had counseling, it didn't work. and now I present to you, Jennifer Lopez from young hotty to latina MILF. and she turned 42 on Sunday, that's prime MILF right there.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Man Issues: Boxers or Briefs
Alright well I was just running some errands, one of which was to pick up some boxer briefs. Why? Because all I have ever worn in my life are boxers and I wanted to see what the difference was.
The thing I love about boxers is free-ballin'. Your junk gets to move into any position it wants to be in with no restrictions. It is a very freeing feeling.
But at work my junk gets all kinds of fucked from me running around with my dong and balls slapping around in there while I'm serving the assholes of America. It's not that fun. So I figured the mature thing to do would be to grow the fuck up and cop some briefs.
It has now been about twenty minutes since I threw on my Tommy boxer briefs in the TJ Maxx parking lot and I have mixed feelings.
First and foremost, my genitals have never been more restricted in my life. I played sports when I was younger, so I'm used to rocking compression shorts and a cup and all that shit. But this is casual wear. And it is hugging my dick tighter than Bree Olsen's Dyson vacuum mouth.
But these things give you a little pocket in the front where your cock can just chill out. Around it is very tight, so your nuts are kept from dangling everywhere but all in all it's pretty fucking comfortable.
One problem I noticed right off the bat was no hole for my cock to piss from. In boxers you have a little slit with maybe a button where you can yank your shit out and piss when necessary. But in these tight things what the fuck do I do? Roll up to a urinal and just pull 'em down and whip my dick out over the top of them? I can see awkward days ahead people, but at least I'm trying to be a grown-up. I don't know if I'll throw away the boxers quite yet, but maybe go half-and-half.
And to the ladies all I have to say is you guys are fucked as far as underwear choices. If you wear what's comfortable everyone calls you a grandma. The "sexiest" underwear for women is essentially a long pic of my dental floss tied to another one. Like underwear really makes that much of a difference anyway. I say women, boycott the thong! Bring back granny panties!
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| Cock prisons or needed support? |
The thing I love about boxers is free-ballin'. Your junk gets to move into any position it wants to be in with no restrictions. It is a very freeing feeling.
But at work my junk gets all kinds of fucked from me running around with my dong and balls slapping around in there while I'm serving the assholes of America. It's not that fun. So I figured the mature thing to do would be to grow the fuck up and cop some briefs.
It has now been about twenty minutes since I threw on my Tommy boxer briefs in the TJ Maxx parking lot and I have mixed feelings.
First and foremost, my genitals have never been more restricted in my life. I played sports when I was younger, so I'm used to rocking compression shorts and a cup and all that shit. But this is casual wear. And it is hugging my dick tighter than Bree Olsen's Dyson vacuum mouth.
But these things give you a little pocket in the front where your cock can just chill out. Around it is very tight, so your nuts are kept from dangling everywhere but all in all it's pretty fucking comfortable.
One problem I noticed right off the bat was no hole for my cock to piss from. In boxers you have a little slit with maybe a button where you can yank your shit out and piss when necessary. But in these tight things what the fuck do I do? Roll up to a urinal and just pull 'em down and whip my dick out over the top of them? I can see awkward days ahead people, but at least I'm trying to be a grown-up. I don't know if I'll throw away the boxers quite yet, but maybe go half-and-half.
And to the ladies all I have to say is you guys are fucked as far as underwear choices. If you wear what's comfortable everyone calls you a grandma. The "sexiest" underwear for women is essentially a long pic of my dental floss tied to another one. Like underwear really makes that much of a difference anyway. I say women, boycott the thong! Bring back granny panties!
Adrianne Curry: Too Slutty For Comic Con
so Adrianne Curry, former model and Mrs. Brady got the boot from Comic Con in San Diego for wearing a revealing Aeon Flux costume. And of course I got the goods for you to check out.
Apparently police asked Curry to leave because she was showing too much ass. And I agree.
You can't throw a bombshell booty like Curry's into Comic Con. All those virgins' creaming their pants or costumes or whatever would be a serious nightmare for the wardrobe and maintenance people. She probably could have set the record for most nerds masturbating in one bathroom ever. But come on Adrianne, we can't have that ass causing all kinds of nerd mayhem. Next time go Princess Leia.
Apparently police asked Curry to leave because she was showing too much ass. And I agree.
You can't throw a bombshell booty like Curry's into Comic Con. All those virgins' creaming their pants or costumes or whatever would be a serious nightmare for the wardrobe and maintenance people. She probably could have set the record for most nerds masturbating in one bathroom ever. But come on Adrianne, we can't have that ass causing all kinds of nerd mayhem. Next time go Princess Leia.
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| That's not too much ass? |
Get Your 90's On
So Teen Nick started rerunning 90's programming Monday and people are fucking digging it. Doug, Ren and Stimpy, Double Dare, who doesn't love that shit?
From The Hollywood Reporter:
As of Tuesday morning, Doug has been the No. 1 Google trend, and Kenan & Kel and Teen Nick were trending on Twitter.
In announcing the decision to rebroadcast the shows, Keith Dawkins, senior VP and general manager of TeenNick, said earlier: "At the time, we were completely devoted to that audience ages 9, 10, and 11. It was ground-breaking and for the young viewers, a powerful and pivotal time in their lives. Those kids who are now 22, 23 and 24 want to bring that back.”
Going forward, the network will air '90s reruns from 12 a.m. EST to 4 a.m. ET from Monday to Sunday in a block called "The 90s Are All That." Shows include Doug, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, All That, Clarissa Explains it All, Double Dare, The Ren & Stimpy Show and Salute Your Shorts.
Smart move Nickelodeon. Salute your shorts, Doug, all those shows are way better than whatever bullshit is on Nick these days. And Nick at Nite only shows shit from like the 1960's. Give us 20 something losers some stupid shit to watch late night and we are putty in your hands. And advertisers love us because we blow our money on anything that looks cool.
This just goes with what I've been thinking about a lot lately. The 90's were the tits compared to this post-2000 bullshit. The TV, the music, it was just a great time to be around. No Lady Gaga, no Justin Beiber, and no Miley Cyrus. Winner: Doug.
From The Hollywood Reporter:
As of Tuesday morning, Doug has been the No. 1 Google trend, and Kenan & Kel and Teen Nick were trending on Twitter.
In announcing the decision to rebroadcast the shows, Keith Dawkins, senior VP and general manager of TeenNick, said earlier: "At the time, we were completely devoted to that audience ages 9, 10, and 11. It was ground-breaking and for the young viewers, a powerful and pivotal time in their lives. Those kids who are now 22, 23 and 24 want to bring that back.”
Going forward, the network will air '90s reruns from 12 a.m. EST to 4 a.m. ET from Monday to Sunday in a block called "The 90s Are All That." Shows include Doug, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, All That, Clarissa Explains it All, Double Dare, The Ren & Stimpy Show and Salute Your Shorts.
Smart move Nickelodeon. Salute your shorts, Doug, all those shows are way better than whatever bullshit is on Nick these days. And Nick at Nite only shows shit from like the 1960's. Give us 20 something losers some stupid shit to watch late night and we are putty in your hands. And advertisers love us because we blow our money on anything that looks cool.
This just goes with what I've been thinking about a lot lately. The 90's were the tits compared to this post-2000 bullshit. The TV, the music, it was just a great time to be around. No Lady Gaga, no Justin Beiber, and no Miley Cyrus. Winner: Doug.
Monday, July 25, 2011
JT's New Flick
Justin Timberlake has a new movie coming out called "In Time." The premise is that instead of money we now use time as currency, and the long and short seems to be JT tries to give all the poor people all sorts of time. I can't tell if this shit is going to be good or not; probably worth checking out though.
Finally Football
Well it looks like the NFL season is finally underway. The NFLPA is expected to vote yes to the new CBA agreement in the next few days, so in the mean time personnel departments are going to start calling players today. Today teams will be allowed to talk to their free agents and this week is going to be full of rumors and unofficial deals before Saturday; the day when the season will officially start and ink can start hitting the paper.
All I can say is I'm glad we won't have to deal with this CBA shit in the NFL until 2021.
All I can say is I'm glad we won't have to deal with this CBA shit in the NFL until 2021.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Amy Winehouse Dead
So in case you aren't plugged into any media at all and lead a solitary life only to check crucial websites every Sunday night at the library Sundays at 11:13, Amy Winehouse was found dead last night.
The cause of death hasn't been determined, although some say that an overdose is probably. No fucking shit. Apparently she was seen earlier in the night by several witnesses, doing what you ask? Buying not only ecstasy and cocaine, but she also was seen buying heroin. Do you know what this means? A Jeffrey killed Amy Winehouse. When they do they autopsy tomorrow the medical examienr will find her lungs full of Jeffrey residue.
From Urban Dictionary:
1. jeffrey
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| R.I.P Amy Winehouse |
The cause of death hasn't been determined, although some say that an overdose is probably. No fucking shit. Apparently she was seen earlier in the night by several witnesses, doing what you ask? Buying not only ecstasy and cocaine, but she also was seen buying heroin. Do you know what this means? A Jeffrey killed Amy Winehouse. When they do they autopsy tomorrow the medical examienr will find her lungs full of Jeffrey residue.
From Urban Dictionary:
1. jeffrey
| a mammoth joint filled entirely with an assortment of drugs. marijuana, opium, angel dust, meth, painkillers etc. Half of the ingredients are unknown, but one things for sure, it fucks you up. Well put, urban dictionary. So anyway Amy Winehouse is the only person who does this. She's sitting at home smoking crack and watching Get Him to the Greek, a mellow Saturday night. Then she see's the scene when Jonah Hill and Russell Brand smoke the Jeffrey. And this is where a normal person laughs and says "Hey man, let's go smoke a Jeffrey!" Laughter ensues. And you go smoke some weed. But Amy Winehouse goes to buy some ecstacy, cocaine and heroin, and rolls a Jeffrey for herself. And she couldn't find a fucking furry wall to stroke. In all seriousness though, the London cocaine market just lost it's biggest client. A sad day for all British crack dealers. You probably should have said "Yes" to rehab. |
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Are You Ready for Some Football?
The NFL Owners just passed a CBA agreement, the NFLPA board will be voting today or tomorrow. And we can finally have an NFL off-season.
Lets fucking go already. With the timetable right now, free agency is going to be a week-long scramble. Stupid teams will make horrible decisions every hour, and great front offices are going to clean up. I can't wait to not hear about the fucking NFL Labor negotiations for ten years.
Lets fucking go already. With the timetable right now, free agency is going to be a week-long scramble. Stupid teams will make horrible decisions every hour, and great front offices are going to clean up. I can't wait to not hear about the fucking NFL Labor negotiations for ten years.
Tiger Ditches Caddie: Will It or Won't It?
So Tiger Woods dismissed his long-time caddie Steve Williams yesterday. IT migh tnot seem like a big deal; it's just Tiger trying to change everything up to get his game back. But I mean this dude was at Tiger's wedding and Tiger was at his. They were friends and co-workers.
From ESPN:
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Tiger Woods fired caddie Steve Williams on Wednesday, leaving his good friend stunned and ending a 12-year relationship in which he won 72 times worldwide and 13 majors.
"I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it's time for a change," Woods said on his website. "Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future."
Woods did not say who would replace Williams -- one of only two caddies he has employed on a regular basis -- or when he might return to golf.
"Needless to say, this came as a shock," Williams said in a statement posted on his own website.
But here's what I'm saying; you know those people who you consider "work friends" but then you move on to a new job and suddenly you're moving on? That's kind of what this is. Tiger employs Steve, and he just figured he should switch things up because for the last year and a half he's sucked.
And I think that Steve is exaggerating how shocked he was. For some reason I don't believe he just got a call "Yo man, thanks for the wins but you're done." How could you not see this coming? Tiger is changing swing coaches, he switched management companies. He is changing anything he can to try and get back the old Tiger. I think he should hire Charlie Sheen as a "winning consultant". Think about it Tiger.
And it isn't like this guy won't get work; he was with Tiger for the glory years, I think someone will hire him tomorrow.
But the question is, will this move actually help Tiger? I mean a caddie is an important person to a golfer. They put a lot of thought into the course round after round. Will picking up a new guy help Tiger? I think he has bigger issues than who is carrying his sticks.
From ESPN:
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Tiger Woods fired caddie Steve Williams on Wednesday, leaving his good friend stunned and ending a 12-year relationship in which he won 72 times worldwide and 13 majors.
"I want to express my deepest gratitude to Stevie for all his help, but I think it's time for a change," Woods said on his website. "Stevie is an outstanding caddie and a friend and has been instrumental in many of my accomplishments. I wish him great success in the future."
Woods did not say who would replace Williams -- one of only two caddies he has employed on a regular basis -- or when he might return to golf.
"Needless to say, this came as a shock," Williams said in a statement posted on his own website.
But here's what I'm saying; you know those people who you consider "work friends" but then you move on to a new job and suddenly you're moving on? That's kind of what this is. Tiger employs Steve, and he just figured he should switch things up because for the last year and a half he's sucked.
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| No more bromance |
And I think that Steve is exaggerating how shocked he was. For some reason I don't believe he just got a call "Yo man, thanks for the wins but you're done." How could you not see this coming? Tiger is changing swing coaches, he switched management companies. He is changing anything he can to try and get back the old Tiger. I think he should hire Charlie Sheen as a "winning consultant". Think about it Tiger.
And it isn't like this guy won't get work; he was with Tiger for the glory years, I think someone will hire him tomorrow.
But the question is, will this move actually help Tiger? I mean a caddie is an important person to a golfer. They put a lot of thought into the course round after round. Will picking up a new guy help Tiger? I think he has bigger issues than who is carrying his sticks.
Tourist/ Local Relations
Tomorrow is the opening day of the track at Saratoga and it made me think about how locals and tourists interact. I was also behind an eighty year-old from New Jersey who was driving her Mercedes about 25 mph in a 45.
I think the strain between tourists and locals mostly erupts from driving. We know the roads, and the tourists just wander around trying to follow their GPS moving at about 10 mph. They throw on the left blinker and go right, they take our parking. It's enough to piss off even the nicest people.
However, the track acts as a mediating point between tourists and locals. We all just want to get drunk and bet the ponies, so everyone can come together; funny accents or otherwise. The track is like the melting pot of Saratoga. Just the drive there will make you pull your teeth out.
But then everyone heads down to Caroline street and shit goes wrong. Guys with weird accents and frosted tips cut you off in line for drinks, and shit hits the fan. It isn't the happy-go-lucky second race camaraderie of 2pm. It's the fight the douche 2am scene.
And then we come to the reason we all put up with them. When the tourists drop coinage. Whether you work at the track or somewhere else in town; someone from Jersey is funding your business through July and August. So even when you hate them, you have to like their cash. Even though it smells like New Jersey, ew.
 |
| They're like this, but more Jersey |
I think the strain between tourists and locals mostly erupts from driving. We know the roads, and the tourists just wander around trying to follow their GPS moving at about 10 mph. They throw on the left blinker and go right, they take our parking. It's enough to piss off even the nicest people.
However, the track acts as a mediating point between tourists and locals. We all just want to get drunk and bet the ponies, so everyone can come together; funny accents or otherwise. The track is like the melting pot of Saratoga. Just the drive there will make you pull your teeth out.
But then everyone heads down to Caroline street and shit goes wrong. Guys with weird accents and frosted tips cut you off in line for drinks, and shit hits the fan. It isn't the happy-go-lucky second race camaraderie of 2pm. It's the fight the douche 2am scene.
And then we come to the reason we all put up with them. When the tourists drop coinage. Whether you work at the track or somewhere else in town; someone from Jersey is funding your business through July and August. So even when you hate them, you have to like their cash. Even though it smells like New Jersey, ew.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Humpday Hotty: Sarah Jean Underwood
She's all over the internet. She's the up-and-coming sex bomb of 2011. She is Sara Jean Underwood. Playmate of the year in 2007. Still bringing the heat in 2011.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Man Issues: Being a Momma's Boy
You know what is bullshit? That being a Momma's boy catches a bad rap. Every dude no matter how tough knows that there are times when you have to regroup with the Momma Bear. Women come and go; they stay for a little or awhile, but momma is that one woman who'll be good to you no matter what.
Call her in the middle of the night wasted; she'll ream you out over the phone, but it's a small price to pay for her picking your drunk-ass up.
Come home starving because you can't afford food? Who's there cooking you something even though she has to get up in three hours? The Ma Dukes.
So I say fuck the macho stereotype, we all need our momma now and then so quit acting tough. Sure we don't love the hoes, but we all love our momma.
Even Tupac isn't too tough to show love.
Call her in the middle of the night wasted; she'll ream you out over the phone, but it's a small price to pay for her picking your drunk-ass up.
Come home starving because you can't afford food? Who's there cooking you something even though she has to get up in three hours? The Ma Dukes.
So I say fuck the macho stereotype, we all need our momma now and then so quit acting tough. Sure we don't love the hoes, but we all love our momma.
Even Tupac isn't too tough to show love.
Dark Knight Rises Trailer
How Do Mormons Have Fun?
So I know you are all wondering what kids at Bringham Young do instead of getting laid. Apparently setting themselves on fire is one option.
From Huffington Post:
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- Three college students were hospitalized in serious condition Monday after they were burned while dropping homemade gasoline bombs into one of Utah's thousands of abandoned mine shafts.
The students were dropping Molotov cocktail-type devices into a mine shaft when a cooler filled with gasoline either spilled and caught fire or blew up prematurely, Utah County sheriff's Lt. Darren Gilbert said. The accident happened about 11 p.m. Saturday in a remote area of Utah about 80 miles south of Salt Lake City.
Man, this is the shit I used to do with my boys when I was like 14. These Mormon kids must just need to vent their frustration in any way possible. If you can't have angry sex or smoke pot or drink tea, then what the fuck can you do?
Here's the thing about making Molotov cocktails though, you should probably not make them by bringing a fucking cooler of gasoline with you to the mine shaft. I mean couldn't anyone with half a brain see that lugging around a cooler filled with gas might lead to some or all of your group being maimed? I guess not. Mormons can be morons too!
From Huffington Post:
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- Three college students were hospitalized in serious condition Monday after they were burned while dropping homemade gasoline bombs into one of Utah's thousands of abandoned mine shafts.
The students were dropping Molotov cocktail-type devices into a mine shaft when a cooler filled with gasoline either spilled and caught fire or blew up prematurely, Utah County sheriff's Lt. Darren Gilbert said. The accident happened about 11 p.m. Saturday in a remote area of Utah about 80 miles south of Salt Lake City.
 |
| Take that impure thoughts! |
Man, this is the shit I used to do with my boys when I was like 14. These Mormon kids must just need to vent their frustration in any way possible. If you can't have angry sex or smoke pot or drink tea, then what the fuck can you do?
Here's the thing about making Molotov cocktails though, you should probably not make them by bringing a fucking cooler of gasoline with you to the mine shaft. I mean couldn't anyone with half a brain see that lugging around a cooler filled with gas might lead to some or all of your group being maimed? I guess not. Mormons can be morons too!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Lamar's Driver Deadly Crash
From TMZ:
Odom was in NY on Thursday to attend a funeral for his cousin -- and had hired a car service to drive him around town during his visit. But while Odom was in the car, the vehicle was involved in an accident with a motorcycle ... which was propelled into a 15-year-old pedestrian.
The boy's family tells us ... the boy sustained major head injuries in the collision.
The boy was rushed to a nearby hospital ... and emergency surgery was performed in an effort to save his life ... but the injuries proved to be too severe ... and the boy died the following day.
A funeral for the boy took place earlier today.
Dude, I know that driving a motorcycle is all manly and cool and shit. But those things seriously fuck people up when they crash. I mean in this case it wasn't even the driver. imagine watching an accident and seeing a motorcycle get "propelled" into a 15-year-old? Jesus christ man. However cool you look when you riding the thing, just think about what happens when you hit a Hummer. Maybe I'm a pussy. Or maybe motorcycles are for morons.
And talk about a shitty day. Oh hey Lamar Odom want to go to your cousins funeral? Oh wait now your driver killed a kid. Sweet.
Odom was in NY on Thursday to attend a funeral for his cousin -- and had hired a car service to drive him around town during his visit. But while Odom was in the car, the vehicle was involved in an accident with a motorcycle ... which was propelled into a 15-year-old pedestrian.
The boy's family tells us ... the boy sustained major head injuries in the collision.
The boy was rushed to a nearby hospital ... and emergency surgery was performed in an effort to save his life ... but the injuries proved to be too severe ... and the boy died the following day.
A funeral for the boy took place earlier today.
Dude, I know that driving a motorcycle is all manly and cool and shit. But those things seriously fuck people up when they crash. I mean in this case it wasn't even the driver. imagine watching an accident and seeing a motorcycle get "propelled" into a 15-year-old? Jesus christ man. However cool you look when you riding the thing, just think about what happens when you hit a Hummer. Maybe I'm a pussy. Or maybe motorcycles are for morons.
And talk about a shitty day. Oh hey Lamar Odom want to go to your cousins funeral? Oh wait now your driver killed a kid. Sweet.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Netflix Price Rant
So the other day Netflix announced they are changing their pricing system. Instead of $9.99 for dtreaming and mail-order DVD's, both services will be priced individually, and both together will go up to $15.98 a month.
From Huffington Post:
Judging by the reactions to the Netflix price hike--posted on Twitter feeds, Tumblrs and comments forums across the web--the streaming video and DVD-mail service might want to consider another change to its pricing plans, or at least the way it announces adjustments to them. A community has not been this upset about a decision since Clevelanders learned that Lebron James was taking his talents to South Beach.
Netflix, in case you missed it, delivered a major blow to its users by surprising them with a significant price hike. The company announced that the incredibly popular $9.99 "all-you-can-eat" streaming and DVD rental plan would be scrapped and be replaced by three separate plans: all-you-can-eat streaming for $7.99, or all-you-can-eat one-at-a-time DVDs for $7.99, or a combo for both at $15.98.
Netflix users are not just angry at what they perceive to be the company's unjust greed; they are stung that one of their favorite companies could ever do something like this, and without any warning at all.
Are we really so fucking forgetful? Alright you people who are whining because Netflix is charging five more fucking dollars a month to see all the DVD's you want, listen up. Remember when you had to go to Blockbuster and pay like $5.99 for TWO FUCKING NIGHTS? One DVD two nights, $5.99. And jesus help you if you return it late. It was like 2 bucks for every night your DVD was late.
Now think about this. ALL the DVD's you want; both streaming on your computer and hard-copy to your mailbox. By the way you can copy the fucking DVD's and own them forever. Tod o this only costs you $15 a month. Does that really seem like a crazy price? You pay $.99 per App or more for shit from Apple. So shut the fuck up. Three years ago Netflix was the shit and $9.99 was good. But now you can stream through the web. You could literally watch movies every minute of your waking life for 15 bucks a month. You know how much it is to go see ONE 3D movie? 15 bucks. So go fuck yourselves America.
Fuck you for saying they are greedy. These are the same people copying the DVD's they get and doing all kinds of shit with them. You are still getting a great deal, greedy fucks. So shut your fucking faces and if you are mad, don't buy Netflix and go rent DVD's and see who is greedy.
From Huffington Post:
Judging by the reactions to the Netflix price hike--posted on Twitter feeds, Tumblrs and comments forums across the web--the streaming video and DVD-mail service might want to consider another change to its pricing plans, or at least the way it announces adjustments to them. A community has not been this upset about a decision since Clevelanders learned that Lebron James was taking his talents to South Beach.
Netflix, in case you missed it, delivered a major blow to its users by surprising them with a significant price hike. The company announced that the incredibly popular $9.99 "all-you-can-eat" streaming and DVD rental plan would be scrapped and be replaced by three separate plans: all-you-can-eat streaming for $7.99, or all-you-can-eat one-at-a-time DVDs for $7.99, or a combo for both at $15.98.
Netflix users are not just angry at what they perceive to be the company's unjust greed; they are stung that one of their favorite companies could ever do something like this, and without any warning at all.
Are we really so fucking forgetful? Alright you people who are whining because Netflix is charging five more fucking dollars a month to see all the DVD's you want, listen up. Remember when you had to go to Blockbuster and pay like $5.99 for TWO FUCKING NIGHTS? One DVD two nights, $5.99. And jesus help you if you return it late. It was like 2 bucks for every night your DVD was late.
 |
| I got your back Netflix |
Now think about this. ALL the DVD's you want; both streaming on your computer and hard-copy to your mailbox. By the way you can copy the fucking DVD's and own them forever. Tod o this only costs you $15 a month. Does that really seem like a crazy price? You pay $.99 per App or more for shit from Apple. So shut the fuck up. Three years ago Netflix was the shit and $9.99 was good. But now you can stream through the web. You could literally watch movies every minute of your waking life for 15 bucks a month. You know how much it is to go see ONE 3D movie? 15 bucks. So go fuck yourselves America.
Fuck you for saying they are greedy. These are the same people copying the DVD's they get and doing all kinds of shit with them. You are still getting a great deal, greedy fucks. So shut your fucking faces and if you are mad, don't buy Netflix and go rent DVD's and see who is greedy.
Putting Women in Their Place Young
A Man's Worst Nightmare
Jesus christ, this is really any guys worst nightmare ever. For one man, it became a reality.
From the Smoking Gun:
JULY 12--In the year’s most horrifying police press release, cops in Garden Grove, California describe how a woman last night allegedly cut off her husband’s penis.
According to investigators, Catherine Kieu Becker, 48, “used an unknown type poison and/or drug in the male’s food to make him sleepy. She tied him to the bed and as he woke the female cut off his penis" with a 10-inch kitchen knife. Becker, pictured in the mug shot at right, then allegedly “tossed the penis…in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal to the ‘on’ position.”
Good sweet baby jesus. Imagine thinking you were drugged and then waking up without your cock. Jesus, they can't even reattach that bitch because the fucking psycho chick put it in the garbage disposal. This is the type of stuff that makes men think about statements such as "women are fucking crazy". I mean serial killers are usually dudes and they do fucked up shit. But this is just terrible.
The upside is, who is going to fuck with a chick in jail who cut her ex-hubbies penis off with a ten inch knife? Nobody.
 |
| who wants a sex-change? |
From the Smoking Gun:
JULY 12--In the year’s most horrifying police press release, cops in Garden Grove, California describe how a woman last night allegedly cut off her husband’s penis.
According to investigators, Catherine Kieu Becker, 48, “used an unknown type poison and/or drug in the male’s food to make him sleepy. She tied him to the bed and as he woke the female cut off his penis" with a 10-inch kitchen knife. Becker, pictured in the mug shot at right, then allegedly “tossed the penis…in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal to the ‘on’ position.”
Good sweet baby jesus. Imagine thinking you were drugged and then waking up without your cock. Jesus, they can't even reattach that bitch because the fucking psycho chick put it in the garbage disposal. This is the type of stuff that makes men think about statements such as "women are fucking crazy". I mean serial killers are usually dudes and they do fucked up shit. But this is just terrible.
The upside is, who is going to fuck with a chick in jail who cut her ex-hubbies penis off with a ten inch knife? Nobody.
Roger Clemens Gets a Mistrial
From USA Today:
The judge has declared a mistrial in the Roger Clemens perjury case, the Associated Press reports.
U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton in Washington said Clemens could not be assured a fair trial after prosecutors showed jurors evidence against his orders in the second day of testimony.
Walton scheduled a Sept. 2 hearing to determine whether to hold a new trial.
Dude can this shit just end? I mean for fuck's sake. Roger Clemens is already a disgrace to baseball. his image is tarnished. Why do the courts have to get their pound of flesh? This fucking thing is never going to end now. Just slap him on the wrists and lets fucking move along. I doubt anyone really cares about this case anyway besides the lawyers. Roger is probably ready to jump off a cliff thinking that this thing could go another year or longer. Why kick him while he's down?
The judge has declared a mistrial in the Roger Clemens perjury case, the Associated Press reports.
U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton in Washington said Clemens could not be assured a fair trial after prosecutors showed jurors evidence against his orders in the second day of testimony.
Walton scheduled a Sept. 2 hearing to determine whether to hold a new trial.
 |
| Gunna be a long year Roger |
Dude can this shit just end? I mean for fuck's sake. Roger Clemens is already a disgrace to baseball. his image is tarnished. Why do the courts have to get their pound of flesh? This fucking thing is never going to end now. Just slap him on the wrists and lets fucking move along. I doubt anyone really cares about this case anyway besides the lawyers. Roger is probably ready to jump off a cliff thinking that this thing could go another year or longer. Why kick him while he's down?
Loser of the Week: 7/11
Oh man, there is nothing more I love than people giving cops a reason to tase them. With his wife shouting about suing and the dude refusing to just turn the fuck around. This is just pure loserdom.
Awesome.
Awesome.
James Harrison
In an article coming out tomorrow in Men's Journal Steelers safety James Harrison rips everybody, making him look like an even bigger punk than we all thought he was. He goes after Comissioner Roger Goodell, several team-mates. And Tedy Bruschi and Rodney Harrison.
I mean Harrison's agent must have shot himself after this right? Who the fuck wants a guy on his team that will rip his team-mates and get fined every week? I hope the Steelers drop him like a loose shit. We all know he hates Roger Goodell because of the head-shot rules but christ man get over it. James Harrison is a fucking child. Commenting on what Harrison said about him, former Patriot safety Rodeny Harrison basically dismissed JAmes' comments as childish. Don't even acknowledge the little fucker.
But rumor has it is that labor negotiations stalled yesterday between t he league and the players; and the Steelers owner, Dan Rooney, being agitated after Harrison's comments went public. Great Harrison, fuck up your own paycheck with your mouth. That's smart.
The article hasn't been released in full, but apparently Harrison uses a "gay slur" to describe Goodell. I don't know why people can't come out and speculate that he said faggot. What other gay slur do you think he said? Oviously the fag-bomb.
I mean Harrison's agent must have shot himself after this right? Who the fuck wants a guy on his team that will rip his team-mates and get fined every week? I hope the Steelers drop him like a loose shit. We all know he hates Roger Goodell because of the head-shot rules but christ man get over it. James Harrison is a fucking child. Commenting on what Harrison said about him, former Patriot safety Rodeny Harrison basically dismissed JAmes' comments as childish. Don't even acknowledge the little fucker.
 |
| Apparently James is as dumb as he looks |
But rumor has it is that labor negotiations stalled yesterday between t he league and the players; and the Steelers owner, Dan Rooney, being agitated after Harrison's comments went public. Great Harrison, fuck up your own paycheck with your mouth. That's smart.
The article hasn't been released in full, but apparently Harrison uses a "gay slur" to describe Goodell. I don't know why people can't come out and speculate that he said faggot. What other gay slur do you think he said? Oviously the fag-bomb.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Why is There No Video of This?
Dude I love Dave Grohl. Foo Fighters hands down best concert I have ever been to in my life. And just when you thought Grohl couldn't be more badass; he picks out the dude in the striped shirt who is fighting at the Foo Fighters show and kicks him out. Epic.
Where is the fucking video of this bullshit? I want to see this happen. Come on Foo slut with your camera at this concert, post your video to the fucking internet. Now.
Where is the fucking video of this bullshit? I want to see this happen. Come on Foo slut with your camera at this concert, post your video to the fucking internet. Now.
Smart Girl
So since Casey Anthony was acquitted of murder everyone I've been talking to has been saying the same thing. How long will she last free in the U.S.? Everyone agreed not very long before she got clipped by some equally psychotic person. Well, apparently her legal team thought of this as well.
From the NY Daily News:
Casey Anthony will be a free woman on Sunday, but don't expect the onetime accused killer mom to stay in the spotlight.
Anthony, acquitted last week of killing her 2-year-old daughter Caylee, plans to wear a disguise when she is released from prison, a source close to her legal team told the Chicago Sun-Times.
The former party girl, who infamously entered a "hard body" bikini contest just days after her daughter's disappearance, is now taking extreme measures to avoid attention.
She will be released from jail through a secret exit and moved to an undisclosed location, where she plans to take on a new name, "almost as if she was living in a witness protection-like program," the insider said.
"There even have been discussions about cosmetic surgery, but Casey has rejected that out of hand," the source told the paper.
Sneaky little wench. Hiding from all her potential murderers by using a disguise. Well this is basically a punishment for her. It isn't jail time. But living life like you are in witness protection doesn't sound like fun. I'm sure she'll get wasted next weekend, her wig will fall off and she'll get offed by somebody. You can't hide from the public forever Casey Anthony. Even Whitey Bulger couldn't stay hidden forever. This chick doesn't stand a chance.
From the NY Daily News:
Casey Anthony will be a free woman on Sunday, but don't expect the onetime accused killer mom to stay in the spotlight.
Anthony, acquitted last week of killing her 2-year-old daughter Caylee, plans to wear a disguise when she is released from prison, a source close to her legal team told the Chicago Sun-Times.
The former party girl, who infamously entered a "hard body" bikini contest just days after her daughter's disappearance, is now taking extreme measures to avoid attention.
She will be released from jail through a secret exit and moved to an undisclosed location, where she plans to take on a new name, "almost as if she was living in a witness protection-like program," the insider said.
"There even have been discussions about cosmetic surgery, but Casey has rejected that out of hand," the source told the paper.
 |
| Can't walk around like you're whorish self these days Casey |
Sneaky little wench. Hiding from all her potential murderers by using a disguise. Well this is basically a punishment for her. It isn't jail time. But living life like you are in witness protection doesn't sound like fun. I'm sure she'll get wasted next weekend, her wig will fall off and she'll get offed by somebody. You can't hide from the public forever Casey Anthony. Even Whitey Bulger couldn't stay hidden forever. This chick doesn't stand a chance.
My Fucking Hero
So a story broke today that Nicki Minaj got hit with a suitcase by her male assistant. Thank fucking god someone finally hit that cocky slut with something. Imagine being her assistant? I bet she does all those annoying voices from her songs in real life too. Gotta shut the stupid broad up somehow.
From TMZ:
TMZ has obtained the police report describing the hotel altercation between Nicki Minaj and a man, in which she claimed he struck her in the face with a suitcase ... and Dallas cops tell us the alleged attacker is Nicki's assistant Safaree Samuels.
TMZ broke the story ... Nicki and Samuels were arguing at a hotel pool in Dallas Monday night and took it upstairs to the room.
According to the police report, Nicki followed Samuels up to the room they were sharing, to make sure he didn't take any of her stuff. Nicki was in the room looking into her suitcase, which had some of Samuels' belongings, when she says he "grabbed the suitcase and as he was picking it up, he shoved the suitcase across [Nicki's] chin and lower lip."
The police report goes on: "[Nicki's] teeth struck the inside of her lower lip, causing the inside of the lower lip to cut and start to bleed."
According to the report, a paramedic arrived on scene, but Nicki decided she didn't want to press charges so the case was closed.
Dude's name is Safaree, that's all you need to know. Try fucking stealing shit fro a guy named Safaree. This is what happens, he bops you with your own suitcase. Cheers to assistants not taking shit from their arrogant asshole bosses.
From TMZ:
TMZ has obtained the police report describing the hotel altercation between Nicki Minaj and a man, in which she claimed he struck her in the face with a suitcase ... and Dallas cops tell us the alleged attacker is Nicki's assistant Safaree Samuels.
TMZ broke the story ... Nicki and Samuels were arguing at a hotel pool in Dallas Monday night and took it upstairs to the room.
According to the police report, Nicki followed Samuels up to the room they were sharing, to make sure he didn't take any of her stuff. Nicki was in the room looking into her suitcase, which had some of Samuels' belongings, when she says he "grabbed the suitcase and as he was picking it up, he shoved the suitcase across [Nicki's] chin and lower lip."
The police report goes on: "[Nicki's] teeth struck the inside of her lower lip, causing the inside of the lower lip to cut and start to bleed."
According to the report, a paramedic arrived on scene, but Nicki decided she didn't want to press charges so the case was closed.
 |
| I'd hit that...with a suitcase |
Dude's name is Safaree, that's all you need to know. Try fucking stealing shit fro a guy named Safaree. This is what happens, he bops you with your own suitcase. Cheers to assistants not taking shit from their arrogant asshole bosses.
Humpday Hotty: Fergie
Why else would Fergie be allowed to still be in the Black Eyed Peas other than her pure hotness? She has that used-to-be-an-addict sort of hotness. She probably gives dome like she's done it for crack before, because she has. Apparently the group is yet again breaking up; who knows what stupid shit Fergie will end up doing on her own. Her face is weird sometimes but that body is out of control.
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