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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Worst Proposal Ever

From Dailymail:
A man suffered serious burns after climbing a high-voltage electricity pylon in an attempt to propose to his girlfriend.
The would-be Romeo attempted the stunt two days after he has split up with his girlfriend in Quanzhou, southern China.
In an effort to win her back, he decided to climb a pylon near to where she worked and cover it in signs declaring his love and asking her to marry him.
Shocking: Firefighters carry the badly-burned man after he attempted to propose to his girlfriend after climbing an electricity pylon in Quanzhou, China
The fried dude

But after ascending the metal pylon, he was electrocuted and thrown off into a muddy puddle below.
Witnesses called emergency services and when firefighters arrived on the scene, they found the man's clothes had been virtually burnt off his skin but he was still breathing.

He was stretchered to a waiting ambulance and rushed to hospital. Doctors say he suffered serious burns, but is now out of danger.
Unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was less than impressed with the stunt, which she called 'stupid' and 'too extreme', and rejected his proposal.

Too extreme? TOO EXTREME? The dude got himself electrocuted for love. This woman is clearly a cold-hearted bitch. And women wonder why we hate commitment. Climb a pole to propose and end up falling to your almost death (look at that picture, dude is barbeque) and you say NO. Too Extreme. What the fuck. Dude is having the worst week ever by far.

Stanley is a Pimp, Maybe?

Look what Stanley from the Office has been up to.

Alright I can't take my eyes off this thing. Is he serious, is he joking? Who knows. All I know is this is not Stanley from the Office. I mean shit maybe this "Black Hugh Hefner" thing will catch on. Might even get Leslie an invite to the Poonboy Mansion. All I know is that this is the worst song in the history of songs and the video makes me uncomfortable. I'd fuckin' love to party with Stanley though.

Boston Sports Updates

Alright so Boston has been in the headlines today for two different notable things.

First, the Sox have hired Bobby Valentine as manager.

From ESPN:
BOSTON -- Bobby Valentine will become the 45th manager of the Boston Red Sox, sources close to the situation said Tuesday night.

Valentine, who has been in Japan on personal business and was offered the Red Sox job there, was scheduled to board a flight at around noon Wednesday in Tokyo (Tuesday night at midnight ET) and be in back in Boston by midafternoon. He was one of two finalists for the job, the other being Gene Lamont, a two-time manager currently serving as third-base coach for the Detroit Tigers.

I can't even really talk baseball right now but whatever happens the Sox need to make a few more moves to turn this shit around. They need to really gut the team and rebuild around Pedroia the Destroya. 'Nuff said. I'll let the talking heads fill in the rest.

Why try to trade away the future?

And the Celtics are in the heat of talks about the NBA free agency mad dash because of their interest in Crhsi Paul. Of course Paul doesn't want to go to Boston because they are old as fuck. HEre's the thing that confuses me about the whole Paul offer by the Celts.

They wanted to work out a trade centered around Chris Paul for Rondo and other shit. Rondo? Really? The only solid young guy on the team for CP 3? I mean Chris Paul is a beast, but I think Rondo is the best young point guard in the league. Why give that up for an over-priced Chris Paul? The fuck?

I'm glad he laughed at the deal, but I wonder what Rondo thinks of his management who was so quick to ditch him for an older point guard. Fucking C's. Why would you trade the future face of your franchise? I mean it's like when they traded Perkins for old dudes. Why are they. the oldest team in the NBA, trading up in age? What is this an old people community over there? Fuckin' a.

Humpday Hotty: Jamie Lynn Sigler

Before she was getting it in with Turtle on Entourage she was innocent little Meadow Soprano. And as the Sopranos continued men across America discovered something important, Meadow is hot.

Okay so there aren't a lot of hot pictures of her on the net. Fuck it, you get the idea.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Patrice O'Neal is Dead

This is some freaky shit. If you saw the Comedy Roast of Charlie Sheen you know that PAtrice O'Neal is not shy about joking that Diabetes was going to kill him etc. etc. And, the comedy icon apparently died this morning of a heart attack.

From TMZ:
Comedian Patrice O'Neal died Tuesday morning ... as a result of a stroke he suffered back in October ... this according to his friends at the "Opie and Anthony" radio show.

O'Neal had been a staple in the comedy world for years -- and performed at the "Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen" back in September.

O'Neal was a regular guest on the "Opie and Anthony" radio show -- and appeared on several TV shows such as "Chappelle Show," "The Office," and "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn."

Opie just tweeted, "Yes it's true that our pal Patrice O'Neal has passed away. The funniest and best thinker I've ever known PERIOD."

O'Neal was 41.

This guy was one of the last big, black funny-ass comedians.

RIP Patrice O'Neal.

They're Raping Everybody out There

Hide your kids, hide your wife. The words of that Dodson dude seem to be the mantra of college sports these days.

From the Penn State scandal to the new accusations against Syracuse assistant basketball coach, it seems like the tide within the NCAA is turning from pay-for-play scandals, to sexual misconduct and cover-ups.

If you haven't heard about the Cuse scandal, heres a taste.

From the Washington Post:
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Syracuse men’s basketball coach Jim Boeheim ran a closed practice Monday as sex abuse victims’ advocates questioned whether he should still coach following the firing of longtime assistant Bernie Fine, who has been accused of molestation by three men.

As criticism swirled about Boeheim’s initial support of Fine and his verbal attacks on the accusers, the coach kept a low profile, seeking refuge in his office on the second floor of the Carmelo K. Anthony Basketball Center.

Boeheim, who had been sharply critical of the accusers, has softened his stance 10 days after an impassioned defense of Fine, who spent 35 seasons on the bench next to Boeheim and was fired Sunday.

Hide ya kids

So my question is this, how deep does this sex shit go? I mean Syracuse basketball and Penn State football are huge sports franchises. They bring in tens and hundreds of millions of dollars for their schools. But if this massive scale cover-up shit is going on in schools that are huge with a ton of scrutiny, imagine what the possibilities are for a sick fuck coaching at some small, rural school. I mean it really is scary.

Now I'm not saying that every coach everywhere is just straight raping everyone they see, but these scandals do make me wonder how deep it goes. And like the pay-for-play type shit, I think this sex abuse stuff might go way farther than we think. I mean for grown men to be coming out and talking about getting abused by Bernie Fine decades ago, you have to wonder how many bros out there are still quiet.

It's a terrible tragedy when one of these scandals come out. Years of abuse being aired out is never pretty. But the more and more people who step forward I would think will pressure the NCAA to have more insight over schools. I mean how fucked are their priorities when Reggie Bush loses his Heisman because he got free cars and shit, but these sex abuse scandals go on undetected? Terrible.

Man Issues: The Female Repeller

So at the tail end of no-shave November there comes a big decision for every dude. What do I cut my beard into? Well, for me the answer was easy. Pedo-stache.

The Female Repeller

Now this horrific thing is the most hilarious facial hair I've ever had. I love it. The only problem is I keep getting pulled over in my unmarked white van for being the "Stache Strangler" whoever that is. Anyway, I'll also use this post to purpose to the bros out there a holiday to follow no-shave November. And that is "Pedophile Week."

Pedophile week takes place the last week of no-shave November and the premise is simple. Instead of just shaving your chapped, air-starved face, you must shave some kind of weird pedophile design into your beard/stache. So for the last week of November every dude just rocks the wildest beard/stache combo they can think of. I think it's a great idea. In ten years when it becomes a staple of no-shave November you can thank me for getting you into the trend before it was cool. That makes you cooler than cool.

Oh and guys with girlfriends, they love this shit. Because what woman would even talk to a dude with that ratty little mustache that says "my extracurriculars include following Ice Cream trucks in my van." It's great for me and my relationship and hilarious to boot. I call that a win-win-win.

Human Centipede Part 2 Review

Human Centipede 2 is the most disturbing movie I have ever watched. And I knew it would be before I started watching.

The first one was psychologically a mind-fuck and a half. But this movie incorporates every element that makes a gory horror flick even more ridiculous. The sound effects staff killed it. When the main character Martin is organizing his human centipede some of the sounds are horrific and realistic. The black-and-white style makes it about twice as scary. And last but not least, the main character, Martin, is the creepiest fuck ever.

I mean the doctor in the first one was a creep, a psychotic genius. Martin is a psychotic idiot. And the scariest part of the movie is him trying to build this complicated human centipede twelve people long with rusty tools and duct tape.

Okay, so I know most of you are saying "I can't handle that movie" yadda yadda. So I will list the crazy shit that goes on so you can gauge for yourself if you can make it through without running out of the room.

Several fucked up things that occur in the Human Centipede 2:
  1. There is a lot of poo. In mouths.
  2. There is a birth scene.
  3. Martin pulls a persons ACL and MCL out of their knee and cuts them. Sort of like in 128 hours when James Franco cuts his own tendon. Awful.
  4. There is masturbation...with sandpaper. Shit you not.
  5. There is an enema with a real centipede (it goes in someones ass).
  6. There is a teeth-pulling blood-gurgling scene.
If these are all things you can live with, see the Human Centipede 2. I will say that I am one of these people who love the challenge of a movie that pushes the envelope with gore and shit, and I had to turn away and quickly turn back for some parts. It is vile. But in the end, it is a movie, and its a great movie in the complete grossness of the whole thing. The 3rd one is probably going to make me yack.

Monday, November 28, 2011

When Will Airlines Admit my Phone Won't Kill Us?

From the NY Times:
Millions of Americans who got on a plane over the Thanksgiving holiday heard the admonition: “Please power down your electronic devices for takeoff.”

And absolutely everyone obeyed. I know they did because no planes fell from the sky. No planes had to make an emergency landing because the avionics went haywire. No planes headed for Miami ended up in Anchorage. We were all made safe because we all turned off all our Kindles, iPads, iPhones, BlackBerrys and laptops, just as the Federal Aviation Administration told us to. Realistically speaking, I’m going to bet that a handful of people on each flight could not be bothered, or forgot to comply.

According to the F.A.A., 712 million passengers flew within the United States in 2010. Let’s assume that just 1 percent of those passengers — about two people per Boeing 737, a conservative number — left a cellphone, e-reader or laptop turned on during takeoff or landing. That would mean seven million people on 11 million flights endangered the lives of their fellow passengers.

Yet, in 2010, no crashes were attributed to people using technology on a plane. None were in 2009. Or 2008, 2007 and so on. You get the point.

This is sort of a glaring airline douchebag point that really pisses me off. At least getting sexually harassed on the causeway is for security. But I mean we've all been there, you go to the bathroom halfway through the flight and realize you left your phone on. And nothing happens.

Why do the airlines even try to insist that electronic devices disrupt something about flying a plane? We all know it doesn't. They might as well just say "Please turn off all electronic devices because we fuckin' said so." At least the body scanners and pat-downs are to prevent a terrorist from carrying a cock-bomb onto a plane. But I mean if sending a text were going to risk a plane crash, do people really think the airlines would let us on the plane with them at all?

What about everyone who flies private and yaps on their phone the whole fucking time they are in the air? Why don't they get harassed about their phones? Oh right because they payed 50 grand for the jet so I guess that earns them the right to not be treated like an idiot.

The transmissions from airplanes are on completely different frequencies than our cell phones, and an airplane is made to resist interference from devices outside of the planes electronic circuits, so what the fuck?

The point is, airlines, we aren't all retards. We know our phone won't fuck up the plane, so just admit that you just don't want everyone on the plane blabbing on their phones, that is the obvious truth.

The Real Office

So The hit show the Office is essentially becoming real. The employees won't be awkward and funny (maybe). But there will be a Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company, and soon.

From Hollywood Reporter:
NEW YORK – Fans of NBC hit comedy The Office are already familiar with fictional paper company Dunder Mifflin.

Now, Staples-owned Quill.com will use the Dunder Mifflin brand name for copy paper under a licensing agreement with NBCUniversal, the Wall Street Journal reported.
The Dunder Mifflin paper packages will feature slogans that fans of the series will recognize, including "Our motto is, Quabity First" and "Get Your Scrant on.”

Financial details of this two-year so-called "reverse product placement" deal weren’t disclosed. But the Journal said as part of the deal, Comcast-controlled NBCUniversal would get about 6 percent of the revenue from Dunder Mifflin paper sales. If sales targets are met, the licensing deal can be extended.
The paper brand will be priced largely above private-label copy paper, the Journal said.

Copy-paper sales are down amid the growing use of email and PDFs, and consumers often choose based on the lowest price, the Journal said. The new marketing effort is using a brand from a beloved TV series in an effort to draw attention and combat the "race to the bottom in the paper business." Quill's chief marketing officer Sergio Pereira told the paper.

Reverse product placement? Genius.

Good show, bad business idea

Not. I think this idea is novel at best, a downright disaster waiting to happen at worst. I mean I don't know shit about paper but I do know that we have computers and shit now. So I'm sure there isn't a heated billion dollar chunk of market share that this publicity stunt will eat up. Cool idea, but not practical. Nice try NBC.

What the Fuck is Miley Cyrus Up To?

From the Daily (Follow link for video):
Miley Cyrus is a “pothead” and apparently she doesn’t care who knows it.

At least that was the “party line” at her private 19th birthday bash last week at the Roosevelt Hotel Beacher’s Madhouse Club in Los Angeles. In a video obtained exclusively by Flash, when Kelly Osbourne presents a cake to Cyrus emblazoned with the face of a ganja icon, the former “Hannah Montana” star cracks, “You know you’re a stoner when friends make you a Bob Marley cake — you know you smoke way too much f***in’ weed.”

“I thought salvia was your problem, man?” retorts Osbourne.

Osbourne’s quip was a jokey reference to the infamous bong video that surfaced after Cyrus’ 18th birthday party last year, in which Miley was caught smoking what she later claimed was the legal herb.

This year, Cyrus is apparently out in the open with her predilection for reefer, even with mom and dad — Tish and formerly estranged Billy Ray Cyrus — in attendance.

“Everyone in the room knows she’s a pothead,” our spy said.

I think the burning question everyone should have after reading this is...why the fuck is Miley Cyrus best friends with Kelly Osbourne? Of course she smokes pot. I mean what the fuck do you do when you hang out with Kelly Osbourne that isn't drugs?

So after this shit went down apparently Kelly Osbourne tweeted that the stoner thing is a huge joke. Well, heres my take. If it is a joke, then fuck you Miley Cyrus. Some of us would love being at our birthday party stoned as shit to enjoy some Bob Marley cake. I mean that is the tits.

If it isn't a joke, then fuck you Miley because real stoners don't fucking act like we're cool because we puff a couple joints with Ozzy's daughter.

So either way Miley, the point is go fuck yourself.

Man Issue: Sexism

From TMZ:
The "Leather Meets Lace" party at the Playboy Mansion has triggered a lawsuit, filed by men who allegedly had to pay for admission while "gorgeous ladies" did not.

Steve Frye is suing on behalf of all men who paid $1,000 to get into the shindig.  In his lawsuit, Frye claims he was fried when he learned "gorgeous ladies" got in free.

Frye claims the double standard is sex discrimination, pure and simple.  He also says offering these women free admission "promotes harmful, negative stereotypes."

Should they have to pay?

Alright this shit is so stupid I had to address it. Look, this guy is obviously just trying to get some cashish from Playboy but it brings up a bigger issue. Sexism.

Dudes, hot chicks get whatever-the-fuck they want. Period. If they can't get it then they can con a guy into getting it for them (marriage). And guys just don't get this kind of treatment sorry. Good-looking guys get pussy, that's for sure, but it isn't like they go to the mansion for free.

So guys, just relax. We are smarter than these plastic surgery bimbo mannequins, we make more money than them. We get to be president and they don't. So we just have to sacrifice certain things. Like being in line at a club without getting to cut, and paying mad cash to get into the Playboy mansion. It's just how the world works, you win some, you lose some.

And what would that say about our society if hot chicks had to pay to get into the Playboy mansion? I mean come on. I bet Hef is ready to pay this guy $10,000 to shut the fuck up and go away.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Urinals are Boring...

So a London Bar spiced them up a little with some urinal videya-games.

From Newser:
It’s such a drag when you have to press pause on your fun night out in order to go to the bathroom—but one London bar has solved that problem by installing the world’s first urine-controlled video games in its bathroom. Only male patrons can play so far, as the games are over the urinals in the Exhibit Bar. After you play, you can—of course!—tweet your score, the Telegraph notes.

Looks pretty sweet to me
Who the fuck are these guys kidding? Videogames these days take about 5 minutes for you to get through menus and other shit. You have to piss for an hour just to get a quick round of whatever-the-fuck in. Lame. Plus you know if some shit-housed guy loses he is going to put his head through that screen. I'm calling it now.

Loser of the Week: 11/21

Game. Set. Loser.

NBA is On

Christmas Day will be the first day of the NBA Season thanks to the ownership and players finally sealing the deal last night.

From ESPN:
NEW YORK -- NBA owners and players reached a tentative agreement early Saturday to end the 149-day lockout and hope to begin the delayed season on Christmas Day.
Neither side provided many specifics but said the only words players and fans wanted to hear.

"We want to play basketball," NBA commissioner David Stern said.
After a secret meeting earlier this week, the sides met for more than 15 hours Friday, working to try to save the season. This handshake deal, however, still must be ratified by both owners and players.
Stern said it was "subject to a variety of approvals and very complex machinations, but we're optimistic that will all come to pass and that the NBA season will begin Dec. 25."

Barring a change in scheduling, the 2011-12 season will open with the Boston Celtics at New York Knicks, followed by Miami at Dallas in an NBA finals rematch before MVP Derrick Rose and Chicago close the tripleheader against Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.

The league plans a 66-game season and aims to open training camps Dec. 9. Stern has said it would take about 30 days from an agreement to playing the first game.
"All I feel right now is 'finally,'" Dwyane Wade told The Associated Press.

I didn't think that they would fucking do it. I really didn't. I'm glad they did because I like the NBA Christmas games better than Thanksgiving football. And the NBA Finals are going to be sick. Plus the short season gives my nursing-home weary Celtics a chance to win it all.

Too bad D Fish didn't get a new wifey in the deal

I still think the NBA is pretty fucked for about 5 years. I mean any casual fan who just catches their home team when they are on tv is gone. Football and hockey are on and baseball starts in the spring, without early NBA action to keep people somewhat interested this season is going to be awful for the owners.

I mean how many tickets do you think the Sac Kings will be selling come December? About 7. The NBA just alienated anyone who is either over the age of 27 or not a hardcore hoops fan. Good luck with that revenue idiots. I'm just glad we'll have hoops soon.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Air France is Scary as Fuck

From Dailymail:
An Air France jet flew for five days before ground crews noticed that 30 screws were missing from one of its wings.

The Airbus A340 plane had undergone routine maintenance in China, before flying to Paris and then on to the US before the potentially disastrous blunder was finally spotted.
The plane, which can carry up to 440 passengers, was grounded in Boston while a 'large protective panel' was screwed back into place.

The gaffe was revealed in an internal union document leaked to French news agency AFP.

Air France have blamed aircraft mechanics in the Chinese city of Xiamen, were the airline's jets are often serviced because of lower costs.

An Air France technical operations spokesman said: 'The plane flew for several days before it was grounded because one third of the screws holding down a piece of bodywork were missing.

'It was part of the outer covering of the wing and at no point was flight safety compromised.'

Are you fucking kidding me Air France? Oh sure, blame it on the cheap-ass mechanics in China you pay .50$ an hour to fix your COMMERCIAL AIRLINER. I mean goddamnit I don't mind companies using China to make Barbies and shit, but to fix airplanes?

What the fuck. If you ever think I'm flying Air France you are out of your fucking mind. I love the spokesman saying that at no point flight safety was compromised. Well even if it wasn't bro, I think you should notice earlier than 5 days when a panel on the wing is hanging on by a third the screws it should have. Seems kinda dangerous doesn't it? Just a little?

Fucking French.

Ndamukong Suh is a Douche

Hooray for morons

From Newser:
The Detroit Lions' Ndamukong Suh showed a huge Thanksgiving Day audience exactly why he is considered one of the NFL's dirtiest players. The defensive tackle was ejected in the third quarter of the Lions' 27-15 loss to the Green Bay Packers after the replay showed him pushing the head of Packers guard Evan Dietrich-Smith into the turf, then stomping on the player's right arm, ESPN reports.

Suh claims he was merely trying to keep his balance. "What I did was remove myself from the situation in the best way I felt,” he told reporters. “My intentions were not to kick anybody, as I did not, removing myself." Dietrich-Smith—saying "stuff happens"—declined to call it a dirty play, but his teammates were more outspoken. "There's no place for that," said defensive end Ryan Pickett. The win takes the Packers to a franchise-best 11-0.

Suh is a fucking scumbag. I mean not only did he cleat someone in front of the entire country on Thanksgiving, but it gave the Packers 1st and goal on the 3. Way to go you fucking moron. I mean they stopped the Pack on 3rd and goal and you do something like that? What a fucking loser. And then his whole "I got pushed so I was trying to keep my balance" is the weakest shit defense I have ever heard. Yeah man, keeping your balance requires slamming the dude under you with your cleat. Douchebag.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Eat Shit ATM Booth

He wanted to get the fuck out of there real bad.

Hey bro there's still a camera looking at you.

Looks like a terrorist to me.

Happy Thanksgiving people. Lets go Lions.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Amish Justice

From Newser:
FBI agents arrested seven men in Ohio and charged them with federal hate crimes in connection with Amish haircutting attacks, the AP reports. Breakaway Amish sect leader Sam Mullet, four family members, and others were taken into custody after agents raided their compound in Bergholz. 

The men are charged with cutting Amish people’s beards and hair, a major offense in a community that believes the Bible instructs women and men to let their locks grow, USA Today notes. They face up to 10 years in prison. 

It’s believed the hair-cutting was a response to Mullet’s excommunication by Amish leaders, who were concerned about sexual conduct in his church, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports. For his part, the leader said he “didn't order anything like” the hair-cutting, but "I didn't tell them not to.

Cutting Amish dudes' hair, not cool bro. You don't fuck with a mans beard, plus they tack on extra charges if it's No-Shave November. I mean damn dude, they are just trying to follow guy code. You don't shave your shit in November, the story even says that the bible says that shit. Going against a book written by crusty old men trying to increase their influence about something that may or may not rule the universe and son? That is just foolish. That's Amish justice.

Urban Meyer to Columbus

From ESPN:
Sources have told WKMG-TV in Orlando that ESPN college football analyst Urban Meyer has agreed in principle to become coach at Ohio State and will be introduced in the coming days. According to WKMG's sources, Meyer has agreed to a seven-year, $40 million deal.

Also, the Columbus Dispatch is reporting two well-placed sources at Ohio State said Wednesday that Meyer will be announced next week as the next head coach of the Buckeyes. But the Dispatch's sources also said final terms for a deal -- such as length of contract and financial remuneration -- have not been decided.

Contacted Wednesday by ESPN, Meyer, who coached Florida to two national championships, denied that he had a deal with Ohio State.
"I have not been offered any job nor is there a deal in place," Meyer said in a statement. "I plan on spending Thanksgiving with my family and will not comment on this any further."


Will Ohio State go back to being a powerhouse football school under Meyer? I don't know I mean he is one of the most beast college coaches around. Ever heard of a place called Bowling Green? Utah? Yeah, not after he left. Well now it's time for the Buckeyes to not suck. Unless he dies of a heart attack.

I mean I heard a couple Bukceye fans bitching on ESPN Radio that he's a "quitter", with a career record of 104-23, thats a quitter I'll take as my coach.

More Ads for Facebook, Yay!

From Huffington Post:
Facebook will be serving up more ads in more places thanks to its latest change.
The social networking service has introduced "Sponsored Stories," a.k.a. advertisements, in the ticker module that appears at the top right-hand side of users' home pages.

The ticker, unveiled in September, presents a feed of the actions your Facebook friends have taken on the site, such as "liking" a friend's status update, commenting on a photo or accepting a friend request. Users' activity on third-party apps, like music-streaming service Spotify, also feeds into the ticker, which for many has become a distracting jumble of all the songs their friends have listened to, all the articles they've read and all the minute actions they've taken on the site. 
A Facebook spokeswoman confirmed that Facebook has launched two types of advertisements -- "Page Like" and "App Used/Game Played" Sponsored Stories -- that will be showcased in the ticker. For example, a Sponsored Story in the ticker might highlight that a friend has "liked" Heineken's Facebook page. (See screenshot below)

You know that every new feature Facebook ads they eventually are going to turn into a way to insert more advertising. I mean talk about information I could give a fuck less about. I already hate the stupid ticker thing, now putting this type of shit in there is just going to make me ignore it completely like about 90% of the screen on Facebook.

Fuck you Zuckerberg you greedy cocksucking piece of shit. Put an ad on that, bitch.

I mean why the fuck do I care about someone getting to level 13 in some stupid game? All it tells me is that they are one of those morons who lvoes Facebook so much they even play Facebook games. Idiot alert.

I can already see Facebook in a year or two. If you aren't paying for an account then literally 80% of the screen will be an ad for something one of your friends liked or some bullshit. Awful. If I didn't use it to lure suckers here then I'd be so out of Facebook.

Who Fucks in Starbucks?

From Dailymail:
Starbucks employees are in open revolt after being forced to clean unimaginable messes in bathrooms that have become New York's de-facto public toilets.

'I have personally cleaned up almost every humanly fluid and plenty that didn’t seem human,' an angry employee wrote on the StarbucksGossip blog. 

As a result, managers at some New York Starbucks stores locked bathrooms and put up 'Employees Only' signs so the public could no longer used them.

'I am continually amazed by what people will do when given a few square feet of privacy,' an anonymous barista said on the StarbuckGossip blog. 

'Why do you want to have sex in a bathroom? I think the toilet would be kind of a mood killer.'

Current and former Starbucks employees reported homeless people who use the bathrooms as their own personal showers. 
New York has only 20 paid, public toilets. By contrast, Starbucks has 109 stores in Manhtattan alone.

Perfect sex bathrooms

I'm not some hip New Yorker, but even I see the utility in fucking in a bathroom. I mean there are paid public bathrooms in New York? That is retarded. I'm trying to wine and dine my lady with an 8$ latte and then bang her brains out in the middle stall between two hobos showering and chugging wine in the toilets next to us. I live on the edge like that. And fuck the baristas if they don't like it. I've fished reading glasses out of a shitter before, you guys can Lysol wipe some semen off the ceiling. I'm sure they've wiped worse shit off their lower backs.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Three Americans Arrested in Cairo

From the Daily Beast:
Three American students were arrested in Cairo's Tahrir Square as protests continued into the fourth day. The students, who attend the American University in Cairo, were accused of throwing Molotov cocktails. 

They were paraded on Egyptian state television as proof that the protests have been led by foreign interference. The U.S. embassy is currently investigating their arrest, and the sister of one of the students said Tuesday that her brother is being held in a courthouse, not a jail. Nicole Sweeney told the Guardian that she knew very little about what has happened with her 19-year-old brother Derrik, but said her family has been in touch with the State Department.

American Students Arrested in Egypt
Definition of "scared as shit"
I smell a setup here. First of all, in the middle of a protest, how the fuck can someone claim they saw who threw a molotov cocktail? They obviously just grabbed the white kids. I mean look at those kids in that picture. Scared out of their fucking brains. Not, molotov-tossing hard-ass revolters. They are Occupy Nowhere pussies.

This is the usual bullshit that happens anywhere there are riots and shit. Pull out the American-looking kids and say that the protest is being led by the evil America. Yeah fuckin' right. These kids are the "foreign influence"? Do these guys think anyone on the fucking earth buys that shit? I hope the SEALs go in and shoot these kids in the head for going to school in Egypt.

J Lo Fake Fiat Ad

So apparently a new Fiat ad with Jennifer Lopez in it claiming that she is going back to her home Bronx NY in the commercial is full of shit.

They shot all these shots of the Bronx with a J Lo look-alike and then super-imposed the shots with shots of the real booty driving in L.A.

From the Smoking Gun:
NOVEMBER 22--As part of a new multimillion-dollar endorsement deal with Fiat, Jennifer Lopez has shot several TV commercials for the Italian automaker, placed the Fiat 500 in her latest music video, and even put the vehicle center stage during her performance Sunday night at the American Music Awards.

But while the brand building and cross-promotion campaign is both lucrative and far-reaching, the star does have her collaborative limits. Specifically, the 42-year-old actress will not visit the Bronx in service of shilling the subcompact car.

Instead, the role of “Jenny from the Block” was played by a body double, according to two sources familiar with the commercial production. While the Lopez lookalike was actually behind the wheel in the Bronx, Lopez herself was in Los Angeles, where she was filmed inside a Fiat 500.

The shots of the actress were artfully merged to make it appear that she was tooling around New York City’s poorest borough. Big Block, a Los Angeles digital production studio, was hired to merge live action footage with computer-generated imagery to make it appear as if Lopez was in the Bronx.

Look, advertisements are fake, we get it. But this is just rubbing shit in our faces. I mean all that stupid bullshit about how the Bronx makes her strong and shit but she won't even go there? I mean christ J Lo, you need Ja Rule to give you a refresher on when you used to be a hood-rat.

Hot yes, sellout yes

Remember that shit J Lo? Well now that everyone knows you went hollywood for good, I definitely wouldn't go back to NYC if I was her. Her face is still lookin' too good to get curb-stomped in her hometown. Way to represent you sellout hooker.

Jim Jones And Juelz Ladies' Are Crazy

So apparently Jim Jones and Juelz Santana are still cool even though their women went the fuck at it on reality tv recently. I don't know, but check the brawl.

From TMZ:
Rapper Jim Jones tells TMZ ... he's managed to smooth things over with rapper Juelz Santana -- after their respective lady friends beat the holy crap out of each other on a reality show recently ... insisting, "I wish it had never happened."

Jones was passing out 5,000 turkeys to families in need at Ricardo's Restaurant in Harlem yesterday -- when we asked about the smackdown of the century on VH1's "Love and Hip-Hop."

In case you missed it -- Jones' fiancee Chrissy Lampkin tried to HEADSTOMP Santana's baby mama Kimbella Vanderhee in one of the craziest fights in the history of reality television (watch below). 

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Guess we know who runs their house

I raise the question, who has a badder bitch than Jim Jones? Did you see his chick try to bust that other chick in the nose with her heel? That is like some MMA-type shit. Maybe I should start watching all these shows with ballplayers and rappers wives and baby-mamas. Seems like more action than I've ever seen on a Jersey Shore episode.

The New Weapon Against Terror

Georg W. Bush would be proud. Massive casualties guaranteed. Love it.

What the Fucking Fuck?

From Huffington Post:
They say a picture is worth a thousand words; this Tuesday a picture was worth $4.3 million, making it the most expensive photograph in the world. The photo is 'Rhein II' (1999) by Andreas Gursky.
Gursky is known for his large, disorienting landscapes. At once majestic and alienating, they don't require a lot of explanation. This photo is meant to be stared at.

4.3 mil, really?

Of his works, Gursky has explained: "Maybe to try to understand not just that we are living in a certain building or in a certain location, but to become aware that we are living on a planet that is going at enormous speed through the universe."
Least happy about the big sale? Cindy Sherman, who previously held the title for her well-known work 'Untitled #96' (1981), which in May broke the previous record at $3.9 million. However, before Sherman broke this record another Gursky photograph held the prized distinction, and has since 2006. We hope Sherman enjoyed her time on top, but Gursky looks like a tough act to beat. 

Ben over at BTM photography linked me to this bullshit. I mean really, this is the most expensive picture ever? At first I was like damn those lines are pretty level and shit. But I mean think of what else you could buy with 4.3 mil. Like a good work of art.

And what is with the quote about how this shit helps us see that we are on a world flying through space or some shit? It looks like a river or some shit to me bro. I hate when people do something artistic and just bullshit what they meant by it when it gets famous. I'm sure the dude was thinking about the universe and shit when he took this. Fucking bullshitter. I would tear shit up with 4 million beans, not throw it away on this piece of monkey shit.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Slackin' on a Monday

Yeah so I took Friday and today off basically. Wanna see something gross? Yeah you do.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Does Lebron Think He's Cool?

Saw this shit on barstool and honestly I can't believe this is on the internet. Why would Lebron want a video to get out where he misses shots and then dunks on a 4th grader? Oh wait, because that's his game. Can't hit jumpers, just dunk on that point guard guarding you. Wish we had a season so the Celtics could smoke the Heat again. Fucking pussies.

Pot Tunnels in San Diego

From Newser:
Who needs drug mules when you have drug moles? Federal agents seized a total of 17 tons of marijuana after discovering a tunnel linking warehouses in Tijuana and San Diego, the Los Angeles Times reports. The tunnel, believed to be the work of the Sinaloa cartel was the length of four football fields, and was equipped with lighting and ventilation systems. 

The tunnel's American entrance was in an industrial area where several major drug tunnels have been found over the last few years. "The drug cartels mistakenly believe they can elude detection by taking their contraband underground, but, again and again, we've been able to find these tunnels and shut them down," said the chief of the tunnel task force of Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Captain America loves pot

I'm not claustrophobic, but goddamn crawling in a tunnel with a duffel bag of pot on my bag doesn't seem that appealing. I mean I guess it's better than being a janitor but not by much. I'll be the guy who sits outside the tunnel and keep watch. You can crawl 500 yards across an international border with 40 pounds of pot.

Hows Your Face Bro?

Table 1, idiot, 0.

South Park: Season in Review

Alright well first off I am so fucking glad that Comedy Central locked down Trey and Matt until 2016. Last night I watched the season finale thinking it'd be the last episode ever, and I came pretty close to tears. Then I read this...

From BBC News:
US cable network Comedy Central had originally contracted the pair to write, direct and edit the show until 2013, but it will now run until 2016.

It will take the comedy - cable's longest-running animated series - to its 20th season.
In a statement, Stone and Parker said: "South Park is a blast and we can't wait to make more."
The news comes as the show ends its 15th series in the US.

There had been some doubt as to whether the pair would extend their contract after their success, earlier this year, with their hit Broadway musical The Book of Mormon.

"The collective genius of Matt and Trey knows no bounds," said Michele Ganeless, president of Comedy Central.
"Week after week and season after season they continue to surprise and delight South Park fans. We're thrilled that the adventures of Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman will continue through 2016."

The show - recently voted the greatest animated TV series by Entertainment Weekly - first aired in the US in August 1997.
It has been nominated for an Emmy almost every year since, in the animation category, and has won four times.

Boom. South Park until 2016. So now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about the 15th season in perspective.

The season started with the Human Centipad and ended last night with Kenny and Cartman's adventures in foster care. There were classic hits like the Crack Baby Athletic Association and not-so hits like Bass to Mouth. Overall a great season. I mean it could have been better but fucking these guys do the episodes as the season progresses, they all can't be Human Centipad.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Loser of the Week 11/14

From Dailymail
If Santa knows whether you've been bad or good, he knows 17-year-old Renaldo Jack is part of the former group.
The Atlanta-area teen was charged with burglary after trying to break into a Norcross home through the chimney. 
He got stuck, and was trapped for nearly half a day.

The teen’s cries for help were finally heard, and he was rescued by firefighters around 1:30 p.m. Tuesday.
Gwinnett County police said Jack had been stuck in the chimney since 3 a.m. Tuesday.
Jack was also charged with providing false information to a police officer after he gave a fake name to a policeman who recognised him from a prior arrest.

Well done bro
Easy loser of the week. You see the cops in that video yanking this idiot out by his legs? Jesus bro I mean robbing people is dumb to begin with but if you have to go out through a door anyway, why try the chimney as an entrance? I mean for fucks sake dude unless you are fresh out of Aushwitz you aren't fitting down a chimney. It just ain't happenin'.

Sitch vs. Abercrombie

So apparently the Situation and Abercrombie have been going at it since Abercrombie offered the Sitch a boatlod of money to not wear their shit, interesting. So of course the cocky asshole doesn't just take the money and shut up. He gets pissed and goes for MORE money.

From TMZ:
The Situation just turned up the heat in his ongoing feud with Abercrombie & Fitch -- filing a lawsuit against the clothing company ... 3 months after it publicly offered him money NOT to wear its clothes.

You'll recall -- A&F made a public ploy to distance themselves from the Situation back in August, offering him a cash bonus if he agreed never to wear Aber ever again.

Sitch just filed a lawsuit in Florida, claiming Abercrombie has infringed on the GTL and the Situation trademarks, through its bogus advertising ploy and by selling T-shirts with the words "The Fitchuation" and "GTL...You Know The Deal" emblazoned on them.

Sitch wants at least $4,000,000 in damages. Calls to A&F were not returned.

I never understand how these dollar amounts get figured out. Like how the fuck does the Situation figure he deserves four mil for this bullshit? I mean come on man. The "Situuation" trademark? Go fuck yourself.

Someones lookin' extra douchey today

But I can't blame him for trying to get his paper up as fast as possible because you know in about five years he'll be dead broke with no abs or steroids when he jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge or something. Sad.

Humpday Hotty: Alana Blanchard

Alana Blanchard is a hot surfer chick. Need I say more?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Occupy Crackdown

From NY Daily News:
Hours after baton-wielding cops cleared Occupy Wall Street protesters and their tents from Zuccotti Park, a legal showdown was looming Tuesday.

A judge hand-picked by protest lawyers signed an early-morning emergency order saying the demonstrators can return — with all their stuff.

But the city refused to reopen the park until a Tuesday afternoon hearing on the order signed by Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Lucy Billings, a former civil liberties lawyer.

Some Occupy Wall Street protesters had already moved to another public space, owned by Trinity Church, at Canal St. and Sixth Ave., where they used bolt cutters to open a fenced-in area.

Police swooped in and made numerous arrests. Daily News reporter Matthew Lysiak was among several reporters covering the confrontation who were arrested.

Other demonstrators were massed around Zuccotti, where the overnight raid netted the arrest of 200 people, including Manhattan Councilman Ydanis Rodriguez.

The park was eerily clean and empty. The only people inside were employees of property owner Brookfield Properties, which
asked for the city crackdown in a Monday letter to Mayor Bloomberg.

About 50 people had been allowed back in at 8:10 a.m. — before the NYPD closed the park again until the fast-developing legal issues could be sorted out.

A handful jumped the fence to get into the park around 11:30 a.m. and several were arrested.

Jesus man this shit is a mess. I mean the back and forth is ridiculous. Either the people have the right to assemble in the park or they are a public nuisance. I mean it can't be both. Fucking Bloomberg, I'm glad judges are going against his eviction of the protestors. I mean you can't just let them be there for months and all of a sudden they are breaking the law or something. I call bullshit on that.

Compton Schools Rock

So what can you think of that would have been better at your elementary school than having super-whore Sasha Grey come read to you? Nothing.

From TMZ:

Mouth is open in load-receiving pose

The school district that first denied to TMZ they allowed a hardcore porn star to read to first graders has now changed its tune, acknowledging she did indeed make an appearance, but they thought she was a mainstream actress -- not the winner of AVN's 2010 award for "Best Anal Sex Scene."

After the the Compton Unified School District told us Sasha Grey never read to students, we posted this pic which clearly shows otherwise. 

Now District officials tell TMZ ... an outside talent coordinator informed the school Grey's calling card was an appearance on "Entourage." 

The District says they will now shore up their procedures to make sure "controversial figures" are persona non grata.

The funniest thing about this story is it really isn't a big deal. I mean at this age these kids are probably still watching vanilla late-night Cinemax porn not hardcore anal gangbangs. I do think it is hilarious that whoever Sasha's manager is just told the school about her appearance on Entourage like that is her only claim to fame. Fucking priceless. I bet the dads wish they stopped by the school that day.

Monday, November 14, 2011

And Boom Goes the NBA

From Newser:
(AP) – NBA players rejected the league's latest offer today and began disbanding the union, likely jeopardizing the season. "We're prepared to file this antitrust action against the NBA," union executive director Billy Hunter said. "That's the best situation where players can get their due process." He said players were not prepared to accept the NBA Commissioner David Stern's ultimatum, saying they thought it was "extremely unfair."

Stern had urged players to take the deal on the table, saying it's the best the NBA can offer and warned that decertification is not a winning strategy. "This is the best decision for the players," union president Derek Fisher said. "I want to reiterate that point, that a lot of individual players have a lot of things personally at stake in terms of their careers and where they stand." 

Hunter said the union was in the process of converting to a trade association and that all players will be represented in a class-action suit against the NBA. The proposal rejected by the players called for a 50-50 division of basketball-related income and proposed a 72-game season beginning Dec. 15.

Way to fuck it up Stern

Well, here we go. NBA season gone because the owners think they are hot shit or something. Well, guess what guys, this move isn't going to somehow help the pitiful owner of the Timberwolves who is hemorrhaging money like the federal government. It is going to set basketball back twenty years and take all the casual hoops fans to other sports. Idiots.

Man Issues: Jerking Smart

Alright so it has been fucking forever since I've done a new Man Issue. This one involves making your dick tough it out so you can fuck longer.

My theory is this:

Whacking off without any lube makes you last longer in the sack.

I was talking about whacking it with some of my boys and we came to this epiphany.

Think about it, if you get all lubed up to beat off and treat your dick like some pampered princess as soon as it even sniffs a vagina it'll nut everywhere. Now, if you're like me and go without the lube and just smack your junk around raw style, then when the real war comes, you'll be ready to go all night long. Try a field test, I want this theory disproved or proven. I want my name in some jerking off textbook someday. Print that shit. If you want to fuck longer, stop using lube you pussy.

Make sure you tell your girlfriends who taught you how to last longer than 2.76 seconds inside them. You are welcome ladies.

Crazy Bitch in Training

From the Smoking Gun:
NOVEMBER 11--A 10-year-old Florida girl is facing a felony charge for allegedly attacking her elementary school teacher and threatening the educator’s life. The assault, police report, was triggered when the teacher seized a bag of Halloween candy that the girl brought to class.

Fifth-grader Miesha Bryant was arrested last Tuesday after an Orange County Sheriff’s Office deputy was summoned to the girl’s classroom at Zellwood Elementary School. The child is pictured in the below mug shot.

According to a sheriff’s report, teacher Kelly Sanchez told investigators that she was holding the candy until the end of the day. At one point, Sanchez said, the girl “went behind her desk and took the bag of candy without her permission.” The child then began throwing pieces of candy at classmates, added Sanchez.

After Sanchez again confiscated the bag of candy, the girl “started throwing items” from the teacher’s desk. While Sanchez waited for a school resource officer to arrive, a deputy reported, Miesha struck the teacher in the stomach and side and “also stated that she would kill Ms. Sanchez and her family.”

 And you thought you were a cracked-out idiot when you were young. I mean what the fuck, let the girl have her goddamn candy you dumb whore. Clearly she's willing to beat the shit out of you for it, just let her keep it.

This is why I could never be a teacher, because I have certain lines that if a student crossed it they would be getting worn the fuck out. I mean even this little 10-year-old, if she starts hitting me I would wrench her jaw open and stuff candy into her mouth until she stopped kicking me and shut the fuck up.

And can we talk about how fucking hood her mugshot is? She looks like she just held a gun to someone's head and pulled the trigger until it clicked, then sat down to munch a Snickers. Just cold-blooded.

It's Bad

Watch this dude crush a hot-ass pepper and then fall the fuck apart. Great way to start your Monday morning.

BOOM! Did you see that plot twist? Chilling guy on the left ate a bigger piece of the pepper? Makes you look like a bitch doesn't it blonde douche?

Solid Parenting

From NY Daily News:
A Massachusetts mom claims she was duped by a sick perv posing as a fashion photographer when she forced her 10-year-old daughter to pose nude over an Internet live chat.

Ann Lussier, 41, of Attleboro was hoping to win a $20,000 mommy-daughter modeling contract when she forced her pre-teen daughter to pose in a bikini - and then completely disrobe - for a man watching on Skype, her lawyers say.

"The parent had to show the man what both she and the Victim looked like with no clothes on, reportedly so he could see the shape of their bodies," court documents said.

The gullible mom apparently didn't think it was fishy when the phony shutterbug, who claimed to be in Florida, said they wouldn't be able to see him because his computer's camera was broken, the Attleboro Sun Chronicle reported.

Lussier's twin sister reported the incident to police after the wannabe-model mom complained to her about how "uncooperative" the daughter had been, ABC news reported. The aunt also heard the little girl bawling.

Lussier was arrested and charged with child endangerment on Tuesday.

The fuck is wrong with this woman? First of all, was she drunk when she thought this whole thing out? Yeah, a real fashion photographer would just straight up ask to see a 10-year-old naked, and on Skype. Oh but his webcam is broken so just make your daughter strip and shut the fuck up.

This is one of those situations where I think the mother should be arrested, not the creepy child molester. I mean yeah he's a pervert, but the mom makes it too easy. Some pedophiles have to earn their underage nudity, but this guy had an all-day sucker on his hands, so I don't blame him.

Friday, November 11, 2011

First Occupy Deaths

So last night two people were killed in seperate instances, in Occupy Oakland and Occupy Burlington.

From Newser:
Two men were killed last night on separate coasts after shots were fired in or close to the Occupy Oakland and Occupy Burlington encampments. 

Protesters clashed with police as cops tried to close part of the Vermont camp, and local politicians were calling for the California protest site to also be shut down. Six shots were fired in a gunfight at an Oakland BART station near the camp in the early evening. 

An Occupy Oakland spokesman said the dead man did not appear to be part of the protest movement, but may have hidden out in the camp before he was shot dead. "I have been very vocal on the fact that this cannot continue," City Councilman Ignacio De La Fuente told ABC7 News. "I think fear has become a reality. They should pack up and leave—if not, we should take whatever action is necessary." 

Across the nation, Burlington cops met with resistance as they tried to shut part of the camp after a 35-year-old war veteran apparently shot himself in a tent, protesters told the Burlington Free Press. Officials said they needed to take over the camp for 24 hours to investigate. "This is a crime scene. We are trying to get answers for the loved ones," said a police spokesman.

To me this indicates the strength that the Occupy movement has gained. When people start dying, that is a commitment to a cause that a lot of people do not have, a level of conviction that is all but dead in this day and age.

Veterans comitting suicide in the tent camps is just one indicator of yet another issue the protestors are trying to bring up, the mistreatment of veterans and lack of psychological help for them when they return home. It's too bad it takes this much to happen for us to see what war does to our citizens, friends, and family.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What Did you Do Yesterday?

This guy broke the big wave world record by riding a 90-footer.

Get your life right slackers.

Nice Try JoePa

So yesterday JoePa said he was going to retire after this season. Penn State said oh no sir, you are fucking fired. Right now. I say good for them.

From ESPN:

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. -- Penn State trustees fired football coach Joe Paterno and university president Graham Spanier amid the growing furor over how the school handled sex abuse allegations against a former assistant coach.

The massive shakeup Wednesday night came hours after Paterno announced that he planned to retire at the end of his 46th season, but the outcry following the arrest of former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky on molestation charges proved too much for the board to ignore.

"The university is much larger than its athletic teams," board vice chair John Surma said during a news conference. "The Penn State board of trustees tonight decided it is in the best interest of the university to have a change in leadership to deal with the difficult issues that we are facing."
Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley will be interim coach and provost Rodney Erickson interim school president.

Peace you sick old fuck

Thank god they didn't let him go out in his terms. I mean you have to take control of your athletic program in this case. Get rid of the good ole' kid rapin' boys and bring in people with souls. It might seem harsh but to me that is what it comes down to. Find out your assistant coach is with a boy in the shower? Probably should pass that info along bro. Fucking pathetic and disgusting. At least the trustees are trying to take control back.