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Friday, December 31, 2010

Massive Wrap-Up: Peace 2010

Okay, it has been an awesome year, no doubt. A ton of cool shit has happened, I will only try here to cover what I can, for 2010 in all it's glory is now gone.

2010 was a pretty good year for movies, if you're a 14 year-old Harry Potter fanatic that is. Well, there are some other badass films that also came out, let us not forget...

Let Me In - Alright none of you actually saw this movie. But I did. It was ridiculous and epic. Let's put it this way, like 5 people get decapitated. Certain parts are like fucking Braveheart for Christ's sake.

Inception - If you haven't seen it, you've heard of it. The best mindfuck of the year, and as P. Diddy would say, "A Deep Mind-Fuck." Which brings me to...

Get Him to the Greek - Hilarious. Hands down funniest movie of 2010. P. Diddy actually doesn't suck, Jonah Hill is the awkward fat fuck he always is. And Russell Brand plays the convincing, attempting-to-be-intellectual moron superstar. I loved it, and you did too.

Kick-Ass - This movie I was sort of skeptical of. I mean McLovin was fine in Superbad, but like, how would he do in a real movie? The answer was get one-upped by a twelve year-old girl and Nicholas Cage. But the movie was awesome and you could take it seriously. Kind of. I mean, a real-life superhero though, tell me you all haven't thought of how cool that shit would be.

The Other Guys - This was another one I wasn't sure of. But the cast sets it in stone. Samuel L. Jackson and the Rock are in it just enough to be hilarious. Eva Mendes is your eye candy, and Marky Mark and Will Ferrel are so fucking funny. Awesome movie.

Toy Story 3- Moviefone already has TS3 as their number one movie of 2010. And I must admit, it was awesome. Those who haven't seen it, try to erase the abortion that was TS2 from your heads, and drink in the awesomeness of the third installment of the movie that got us kids into computer people things. Don't knock it because the first one came out when you were younger and now you're jaded and old and rickety. It is still awesome, trust me.

And fuck you Harry Potter and Twilight I ain't saying shit about either of you fags.

Another huge thing this year as far as movies was the smart electronics companies giving the old 3D a whirl yet again. Remember this shit from like the 80's? Or Disneyland? Yeah, well now it's back. And even though the price of a 3D movie is like $15, I just saw Tron in 3D, and that shit is nuts. It's like five steps above watching a Blu Ray or some shit. They even got 3D TV's now, who woulda thunk it.

Internet Videos

Intruder Song - This started as an interview during a news story, and has become a national phenomenon. Dude's song is on iTunes and everything. Antoine Dodson even performed it live at an awards show. Here is the break-in that started it all...This crazy shit has 26 million views, holy jesus christ monkey balls.

Double Rainbow - Double Rainbow is an emotionally charged homage to the most elusive of rainbows, the double rainbow. This man's appreciation for nature's beauty touched us all.

Also I'm going to predict the break-out youtube sensation of 2011. My boys over at Epic Meal Time. They are a bunch of funny-ass Canadian dudes and a couple hot chicks who love to cook. And this isn't any Food Network bullshit. They do everything with bacon and Jack Daniels. Watch out 2011 they're coming. I already posted their alcohol laden breakfast, so here's another Epic Meal Time classic.


Dubstep - 2010 is the year of the techno comeback. Dubstep has been taking over the youth of America slowly, and now it's just getting ridiculous. Everyone and their mother loves Dubstep, and if you haven't listened to Sierra Leone by Mt. Eden at least 545345656 times, you're a Dubstep poser or something like that.

2010 was my introductory year to this Dubstep and techno stuff, but it is pretty damn cool. I will say this, don't hate until you've seen a show. This type of shit isn't the same unless you're in a crowded bar rolling your face off with three hundred people within 50 feet of you, all dancing like seizuring zombies. It is awesome. For some reason.

Wiz Khalifa - As far as music goes this was Wiz Khalifa's year. The young rapper has been dropping tons of mixtapes, touring constantly, and for lack of a better term, blowing up. He's a squirrely looking little fucker, but damn do the ladies love him. You can download Wiz Khalifa's many mixtapes off of datpiff.

His breakout hit of 2010. Black and Yellow.

Pittsburgh killing the rap game

Drake - With Lil' Wayne spending much of 2010 behind bars, his protege Drake has blown the fuck up in his absense. He's cooling down now towards the end of the year, but his debut album, Thank Me Later, is on Rolling Stone's Best Albums of 2010 at the number 7 spot. It sold north of one million copies, and with tons of guest spots on other songs as well, this was definitely the year of Drake.

How can I mention Drizzy without mentioning the hottest female artist out there, Nicky Minaj. The queen of Young Money has taken the second half of 2010 by storm. She's due to be big in 2011. Her debut album, Pink Friday, sold 375,000 units the first week, second only to Kanye West for biggest sales in an opening week this year.

Sam Adams - Boston's favorite son finally put Beantown on the music map. Kid blew up big time and let's hope he sticks around. Who thought anyone would ever give a fuck about a kid from Trinity College. Rumor has in Interscope hopped on that bitch already. We'll see what he's got in 2011.

Of course crazy shit was going down in sports, as it does every year. A few choice bits.

Tiger Woods - Everyone couldn't stop talking about him fucking whores and blah blah blah. Now he dropped to #2 in the world. Holy shit! His ass better stop pounding porn stars in the butts and start hitting the range.What I'm waiting for is a big Tiger comeback in 2011. He is a golf god, of course he'll start kicking ass again, won't he?

When will he come back?

Michael Vick - Without a doubt the biggest story in sports this year is the astounding come back of Michael Vick. He was finally released from prison, missed the first three games of the season to Kevin Kolb, who did alright. But then Vick stepped up and made the Eagles a force to contend with in the NFC. Peep the ridiculous stats, he's killing the NFL like the dogs they are....too soon? I know everyone still hates him but for christ's sake their are worse guys in the NFL. So shut the fuck up unless you know what you're talking about people.

Go go gadget redemption!
Oh yeah and the NFL's good old shitbag Quarterback Derek Anderson, who found himself on the Cardinals this year, flipped the fuck out. Dude, you were laughing while your team got pooped on. Pop a Xanax or something. Best rant of the year award though, kudos.

Barrak Obama chose 2010 to wake the fuck up and get shit done. Obamacare began, little by little it will continue to come into affect into 2014. He signed a new START treaty with Russia, and put the ax to don't ask don't tell. Let's just hope he keeps getting shit done. Jobs now please Mr. Prez?

Maybe I'll keep doing good shit, Maybe


Medical Marijuana expanded slowly in 2010. Arizona was the only state to pass a medical marijuana bill. But Californians voted on legalizing the drugs for anyone over 21, and they got 41% of the vote. The whole country might be moving slowly, but it looks like Cali is looking at legal weed in the next few years. That's a big step.

All in all, 2010 was an epic year. Tons of sick movies came out, our black president woke the fuck up and signed some shit, and Michael Vick started killing more than doggies. Also this one blog got started in September, and thanks to you guys it has had 3,500 views and counting in three months.

Silly Africa, it's 2011!
And not just you U.S. people, oh no. Beat Blathering viewers are also abundant in Germany (2nd most views) and Canada (3rd). I also learned in 2010 that if you want blog success Cobie Smulders has to be in the equation. Her Humpday Hotty post rapes anything I've ever written in views. Rapes. Hard. How I Met Your Mother must get ridiculous ratings.

Have an awesome New Year's People. I'll leave you with some rave techno crazy shit, a remix of a classic. See you in 2011. Get your party on tonight, I know I will. See you on the other side.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Chris Brown is a Douche

Alright it's official. Chris Brown needs to be put in his place. We all heard about the 2008 incident when Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna. He became a sort of pariah and now he's back on the scene, knuckles scarred and all.

Well recently he's been trying to act a bit too tough in my mind.

First, a bit of back story. Remember B2K? Yeah I know it's fuzzy, but you do. Well one of their members, Raz-B, has been in the media accusing his manager of molesting him yadda yadda attention whore. So then he tweets this and sets off a beef with the toughest of non-tough douchebags, Chris Brown:

"'Im just sittin here Thinking how can ni**as like @ebenet & @ChrisBrown disrespect women as Intelligent as @HalleBerry11 @Rihanna,' Raz-B tweeted."

Seems fair right? Calling out dudes with slamming hot girlfriends who fuck it up. I like it.

Raz-B, calling a punk a punk since 2010
And now here comes the retort from Chris Brown.

"@razb2k ni**a you want attention! Grow up ni**a!!! Dick in da booty ass lil boy."

So, this is where I don't get it. Chris Brown, if you want to sound hard and shit, don't call someone gay by saying "Dick in da booty ass lil boy." It sounds like you are proposing butt-relations to this guy, not calling him a fag. Douchebag.

Chris Brown: Slapping sluts and pounding butts

You can see the entire tweet fight here but the best is yet to come.

Last night, Ricky Romance (what the fuck?), Raz B's brother made a video trying to intimidate Chris Brown or something. Shit is motherucking gold like I've never seen.  Watch how he does the silent intimidation and you can hear the TV throughout, wicked thug, homie. He's trying to be tough but the Honda commercial kinda fucks it up.

Look, borderline musical people, leave the beef to dudes who really are pissed all the time. Leave the calling out to DMX, after he gets out of the pen, and other rappers who actually aren't pussies. Two homos on Twitter calling each other fags, but then making sure their fans know they aren't homophobes? I don't think I've seen a more pussy fight than when Burt and Ernie had a marital dispute. Seriously. You're both fags, and Ricky Romance, who the fuck are you? This is just a case of three fags calling each other fags but not wanting to offend their tweet followers, which makes them all fags.

Chris Brown, I gave you a second chance after you beat on Rihanna like a redheaded step-child. But this is too much, trying to be hard. Your voice sounds like a 17 year-old chick. You are not tough. I repeat. Chris Brown, you are not tough.

Who the fuck is Ricky Romance?

Oh Whatup Tyreke

So Tyreke Evans gave the Sacramento Kings their only highlight-worthy shot last night. With no time on the clock he sent one up to beat the Grizzlies. Don't hate, even the Sac Kings deserve a break during the Holidays. And Tyreke Claus made a late delivery.

But he still doesn't look as fly as Nate Robinson in his new fur from Shaq. This is why the Celtics are sick. They fuck around in the locker room and shit, Shaq guest-conducts the Boston Pops. Oh yeah and they destroy people come May.

Get on my level Tyreke

Thursday Throwbacks: Ayo for Yayo

Andre Nickatina

Just in case you've forgotten about Andre Nickatina, his cocaine anthem, and a personal favorite "Ayo for Yayo" is our last Thursday Throwback of 2010.

PS Homemade video ain't bad.

Marc Anthony Don't Pay Taxes

According to Radar Online, Marc Anthony, the rat-faced hubby of once-epic-booty-having Jennifer Lopez, owes a whopping total of $3.4 million in unpaid taxes. Seems fairly reasonable to not pay taxes when you make $11 mil a year and your slamming  ball-and-chain pulls in $20 mil. Yeah the government definitely won't figure out you haven't paid taxes on your Long Island estate since "I Need to Know" released. Idiot.

Taxes? No hablo ingles

Look, this is one thing I don't understand about celebrities. How fucking dumb are you? If I don't pay my taxes, the government loses out on like $300 so they could give a fuck. But when you own a crib like this on Long Island, it's different. You have money, and lots, so Uncle Sam doesn't take kindly to you not paying taxes. I just laugh at you rich fuckers while I slip through the cracks. That's Amurrica.

Like don't you have any idea of the recession we are in? The fucks in the government need your $3.4mil bra, and they ain't going to let it slide. Especially when you're puerto rican or whateverthefuck Marc Anthony is. Lesson learned you latin douche. Have fun once J Lo's looks go south. This is Amurrica Marc Anthony, not communist Venezuela or wherever you're used to.

Adult Chocolate Milk

Look out Four Loko (which is banned in Vermont by the way), step aside alcohol whipped cream. Now we have Adult Chocolate Milk.

Now this has staying power. You can secretly be getting drunk at your four-year-old's birthday party. "What honey? No, it's just chocolate milk." Perfect. The stuff is 40 proof as well, not bad. The company also has a few flavors in the works, Fruit Punch, Limeade, and Orange Cream. I think I might just stick with the original. I need me one of these puppies for New Years. Too bd they don't sell them in New York yet.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Humpday Hotty: Jessica Biel

Step on up step on up. This humpday before  the New Year we're playing respect your elders. No, it ain't Betty White. It's Jessica Biel, she isn't that old but god damn she's been bringing the fire since she came out of her awkward years of Seventh Heaven. If only the pastor could see his baby now...

The thing about Biel is she has that sorta girl-next-door vibe, but everyone also understands that she could break your dick off with one twist of the hips. Did you see Blade 3? Worth it just for her snuffing vampires and looking fine.

Proud To Be a Masshole

A recent poll showed that Sarah Palin is very upopular in Alaska. Only one out of three people view her favorably. The only state where Palin has a lower rating? Good Old Massachusetts. Fuck Yeah. In Mass, only 27% of people can deal with Palin's bullshit.

The poll is pissing her off I guess because it also shows she only has 60% Republican support in Alaska, whereas in places like Montana it's closer to 80% of Republicans.

Yeah, I'd smash it, but so will Obama
This shit makes me so happy because it creates this perfect storm. Palin thinks everyone likes her. So she will try for the Republican nomination in 2012. And any liberal worth their weight in weed should want her to run. She could cough up her home state. That is never a good sign. Hand us the election Republicans, please but this she-douche up to debate Barrack, please. Ohio has only 37% approval of Palin. Florida, another huge state come election time, is 36%. PLEASE RUN FOR PRESIDENT Sarah, please. The poll results are here.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Jesus H Christ. I wake up late this morning, look around for some smut to peddle, and instead I find a clip of Tucker Carlson, who was filling in for Sean Hannity on Fox News. Carlson talks about Obama applauding the Eagles for giving MVP candidate Michael Vick a second chance. He then says that Vick should have been executed for killing dogs...full article here.

Now, let me start this by saying that I love animals. I especially love dogs. I think that what Vick did was wrong, stupid, cruel, and every other evil adjective you can think of. That being said, all you PETA fanatics, here's some knowledge. If Michael Vick gets executed, what should happen to Ray Lewis? There are people in the NFL, Ray included, who have been tried for murder. AND Ray Lewis got a plea deal for giving up his two co-defendants. With those types of people in the NFL, how can anyone bitch about Michael Vick? Let's be realistic. I think Ray Lewis may have had a part in a double stabbing, but he is a fucking good linebacker, and he worked the system to not be in jail for life. So let him play. Michael Vick did his time, so let him play.

Does Ray Lewis have to stab a bitch?
There are tons of other examples. Just last month a Defensive End for the New Orleans Saints, Will Smith, was charged with domestic abuse for dragging his wife down the street by her hair. Think he's the only one? Here is a link to the NFL Arrests Database, domestic abuse seems to come up again and again.

So all you holier-than-thou people who say Michael Vick should be burned at the stake or something, shut the fuck up. You watch and cheer on a team every Sunday who probably employs or has employed a felon. And it's not just the NFL, convicted felons are everywhere.

But people can change, and if the fucking law says he gets two years, he gets two years. Tucker Carlson, run for president with your platform as "elevating killing dogs to the same as killing people." At least you'll get more votes than fucking Sarah Palin.

I mean think about it, there are states with no death penalty for killing people, and I love my dog as much as the next guy, but I think my life should be held above his in the eyes of the law. Are we all going insane?! They live for fucking twelve years. My dog could be born the same day as me and die before my balls drop. So what the fuck? Of course killing them is cruel, but killing a person is worse, fuck you Tucker Carlson and fuck you Fox News. Dogs are man's best friend, but they are still dogs.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Glorious Headshot

Damn. That's all. That. Just. Happened.

4:20 Funny: The Dude Lives

In an interview for True Grit, Jeff Bridges was asked if he was stoned when he accepted his Academy Award last year. He then gives the dude dap when he responds yes to Bridges question, "Are you high right now?"

How can you not love the Dude? He is awesome. And you know by his response that he was ripped. I would be high too if I had to make a speech accepting an award in front of like, the world. Light me one up in the bathroom and go make an ass of myself. It's not like anyone cares anymore, being high is the new being drunk.

Long live the dude.

Sign This Guy Up! NASCAR 2011

Look at this shit, this guy is a born winner. He is probably poor and stupid enough to win the whole thing in 2011. Homie is completely out and he's still revving and shifting like fucking Speed Racer. Yeah this is real life David After Dentist. And it goes fast and turns left. Makes me miss the old Speed Racaer cartoon. You know this dude was in the Mach 5.

Where is the Health Insurance?

In a recently released report from the Kaiser Foundation, there are 50 million Americans now without health coverage. That number includes the 4 million people who lost coverage in 2009. According to the report, about 18% of the 265 non-elderly Americans in this country have no health insurance. And 16% only have it through Medicaid. These numbers are embarrassing to say the least. Other western powers spend have as much money per capita as the U.S. on heealth insurance and don't have 50 million people left out of the loop.

Another study by Rutgers says that six in ten Americans have been employed for longer than a year. Combine this with the fact that over half of unemployed people have no health care, rising to 60% of people who have gone without a job for over six months. So how do we fix this? Just bringing back the jobs might not do it. Part-timers and a lot of lower paying jobs offer no health coverage whatsoever.

This is why universal healthcare in 2014 is necessary. We have an employer-based system of obtaining health care. You work, your boss supplies you with a company health plan, maybe even some dental and shit if you're lucky, and everyone is happy. But, with unemployment hovering around 10%, we see the problem. Families that make as little as 4,000$ a month cannot afford to pay out of pocket for healthcare. In a recession the employer health system crumbles. No one can really afford to pay for their own. But there may still be backlash if the health care bill gets repealed by the next president.

As 2014 approaches, businesses are going to convert full-time positions into part-time ones. As of 2014 any business with over 30 employees will be legally obligated to provide it's employees with health care. Full time employees however. So a company might restructure to turn one full time position into two part-time gigs. Same amount of man-hours, no health care costs.

Okay, this is my political shtick. This is the reason we need to re-elect Obama. If a conservative wins the election in 2012, bye bye health care, hello public health crisis.

Recently I've been happier with the first vote I ever made. Obama passed the START treaty with the Russians, and got Don't Ask Don't Tell through.

Finally, he's out there grinding

For those who don't know, START is a strategic arms treaty between the US and Russia that in it's latest installment will cut down both countries nuclear arsenal from 2,200 warheads to 1,550. It's still enough to blow up the entire world like five times, but it is something. The important part is that with the new treaty in place, inspectors ensure both countries nuclear weapons are dismantled properly, and that both protect their nuclear material from getting into the wrong hands. Not a massive, heart-attack win for Obama, but at least he's getting something done.

Don't Ask Don't Tell being repealed was a moral victory more than a political one. The archaic law that persecutes gays who come out in the military is just plain bullshit, and now its gone. Cooler heads prevailed on that one.

But still no one can get health care unless you have a really secure, well-paying job for a company that isn't a bunch of scumbags like Walmart. Too bad scumbag companies run the world.

You Know When You Just Wanna...

Beat the piss out of someone? Well there is an awesome video of two players from the Mississippi State basketball team working each other over in the stands before a tourney game in Hawaii. And when I say working each other over, I mean one dude was getting bombs dropped on him all day. Both Renardo Sidney and Elgin Bailey were suspended and sent home for the incident. And of course these are two of Miss St.'s best players. So they are fucked. That's what happens when you rip off a team mate in a crack deal. There is nothing like a team mate ripped off. Hide your children.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Have a Merry Christmas

We're shutting down until I get back from the annual boozefest that is Christmas in my family. I wish all my viewers a happy holidays. Get crunk and don't get caught drunk driving. Party like rockstars.

I'll be back Monday to bring you more of what you want. The best news anywhere. Fuck the haters.

Pauly D is Getting a Spin-off

So finally, MTV has realized that the only cast member of the Jersey Shore who isn't just a media-whore is Pauly Delvecchio aka "DJ Pauly D." I am a shameless fan of the show, and all you have to do is watch one episode to see how everyone else starts shit just because they like their show to be popular, and Pauly just sits back, has fun, gets drunk, and slays pussy. Now he's getting a spin-off. Talk shit all you want about how gay the show is, I ignore the hate. Jersey Shore is like the visual equivalent of going to McDonald's and getting a Big Mac. You love it going down, but after you feel gross and dirty. I have my vices, you have yours.

Ladies you know you like it
The Third season of the Jersey Shore will take place in Seaside Heights, New Jersey like the first season. The show premieres January 6th. He has a single "Beat Dat Beat" as well. It sucks balls, but who gives a fuck.

Another key to Pauly D's success and marketability is that he isn't dumb. He knows that the show was his way into the world of entertainment. Before the show he DJed in his hometown of Providence, RI. Now he DJ's out of Vegas. He's trying to maximize his exposure and profit from the show, while the rest of the cast are just endorsing bronzer and shit.

Can't wait for the spin-off.

Sports Stories Mash

Alright, I'm just doing all the sports stories in one big old post. Because to tell you the truth, not many are worthy of me rambling about them for days on end. Most are still mentionable however.

First up, sexy Rex Ryan is left flabbergasted during a press conference when asked questions about the alleged foot fetish video of him and his wife that's going around the internet. As a Pats fan, seeing this smug fucker at a loss for words makes me laugh so hard.

Yeah it's a fucking personal matter, until you bring the video camera into the equation. Idiot. And here's the video in question. Look I appreciate that most people have weird kinks and fetishes, but the foot thing gets me. Like, how can someone consider even nice-looking feet a sexual turn-on? Freaks.

Moving to the NBA, last night my Celtics beat the 76ers to extend their diesel winning streak to 14 games. Get some NBA, that's all I got to say. The Celtics are ripping through their schedule like Pierce is twenty five again. Rondo is averaging a league-leading 13.8 dimes per game. The next closest is Steve Nash with 10.2. Kid is dealing this year, if he gets his jumper down, best point guard in the league, hands down. He's also third in the league in steals behind Chris Paul and Monta Ellis with 2.35 a game. I'm just saying.

The league-leading Spurs (25-3) extended their own streak to 10 after beating the Nuggets 109-103.

As far as college football is concerned, last night Boise St. proved against Utah why they can't bitch about being snubbed as far as the BCS. They are a good team against poor teams. Sorry. 26-3 doesn't do the game justice, Boise looked pretty flat instead of pissed about being snubbed and trying to run Utah into the ground to prove something.

Landon Donovan, the Soccer phenom, is getting divorced from his smoking wife Bianca Kajlich, but according to a statement given to TMZ, they are going to stay best friends...yeah okay. Could you stay just friends with this piece? Didn't think so.

So that's about it for a boring day in sports. Besides Ohio State football players trading autographs for tattoos. Yawn, who gives a fuck.

But I will throw hockey a bone. Peep this goalie fight from the East Coast Hockey League. at 45 Seconds you see the close goalie hop in, then shit gets real quick. Good thing the black team's goalie grabbed the other dudes jersey, homie was about to beat him like a red-headed stepchild.

Thursday Throwbacks: Regulate!

It's that time of year. Gotta have your shopping in check, along with the bank account that is now into the overdraft. Family events lead to heated arguing always? You gotta regulate. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Good Old Women Drivers

Okay ladies, I always take shit for joking about you driving or just careening cars into walls or something. And I understand it is a generalization, but here is my proof.

Female Driver Gets Car Unstuck

American girls get a pass because she's obviously Euro trash, but I mean this shit is priceless. And American women you do still mostly blow at driving. "She's an idiot...It's about to hit the house." Dude is so calm as he watches this girls BMW try to run away from her. Because every car driven by a woman suffers more abuse than this on an average day, according to me.

"Oh boy she's gunna cry."

Asking and Telling Finally Accepted by US Military

Earlier today Preseident Obama signed into law the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." In case you've been living under a rock, that is legislation outlining the Military's handling of homosexuality. It was essentially legal discrimination, pressuring gays to not "come out" in the military, unless they want to deal with repercussions. It lasted seventeen years on the books. It ended today.

Look, I think that gays should be able to join the military. Bottom line is we need all the help we can get with all the bullshit wars we're fighting. And be openly gay all you want, as long as you're covering my ass in that foxhole, we're all good here. But I don't think the law makes it more likely for gays to come out in the military. People still live their whole lives hiding their sexuality, in the real world. So how is being in the most masculine, manly, testosterone infused line of work going to make you feel comfortable coming out? I don't think it does at all. The change also obviously doesn't change the unofficial culture in the military of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

The few, the proud, the homos
At least Obama held up one tenet of his '08 election. He said he would repeal this law, and he did. Too bad on issues that actually matter to the rest of the country who aren't gay and in the military, he folded. The rich are still getting their tax cut extended. Fucking pussy.

Here's what I was thinking when I read that story that is really cool. When you are the President, you sign shit and it becomes law. Like could you scribble an Executive Order to dismantle Fox News and sign it then just hand it to your Secret Service Homie and poof? That would be ridiculous. Signing shit into law is badass as fuck.

Humpday Hotty: Mila Kunis

Alright Alright Alright. You guys are fucking crazy. That Cobie Smulders chicks post has gotten like 58953057394 views compared to every other post. I mean you guys are eating that shit up. Let me put you in your place. This is the original hotty of funny shows. Jackie from that 70's show might be the most annoying character ever, and Meg on Family Guy well...fuck Meg. But Mila Kunis is slamming. Enjoy.

Suck on that How I Met Your Mother.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Finally Someone is Going to Pay

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange told the U.K. Times that an upcoming leak is going to cause the resignation of an executive at a major American bank.

It is speculated that the bank Assange is referring to is Bank of America, who stopped processing payments to Wikileaks recently. Apparently Assange has a 5GB hard drive from the exec, and apparently it's implications to the bank and Federal regulators are going to cause a shit-fit.
From Huffington Post

I say, keep makin' it rain brotha
Can anyone really argue that Wikileaks is bad if this hard drive really turns out to be a gold mine of high-level finance fraud or at least lack of ethics? I mean our government couldn't even force resignations after the banks collapsed. So if Wikileaks can finally bring to light all the bullshit a bank like Bank of America pulls behind the scenes, how is that wrong? It's called accountability, and if the government won't do it, as it is their task to do, someone fucking has to. Personally if I had any say we would have strung up all the executives at the major banks for fucking America in the ass. They fucked up their industry and laughed all the way to the bank when the taxpayers bailed them out. Bullshit.

The funniest part is the government's weak attempts to discredit Wikileaks. Labelling them as "terrorists." Trying to censure them whenever possible. It's laughable. I hope this shit keeps coming out. What kind of government do we support that doesn't even want a single person to see some of these documents? If they were running the country the right way, it wouldn't matter if we saw all these documents. But they aren't, and it's one of the biggest shams in our history, our government has become a oligopoly.

The rich run this country for themselves. Half of the Senators in the U.S. are millionaires, and the House is a lower percentage but still has a high number of rich members. If Wikileaks can at least try to show the general population how bad we're getting fucked, then maybe we'll do something about it, or not. As long as Americans can get a McDouble for a buck, they could give a fuck about anything else.

Humpday Approaches

Alright tomorrow is Humpday people, that means another jaw-dropping, jean-tenting hotty for you all. This wekk I want the viewers to decide the hotty. email your suggestions to beatblathering@gmail.com. I'll pick the best viewer submitted hotty, and tomorrow you'll get the hotty you want on display, along with a big-up to the person who submitted her.

Cornells Drug Dealers Own Columbia

A couple weeks ago I posted about a couple kids from Columbia University who got pinched selling weed and coke and shit. Well it seems that Cornell has some thugging drug kingpins of their own. AND it was a chick. What the fuck?

According to the Cornell Daily Sun Keri Blakinger class of '11 was arrested in Ithaca with 6 OUNCES of heroin. Take that morons at Columbia. At Cornell they doing it big. The heroin was valued at $150,000.

Damn man, Cornell is pretty fucked up huh? Kids are killing themselves left and right, and they got young-ass females dealing heroin. Jesus. This chick has more balls than maybe anyone ever. Like if anyone knew she was holding that much heroin she wouldn't be able to leave the dorm. Amazing. Kudos to you Keri Blakinger, you are a true baller who is never going to see the light of day without it being through bars, ever again. Salute.

mmmm heroin

Its Finally Over, I Hope

Well last night we may have finally seen the last of Brett Favre. You can play through almost any injury under the sun, except for a concussion. The NFL has concussed players go through so much red tape to play that after the game Favre was talking about his career in the past tense...finally.

Look, I almost liked Brett Favre until three years ago he started this yearly will I come back or won't I. After he started that shit, I began to hate him. Now I'm just hoping with this concussion it's all over. Just give it up old man, you were a great quarterback, but if you continue you'll end up leaving the game on a stretcher.

Great dude you broke Grandpa
But of course after saying this, he'll be back next year. Dude really won't stop until he's in a chair like Stephen Hawking or some shit.

Jesus I'm going soft, I was just looking for a Stephen Hawking picture to post, but dude is so pathetic looking I can't even do it, I know he's smarter than I'll ever be, but what the fuck? I'm soft today.

Monday, December 20, 2010

40% of Americans are Morons

A new Gallup Poll released on Friday reveals that 40% of Americans still believe in Creationism. The number was 47% in 1999. Another 38% of Americans have this weird belief that we evolved from lower life, but God caused it. And only 16% of people believe in complete evolution with no old guy on a cloud pulling the strings. Among people with college degrees, 21% believe in evolution, that almost helps.

Are Americans really this fucking dumb? Like lets be real here. Is it the complexity of the story? Maybe that's why dumb people believe in creationism.

Here are the stories in short

Around 10,000 years ago, God makes Adam and Eve. The rest is in the book I call the most successful work of fiction ever created, the Bible.

Life starts about 3 billion years ago and slowly evolves through a process of successful genetics being passed on generation to generation, eventually leading to land animals, and humans.

I guess it is just easier to say that some guy created this whole thing we call the universe. But just take one class at the college level in astronomy, geology, or anything related to the Earth and space, and you'll wonder "how the fuck could there be one dude controlling this whole thing?" The answer is simple, there isn't a dude pulling the strings.

This really discourages me. I mean I know Americans are fucking dumb, we did have George Bush in office (illegally) at one point. But come the fuck on people. Open your goddamn eyes people. You believe that an entity created the heavens and the Earth, for no apparent reason really, put two people on the earth, they fucked up, and so he continued to keep trying. He even wiped the planet clean one time because he was so pissed. And THEN you believe that instead of just appearing himself to prove he exists, he fucked a virgin without actually fucking her and made a son, who was really just a carpenter. Then this son gained so much popularity that his death was inevitable so his friends come up with his death as being awesome and saving everyone. You pray to this person even though he has no business in human life, ever. You had cancer and got cured? It's called medicine, and no disease kills everyone. You got hit by a car and lived? God didn't help you, you are just a badass.

Why are there other planets and stars if God created the heavens and Earth? He wanted us to have pretty stuff in the sky to look at? Don't think so. Why does he just sit up there and let people fight over his name? Shouldn't a benevolent god come down and set the record straight? Where the fuck is he?!?!

And we evolved from monkeys. Yes I said it, they are smelly and pick their butts and whatever. They are smart as shit, probably if they could talk less of them would believe in God than humans. And they evolved from something else, and we will eventually evolve into something else. If we don't destroy the planet before the laws of evolution move on from humans.
No god, just chimp
How can people who blindly believe in God even be considered sane in any real sense? It's kind of like crazy fucking morons who like worship Harry Potter or something, but ten times worse. People give money to churches, devote time to prayer and other bullshit, and dedicate their whole lives to what is essentially a lie. The Bible is a collection of stories, with MANY exclusions, including books written by women (hm why would they be left out?) and books which paint jesus in different ways the church does not support. Other religions are the same. god is a fictional character, with the same actual substance as Peter Griffin or Tom Sawyer.

Today is just one of many days I am ashmed to share a country with you religious whackos. Science is how we move forward, I think that if you don't believe in evolution then you shouldn't get to use science in any way. Get sick? Go to a priest or witch doctor. Need medicine? Pray. You cant use science every day and deny theories that are derived from careful research at the same time. Fuck your couch religion.

Asian Hijinks to Lighten your Monday

This guy is my hero. I was looking around for funny videos to make me feel better about having a final exam later. This did it. The only way to make a 100m hurdle race cool is to have that guy who just resigns himself to say fuck the hurdles, I'm winning this bitch old school. That is how Shaft would run the hurdles.

How Not To Win A Hurdle Race

Shaft approved

Butt Stuff in Idaho

Okay, what the fuck is up with High School athletics hazing? I mean look, I understand a certain amount of shit you do to the fucking rookies. Fine, but this shit is ridiculous.

Friday a story came out involving three college football athletes.
Boise State - freshman receiver Anthony Clarke
Idaho State University - tight end (irony to follow) Nathan Walker
Carroll College - freshman Logan Chidester

The three all went to the same high school in Blackfoot Idaho. Allegedly these three and two more people from their high school basketball team hazed some of their players a little too hard. They are charged with forcibly penetrating teammates using a foreign object. I shit you not. The two up top who are on their college's teams have been suspended. But they are fucked, according to the Police Chief more victims are coming forward.

I may have grown up in the Northeast and maybe its real boring out in Idaho, but what college basketball team is worth taking a "foreign object" in the ass? Like how the fuck does that happen? Like, having to carry shit or like do some sort of chore is fine, but come on, foreign objects in the ass? Good Darwin that sucks. At least be men and use your dicks. It's a common courtesy.

Captain: Hey rook, you think you're hot shit taking a charge on me in practice?

Rookie: Well I am just trying to impart in you better knowledge of the game so our entire team will be become better and compete at a higher level. Since I am not a starter and have much to learn I can only help the team by providing realistic competition during practices.

Captain (to sadistic psychopathic comrades): He thinks he's smart talking to me like that, let's put this lax stick one of my bro's gave me in his ass.
(Sodomy occurs)

Like do these kids have no self respect? I think one of the ONLY acceptable reasons to blow away people in your school is them shoving something in your ass because you're a freshman. Like if you went Columbine all up in your school and the cops caught you and you were like "Dudes shoved a bro stick in my ass," the cops would let you go. No questions ask.

This is Bro Rape at it's finest, and we need to eliminate it. I think any bro who rapes should have a gun put in his mouth and I'll pull the trigger until it clicks, personally.

You bros disgust me.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Bike Tricks To Start Your Weekend

Alright step on up step on up. We have a true philosophical argument to round up the week. Are videos better when the idiot beefs it? Or when you think they are going to beef and they kill it and lose awesome? You decide.

Kid Flipping off Swing onto Bike


Dude Hopping off a Deck on Bike

I can't decide, I think the asshole in me just loves to see people fail when they are videotaping themselves. Trying to look cool and failing miserably always gets me chuckling. Enjoy the weekend peoples.

Holy Headshot Batman!

Oh I Love it. I mean I hate MMA and I think it's annoying but it seems like people finally hopped off the bandwagon. Until now. Look at this spiderman shit.

Hows your head bro? That's an off-the-wall headshot if I've ever seen one. Dayum. Respect that. Thanks to brobible for the heads up story. Awesome headshot's are my favorite. Especially when it's a dude just getting baffled and then kicked in the face. That. Just. Happened.

Pretty-Boy Floyd on the Run

Floyd Mayweather now has a warrant out for his arrest, because of an incident on November 15th, when he ...poked a security guard a couple times?

Apparently the security guard was giving Mayweather's car a parking ticket outside his home, when Floyd came out and started yelling about the guard touching his property and poked him a couple times in the face.

Look dude, why would you turn in Floyd for poking you? You're lucky he didn't come out and rock you in the face. I mean dude is facing a battery charge either way, so count your blessings that he didn't unload one into your nose. Come on bro, a parking ticket? I wish the story said what kind of car it was, probably like a $50 ticket on a $500,000 car.

Good old Floyd is also currently on $33,000 bail for "felony coercion, grand larceny and robbery charges from a September dispute with his children and their mother. He could face up to 34 years in prison if convicted in that case," According to Huffington Post.

So I guess the point is Mayweather is so scared of possibly fighting Manny Pacquiao that he is just getting into trouble with the law to avoid the bout. Fucking pussy, quit poking security and fucking with your baby-mama and fight that fucking Phillipino. We all know he'll scrape the ring clean wit your face but come on son, be a man and take it. You'll get paid an obscene amount if that helps. Then you'll really be Philthy Rich.

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

Alright every fucking year this comes up. And every year I think it's such a stupid debate. You know what I'm talking about. There is always a group of people (my mother included) who think that even though 9 out of 10 Americans celebrate Christmas in some way, we should say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Look, I hate Jesus, but I do exchange gifts with my family because they're all Christian and I'd rather suck it up then get burned at the fucking stake once a year.

According to a Religious News Service Poll we are almost evenly divided on the issue. 44% of Americans think that retailers should use generic greetings like "Happy Holidays," 49% are opposed to it.

But her is the interesting part. The poll found that Christmas is becoming a more and more secular holiday. Americans are 83% likely to watch It's a Wonderful Life, and only 66% likely to attend religious service on Christmas Eve or Day. Welcome to America. Our Catholic Church is infested with pedophiles but still we cannot hang onto our favorite holiday.

The poll also reveals many other statistics about who cares about the "real" Christian Christmas and who just celebrates it for the cultural norm.

To me Christmas is a perfect example of a holiday that Corporate America has grabbed onto, and is now strangling the life from it. They want as many people to celebrate Christmas, because it now entails buying presents. They could give a flying fuck if you even know who Jesus is. Retailers spoon feed us Christmas on a stick and we run out Black Friday and spend all of our money on "deals" which are really just a one-day relaxation of their horrific prices.

Just look at the poor Grinch, the most villainous of the Christmas characters. Put it into perspective. And by the way I'm referencing this guy, not the Jim Carey version.
When we were all kids, we watched the Grinch. Now, the story is about that one guy who doesn't like Christmas and tries to stop it. He is then converted to a Christmas-lover by little Cindy Lou Who. Now of course they surround the plot with humor and wit and shit like that. But this story is essentially demonizing anyone who dislikes and or does not celebrate Christmas to our children at a young age.

The Grinch is probably the favorite cartoon of Corporate America as well. The Grinch takes everyones' presents and they get sad, but then they band together and he sees the power of friendship or some bullshit. The point is the story is saying presents don't matter, but at the end the Whos get their presents back. Okay Dr. Seuss, thanks for brainwashing our kids. But no fucking thanks. Of course I'll still buy shit for my family and get some stuff as well. Because I'm spineless. But the children can still be saved from spending all of their salary at Wal-Mart on Black Friday because of some stupid cartoon.

Would it be cool if we all said "Happy Holidays"? Sure. But look, 90% of Americans celebrate Christmas, so in all fairness we should just suck it up and realize the numbers. Sorry Jews and Kwanzaa-celebrating African-Americans. There are more white Christians than you, so we have to play by their rules.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thanks Miley Cyrus, You Just Fucked Salvia

Alright, now even though Salvia has been around forever apparently no old people knew about it until the video came out of Miley Cyrus ripping it out of a bong. TMZ got the footage of course.

So now everyone over 25 is like, wait what the fuck is Salvia? And of course they find some new drug and think it's like smoking heroin or something. Adi Jaffe, Ph.D. wrote this article about it for Huffington Post.

Look, most people I know don't even like Salvia. Most people become paranoid pussies when they do any drugs, much less a drug that makes you immediately trip your face off. Listen, old unhip Americans, can you just shut the fuck up and realize that both you and Miley Cyrus are way behind the times. Experimenting with Salvia isn't cool anymore, why give it attention so it becomes cool again? Morons. I thought you guys hate drugs? So don't bring attention to them. By the way, its legal in New York. Get your trip on for Miley people, and please, unlike her rookie ass, clear the bong the first time.

Knicks Celtics Best Regular Season NBA Game Reaction

Okay, I've waited to hear what all the sports talk people are saying about this game so I could develop my opinion and address most other people's opinions.

Okay, for the Knicks. I called that this game would be tight, I knew the Knicks would bring their A game. Amare played out of his fucking mind, as did Felton and Gallinari. This really was a statement to the NBA that the Knicks are just push over pieces of shit anymore. That being said. Knicks fans. You still lost. I shit myself when Amare hit that almost buzzer beater. But listen. The Knicks played their best game of the year, by far, and still couldn't come through. That last shot Pierce made to ice it was a classic example of the Knicks being the old Knicks. Amare isn't great at defense, so they went at him. But during the timeout any good coach would say "Look, it's going to Pierce from elbow range." Now I don't know if that was discussed by the Knicks, but every Celtics fan knew it was coming. They always do it to clinch a game and Pauly rarely disappoints.

I mean Knicks fan, just please be cool. The Celtics didn't have Shaq or Jermaine O'Neal. Rondo got hurt and still played but was obviously limping. I'll say if the Celtics had their two bigs this game wouldn't have been close. Shaq would have bodied up Amare and at least made those early buckets he got contested. That being said, I had watched maybe two Knicks games before last night. They are an axciting young team, add Mello and their legit. If you followed my advice and watched that game last night, your welcome, that'll be the best basketball game until the playoffs. I guarantee it.

This Just In: Air Jordans are Cool Again

Here is a sneak peak of the new 2011 Air Jordan's on Brobible. Minus the stupid interchangeable sole shit, they look siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.

Thursday Throwbacks

Here's a new weekly segment we can all appreciate. I'll put some throwbacks in your ears. Rock out in the office or at home, wherever. We all love a good throwback.

Aint No Party Like a P Diddy Party

Diddy Dirty Money's Album release party was streaming live on Ustream. Good thing too, or else we would have never seen this models hair go up in flames. Awesome.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Humpday Hotty: Eva Mendes

Alright, I'm bringing out the big guns this week. The last Hotty blew up the charts and now we're going bigger. I'll admit, Eva Mendes is in my top ten. She is slamming hot, even as she ages she stays so sexy. She has that latina thing where not only is she hot, but you get the feeling she would absolutely rip your cock off in the sack. In Training Day I nut every time you see her tits in the bed that one time. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway I'll let her speak for herself.

Hello Vogue
That. Just. Happened.