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Thursday, December 29, 2011

The invasion has begun...

Forget about zombies or Terminators. 2012 will be the year the octopi come onto land and destroy humanity as we know it.

Or they'll just flop around like a deflated tire. One of the two.

Katy Perry Almost on the Market Bros

From TMZ:
Rumors that Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced have just been fueled by new photos ... of Russell in London NOT wearing his wedding ring.

Russell was in the West End today, far away from Katy, who has been vacationing in Hawaii.

They spent XMAS 7,000 AAdvantage miles apart. The couple married a year ago October.

Can you say motorboat?

Come one come all, my guess is in about two weeks Katy Perry will be the hottest piece of ass on the market. So dust off your star-fucking shoes and hop in line because I'm sure she will be rebounding after Russell and her break like a motherfucker.

Falling and Winning

From the New York Post:
A middle-aged man who fell onto the southbound 1 train tracks at Lincoln Center was struck by the subway – and is still alive.

The unidentified man was taken to Cornell hospital.
An eyewitness in the second car of the train said the man was lying across more than one seat, and got into an argument with another man on board.

When the train stopped at 66th Street, the man who was lying down exited the subway, and the doors closed, the eyewitness said.
But he was still fuming from the argument, and he decided to slam on the train’s window at the last second, the eyewitness said.

As he did that the train began moving, and he somehow fell between the train and the platform, causing the injuries, the eyewitness said.

FDNY officials said he fell. Sources said he does not appear to be a victim of a crime.

Damn homie, not many people get cracked by subway trains and live. That is just pure badass. Oh and for the record, he definitely got pushed. And lived. Winning arguments and fights versus trains. That equals bi-winning. Warlock in training, no pun intended.

Greedy Whores

From the Smoking Gun:
DECEMBER 27--A Pennsylvania man is facing a criminal rap after he called 911 to report that a pair of prostitutes had left his home without fully “servicing” him, cops report.

Police allege that Jerry Streng, 63, paid the women $400 and brought the hookers back to his Berlin home. As Streng told a cop, he hired the pair “for the purpose of ‘Smoking Smoke’ and engaging in sexual intercourse,” according to misdemeanor criminal complaints.

After Streng called police to report a robbery, an officer was dispatched last week to his home, where he explained that the “agreement was that he was supposed to be in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other.”

Instead, Streng contended, the prostitutes got undressed, “started smoking his 'Smoke,'” and “did not invite him in the bed.” He responded by disrobing and getting in his bed. “But the two women put him on the end, and not in the middle like they agreed to.”

Fucking whores these days. when I pay them cash dollars to be in the fucking middle, I mean the motherfucking middle. Not jerking it while I pay them to scissor. They are lucky this dude only called the cops, I would have been slappin' bitches. I mean you pay to be the meat in a hooker sandwich, you can't be a fucking slice of the bread, especially not for $400. That's some bullshit.

Calling Em as He Sees Em

So a NASCAR driver is getting roasted because he tweeted how gross it was to see a chick breast-feeding at a grocery store.

From Newser:
NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne was so disgusted when he spotted a mom nursing her baby at a local grocery store that he immediately tweeted his utter revulsion. “One boob put away, one boob hanging!!! Nasty,” tweeted the overwhelmed car jockey. "I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating." When a female follower complained about his reaction, he called her a "dumb B," reports Mediaite

 Calls em as he sees em

Since the dude has been getting slammed for the comments of course he apologized. But every man knows he tells the truth. Breast-feeding in public is not cool ladies. I've worked in restaurants where chicks just whip their tit out and let the little guy start suckling away. It's so fucking un-appetizing for everyone around you that my only conclusion is you've never heard of a breast pump or you are one of those "holier than thou because I have a baby" bitches.

The bros got your back Kasey. No titty-suckling near my food.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Priest Fight!

So apparently recently at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem two groups of clerics, Armenian and Orthodox clerics used their brooms to get it on.

And then the fuzz rolls in an the fighting dudes realize they are fucking priests and this shit is about to go on Youtube. Religion is fun!

Homeland Security and Social Media

From Dailymail:
The Department of Homeland Security makes fake Twitter and Facebook profiles for the specific purpose of scanning the networks for 'sensitive' words - and tracking people who use them. 

Simply using a word or phrase from the DHS's 'watch' list could mean that spies from the government read your posts, investigate your account, and attempt to identify you from it, acccording to an online privacy group.

The words which attract attention range from ones seemingly related to diseases or bioweapons such as 'human to animal' and 'outbreak' to other, more obscure words such as 'drill' and 'strain'.
The DHS also watches for words such as 'illegal immigrant'. 

The DHS outlined plans to scans blogs, Twitter and Facebook for words such as 'illegal immigrant', 'outbreak', 'drill', 'strain', 'virus', 'recovery', 'deaths', 'collapse', 'human to animal' and 'trojan', according to an 'impact asssessment' document filed by the agency.

When its search tools net an account using the phrases, they record personal information.
It's still not clear how this information is used - and who the DHS shares it with.

This is one of those things that we all assume happens, but hearing that it is actually being uncovered is kind of scary. It kind of tempts me to litter my blog and twitter with all these words and see if Homeland Security rolls up here and talks to me. It'd be funny as shit because they would see my poor ass in slippers eating a pizza being a poor blogger and they would get furious and I'd laugh and tell them it serves them right.

The problem with them monitoring keywords is the words can be used any number of ways out of context. What if I tweet about illegal immigrants in the UK? Does that tickle their fancy or no? And why "drill"? If I tweet about how sweet it would be if Obama "drills" the GOP in the next election does that count? Or if someone comments that they would love to "drill" my Humpday Hotty? Is that a threat to America's security? Where is the line?

And furthermore our fucking tax dollars are paying douchebags at the Pentagon to monitor us tweeting. What the fuck is this world coming to?

And the real point of this is how fucking dumb does our government think terrorists are? Like they are going to prevent the next 9/11 by finding "@AlQaeda: Getting Rdy 2 Drill America, Viva Illegal Immigrants!" Like what the fuck? I mean these guys are smart and sophisticated, and we aren't going to stop them by sitting on motherfucking twitter.

Hows Your Life Bro?

That's why I love MMA, keep your fucking hands up guy.

And can I just use this post to comment on how fucking ridiculous ads before videos have gotten?

When I first watched this video there was a 30 second commercial for something retarded. I mean don't they understand I can switch tabs when a commercial pops up? And then the ad is up so I  can watch a knockout 3 seconds into the video. Really, a 30 second ad for a 3 second video? I mean I know the video is actually longer but what the fuck? Shit is fucking moronic.

Steven Tyler, Still Pimpin'

From NY Daily News:
Age is just a number, because even at 63, Steven Tyler is ready to take on marriage No. 3.
The rocker and "American Idol" judge proposed to longtime girlfriend Erin Brady, 38, over the holiday weekend — and his family's not too happy about it.

Several family members have said that Brady is "just not nice" and has "been mean to the family," sources close to the clan told TMZ.

In addition, the Aerosmith front man hadn't told anybody about his plans to pop the question until after the fact, a decision that has caused an even bigger rift between Brady and the expansive Tyler family.

Tyler and Brady, a model, have been dating since 2006, just shortly after he split with his second wife, clothing designer Teresa Barrick.

Steven, I'm here for you. If you want to marry a model half your age and your family doesn't like her, fuck them. I mean they are all living off your dough besides Liz anyway.

Anyone looks hot next to this guy

Here's a strange thing though, when I google search the supposed "model" Erin Brady, not a single picture without Tyler on her arm comes up. Model my ass, if google doesn't know you, you don't exist.

Anyway big ups to Steven Tyler, at that age and looking like a stray dog, getting a third wife like that is sweet. Pimpin' ain't easy baby.

I Love Bill Maher

From Newser:
Staunch atheist Bill Maher is apparently not a huge fan of staunch Christian Tim Tebow, so when Tebow’s Broncos lost to the Buffalo Bills 40-14 on Saturday, Maher wasted no time getting on Twitter. “Wow, Jesus just fucked #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere in hell Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler ‘Hey, Buffalo's killing them,’” Maher tweeted

Of course, that quickly led to a Fox Business host calling Maher “disgusting vile trash,” and others urging followers to boycott HBO, where Maher’s Real Time airs, the Los Angeles Times reports. 

The International Business Times notes that Maher had also tweeted about Tebow before Denver's Dec. 18 game, which the Broncos lost 41-23 to the New England Patriots. “If Tebow beats Tom Brady tomorrow, I will tweet ‘Jesus is king,’” Maher posted, adding, “No pressure, Tom.”

If you have never heard of Bill Maher or seen his show or any of his standup, you are missing out. Dude is a funny old pothead who tells it like it motherfuckin' is. And Fox hates him because he is so right and rips on conservatives all day. And his movie Religulous is about how religion runs our lives in a seriously unhealthy way.

Here's my question to Fox News and their viewers. How come you guys can't take a joke? I mean fucking seriously. Fox makes me think being a conservative means you laugh at nothing except abortion clinic bombings. I mean if Tim Tebow is going to put his religious faith out there, the god jokes are going to pour in from everywhere. The hilarity that Tim Tebow thinks that some supreme force helps him win football games is laughable.

Fuck Tebow

Even if you are religious, do you really think that god gives a fuck about sports? God probably hates every athlete because they are greedy and paid million to play childrens game. Tim Tebow, god hates you. God is probably insulted that you fill up his prayer box with your bullshit when people in third world countries are praying for motherfucking drinking water that doesn't give them dysentery. I mean fuck man, what kind of douchebag do you think god is?

Humpday Hotty: Gabrielle Union

I know you saw Bad Boys II. Gabrielle Union is fucking hot. Don't believe me?

Boom shakalaka.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Line Between Suicidal and Fucking Badass

Where is it?

Last Loser(s) of the Week of 2011

Alright this shit is retarded. I'm pulling no punches with this one. Just read this fucking shit.

From NY Daily News:
Rumors that rap superstars Drake and Lil Wayne were visiting Minnesota's Mall of America may have sparked Monday’s massive brawl at the giant retail center, a local TV station said.

Nine people were arrested as dozens of shoppers fought on one of the busiest shopping days of the year, according to local media reports.

I bet Lil Wayne and Drake saw this shit and were like this is fucking why we weren't at the Mall of America idiots.

Is this really what America has come to? People being so belligerent thinking that a rapper is coming to the place they are that they end up getting arrested? I mean with all the shit that went down over the new Jordans, at least at the end of that you get a pair of shoes. What would these people do if Lil Wayne really as there? Shake his hand? This is why he is rich and you are going to the Dollar Tree for Christmas gifts. Because just hearing his name makes people act like fucking idiots.

I think everyone who freaked out in the mall that day should be rounded up and shot. We would be better off.

I mean I bet if people heard Obama was coming it wouldn't have been like this. This story describes perfectly what the fuck is wrong with our country.

I Smell Bullshit

Alright look at this article I peeped at the Times.

From NY Times:
It’s a great time to buy a television, and Ram Lall, a television salesman, isn’t happy about it. In a basement showroom of J&R, the huge electronics store in Lower Manhattan, Mr. Lall says the days of making big money from televisions are in the past. Pointing to a top-of-the line, 55-inch Sony television, Mr. Lall said it would have sold for $6,000 a few years ago. The current price? $2,599. 

I refuse to even read the rest of this article because this idiot used this as a lead. I mean come the fuck on. I'm supposed to feel bad for TV suppliers and salespeople because ten years ago you had to mortgage your house for a fucking big screen? Fuck you guys. I don't give a fuck how big it is, a TV should never cost more than three grand.

Maybe there is an oversupply of TV's is because everyone has fucking four of those bitches in their house. At least one big-ass flat screen. Why the fuck would anyone want another one? Those shits last like 5 years.

Oh boo hoo, if these companies really aren't making any fucking money off TV's then they would stop making them. You don't think Sony has other shit to make profit off of? If it was really true that televisions weren't profitable, then Sony wouldn't make them. Don't try to bullshit me saying a huge corporation is selling something they don't make money off. Simple economics. And a story in the times trying to make me feel bad because TV companies can't gouge us on big screens isn't helping. Fuck Sony, fuck Ram Lall, fuck 'em all.

Jerome Simpson

Alright I know this is a little late and all of you have seen it already but fuck you you can see it again.

Sticks the fucking landing?! What the fuck man that shit was nasty. He doesn't even tuck, dude just leaps and flips into the endzone. Winning.

Age Discrimination Vending Machine

From Dailymail:
A vending machine that gives out free puddings to adults, but none to children sounds like something dreamed up by Roald Dahl.

But the iSample machine, a collaboration between Kraft and Intel, is designed to do exactly that - and is currently under trial in Chicago and New York.

The machine uses a biometric scanner to 'read' the age and gender of people standing in front of it, and will serve adults, but refuse children.

The two machines are on trial in Chicago's Shedd Aquarium and New York's South Street Seaport.
The iSample is desgned to offer free samples of Kraft's new Temptations jelly - a dessert marketed at adults.
No snacks for youngin's

Alright so I don't even fucking understand what the fuck this is about. I thought that this machine was keeping kids from buying like flavored sex lube or some shit. You are really using baller-ass technology to keep kids from getting your product just because it is marketed for adults? Jesus christ.

I mean honestly yesterday I went to Moe's for a Homewrecker and I saw their new Coke vending machines. Shit is called a freestyle or something.

I mean, all I have to say is motherfucking Cherry Vanilla Coke. Both in the same fucking cup. There are flavors on flavors. I think that shit is way cooler than some Watson-like machine that keeps kids from getting creepy jello cup things. I mean when is the last time you saw a company make a sweet new vending machine and use it as a vehicle to launch like 100 different flavors? Genius.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Tyler The Creator

From TMZ:
Rapper Tyler the Creator was arrested in Hollywood a few hours ago after he allegedly trashed some sound equipment inside the world famous Roxy on Sunset Blvd ... TMZ has learned.  

The 20-year-old MTV award winner had performed at the venue earlier in the evening. The video below shows Tyler appearing to go off on the sound engineer inside the club. 

 The video shows Tyler beefing with a sound engineer, apparently people are saying that this may have caused the vandalism charge or some shit. Who knows.

Fuck Political Parties

From USA Today:
A USA TODAY analysis of state voter registration statistics shows registered Democrats declined in 25 of the 28 states that register voters by party. Republicans dipped in 21 states, while independents increased in 18 states.

The trend is acute in states that are key to next year's presidential race. In the eight swing states that register voters by party, Democrats' registration is down by 800,000 and Republicans' by 350,000. Independents have gained 325,000.

I'm not saying being an Independent is awesome or anything. But I am saying fuck political parties. I vote how the fuck I want. And apparently other people are getting the message too. We need more than two choices as far as mainstream political parties. Especially since when rubber hits the road both of the parties overspend our money and allow for economic conditions that send jobs overseas and shit. 
Most politicians suck. So why register for one party and limit yourself to one group of assholes instead of having free choice for whatever asshole you want? That's what being an Independent is all about. You pick the asshole who is going to lie to you and screw you over instead of just picking the party whose idiot will fuck you.

Cat Eat Cat World

Just when you think cats aren't sneaky little fucks you videotape one sandbaggin' his bro like this.

Bros don't let bros stand at the top of ladders.

Boss Bank Robber

From Dailymail:
Authorities say a Tampa Bay area man ordered a beer at a bar, left to rob a nearby bank then came back to finish the beer.
The Pasco County Sheriff's Office says 52-year-old John Robin Whittle was arrested at the Hayloft Bar in Port Richey on Thursday afternoon. 

Deputies say he's the man who robbed a Wells Fargo & Co. bank branch earlier and walked off with an undisclosed sum of money.

But first he stopped off at the Hayloft for a brew.
A bartender there says Whittle ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes and then returned to his beer. 

Deputies say they arrested him at the bar about 10 minutes after he left the bank.
Whittle remained in jail early Friday on $10,000 bond. No attorney was listed for him.

Damn homie, this dude is either an idiot when it comes to alibis, or a man who appreciates a good beer. I mean come on dude, if you're trying to use the bar as an alibi, ordering a brew and then robbing the bank ain't gonna work buddy.

That being said, I applaud this bros loyalty to his brew. It might only be noon on Friday, but in honor of John Whittle, it's brew time.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Workaholics Star: Real Life Idiot

From TMZ:
Blake Anderson -- the frizzy-haired guy on "Workaholics" -- fractured his spine Saturday night ... jumping off his roof onto a beer pong table ... and the incredibly stupid stunt was all caught on tape.

Sources close to the actor tell us, he's currently undergoing surgery to treat the fracture -- and fix whatever else he messed up. Needless to say, he'll be out of commission for a few months.

Blake was throwing a party at his L.A. house when the accident went down -- attended by Tyler the Creator and members of his rap crew. We're told cops shut the entire thing down not long after the roof-jumping. 

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player 

I love people who when they get famous, they stay themselves. Clearly Blake is one of these dudes. TV show? What TV show? I'm jumping off my motherfuckin' roof anyway. Eat it.

It's all fun and games until you sever your spine in front of Tyler the Creator.

Kris Humphries: Haters Gunna Hate

Alright after I heard that the New Jersey NEts resigned former Mr. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries I almost shit myself. Then when I heard that it was for 8 million for next year I did shit. Then when I heard he beat out Lebron in a survey as the most disliked NBA player, I knew something was up.

from the LA Times:
Kris Humphries has no problem with staying power in one of his relationships — that with his NBA team, the New Jersey Nets.

Now that the labor lockout has been resolved, the basketball team has asked Humphries back for another year.

Terms of the deal say Kris will once again sport his jersey to the tune of $8 million, according to Yahoo Sports, and should be with the team for Wednesday's exhibition game against the New York Knicks. Kim Kardashian's husband of 72 days passed his team physical on Tuesday.

The report notes that Humphries had the year of his career in 2010, becoming "one of the best per-minute rebounders in the league."

Laughing all the way to the bank

From Entertainment Weekly:
This wasn’t an isolated incident. According to a new Forbes.com fan poll, Humphries has surpassed LeBron James as the most-disliked player in the league, a somewhat surprising showing for a non-superstar like Humphries. Last year, the 6’9″ forward averaged 10.0 points and 10.5 rebounds per game for the Nets. (Last night, he only played six minutes.) Solid, but not exactly numbers that would draw attention or notoriety to his play. 

Clearly, the vitriol is directly linked to his involvement with soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian. But what is he most guilty of in the eyes of fans: Marrying Kim? Failing to stay married? (As if.) Simply portraying himself in their reality circus? Perhaps the latter, since fellow Kardashian prop Lamar Odom came in 10th on the Forbes.com hate list?

So this poll is a bunch of sheyit. The ones that really matter are the most disliked players when they poll players. Every league does it. And I guarantee Humprhies is not the most hated by other NBA players. So that shit is stupid.

Now here is something this shit has me pissed off about. Averaging 10 points and 10 boards per game and making 8 million for next year? This is the shit that makes me hate the NBA owners.

You can't bitch about how you are losing money because of paying players huge salaries and be pissed enough to cause a lockout and THEN turn around and throw this kind of money at a scrub. Lets call it what it is. NBA fans hadn't even heard of Kris Humphries until he married Kim Kardashian. Dude is a total non-factor. So why the fuck are the NETS paying him? 

NBA owners aren't stuggling because of the huge superstar salaries like Lebron and Chris Paul and Kobe. They are struggling because at the lowest level, the bench players who suck, players are making a ridiculous amount of money.

I can't hate on Kris Humphries for his contract, if you can get 8 mil you fucking go get 8 mil. But he is now the poster child for whats wrong with the NBA. And here's some advice Kris, save some of that money, I have a feeling that once this divorce blows over and no one cares about you again, you'll need some funds.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hobbit Trailer Looks Pretty Sick

Alright so the Hobbit is still a year out, it's due to hit theaters December 14, 2012. But here is the first full trailer.

Personally the Hobbit was my favorite of the books so the movie better be fuckin' kickass.

Humpday Hotty: Nicole Scherzinger

Former lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls gone solo. Probably because she realized she is the only one who is both slammin' hot AND can sing okay. She's like a tall Kim Kardashian.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Android Just got Fucked

From NY Times:
A federal agency ruled on Monday that a set of important features commonly found in smartphones are protected by an Apple patent, a decision that could force changes in how Google’s Android phones function.

The ruling, by the United States International Trade Commission, is one of the most significant so far in a growing array of closely watched patent battles being waged around the globe by nearly all of the major players in the mobile industry. These fights reflect the heated competition among the companies, especially as Android phones gain market share. 

At the heart of the disputes are the kind of small but convenient features that would cause many people to complain if they were not in their smartphones. For example, the case decided Monday involves the technology that lets you tap your finger once on the touch screen to call a phone number that is written inside an e-mail or text message. It also involves the technology that allows you to schedule a calendar appointment, again with a single tap of the finger, for a date mentioned in an e-mail. 

Droid does...less

Well Android, seems like at least a few cool things you can do on your phone just got removed. I mean it might not seem like much, but it sounds like Iphone just forced Android to find their own method of one-touch calling and shit. Back to the drawing board bitches. Now HTC has to remake those features before they can work on new ones. Apple may be the devil, but damn they are bullies in the marketplace. You can't out-think them, that's for sure.

Loser of the Week: 12/19

So this Fed Ex guy was delivering a computer monitor to some rich dude when his lazy ass make a pretty big mistake.

That's right, there's a camera there Einstein.

From Dailymail:
If there was an award for worst delivery in the world, this guy might just win it.
'Here is a video of my monitor being "delivered",' a YouTube user wrote to describe surveillance footage taken outside a gated residence.

What followed was a hilariously sad clip of a FedEx delivery man chucking a computer monitor over a fence before returning to his van. 

A spokeswoman for the package delivery company says company executives were 'shocked' when they saw the video and are working to track down the star of the surveillance film.

Alright this is a funny-ass video, but I want to use it to talk to something new technology has given us. Accountability. If you do a job that is even remotely in public and someone sees you doing something sheisty these days, a video of it will end up on Youtube. It just will. Whether they get you with an Iphone video or a surveillance camera, you're fucked. I mean it is fucked up that this dude tossed a fucking computer screen over the fence, but I mean dude you have to know that's coming.

This dude is obviously rich as shit. Get with a keypad and shit, so you know he has cameras. I mean for fuck's sake don't be an idiot. And as fucked up as this is, it isn't how all delivery dudes are. I mean they have a real shitty job if you ask me, so give most of them some slack, but beat this one with a broken computer screen.

Monday, December 19, 2011

What the Fuck?

Saw this shit on Brobible and I had to post it.

This is from the Rams Bengals game this weekend. There is a holding penalty and you hear clearly hear Rams lineman Harvey Dahl bitch about the call. And they throw another flag.

In my mind that is the referees fault for not having his mic off, or the sound guys fault for not turning it down after the zebra talked or some shit. Really, penalizing pro athletes for swearing? We used to call the pitcher a cunt in coach-pitch little league. This isn't a fucking sewing circle it's huge dudes running into each other, there is cussing involved. Tim Tebow probably has to say 50 Hail Mary's after every game just from the shit dudes' say. I mean, the fuck. The NFL is for men, not pussies with virgin ears.

Kim Jong Il's Weirdo Son

So Kim Jong Il, North Korea's leader and the worlds favorite despot, died over the weekend. And now his son gets to take over, but he's lookin' like a softie.

Real frightening
From Huffington Post:
TOKYO — With the abrupt death of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, the fate of his isolated, nuclear-armed regime has dropped into the hands of his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, who is such an unknown that the world did not even know for sure what he looked like until last year. 

But the biggest enigma may be whether the younger Mr. Kim will be able to hold onto power in this last bastion of hard-line Communism, much less prevent its impoverished economy from collapsing.
For now, the reclusive regime is acting true to form, offering few clues as to what, if any, changes the death of the dictator could bring. 

It does, however, appear to be offering the first glimmers of an answer to one question that has long dogged North Korea watchers: whether the powerful military and other parts of the nation’s small, privileged ruling elite would go along with the Kim family’s ambitions to extend its dynastic rule to a third generation. 

Within hours of the announcement on Monday of his father’s death, North Korea’s ruling Workers Party released a statement calling on the nation to unite “under the leadership of our comrade Kim Jong-un.”

Wikipedia tells me this dude is 27? The fuck? He looks about 14. Which is pretty fucking scary if you ask me. Looks like a child, probably is used to having kids put to death when they make fun of him. Not a good combination.

Add to that running a country that sucks balls, the only reason their military is strong is because the only way to get fed in North Korea is to join the army. You think they'll follow that goofball into a world war? Doubtful.

All the same, a dude with an inferiority complex and a baby face with a huge army and missiles and shit at his fingertips, fucking sweet. I mean at least his pops was just a crazy movie buff who ran his mouth.

Give James Franco a D, Get Fired

From Newser:
James Franco's stint as a student at NYU is the gift that keeps on giving. A professor who gave him a D in acting class say he got fired for doing so and is suing the university for his job back, reports the New York Post.

Jose Angel Santana says Franco skipped plenty of classes in most of his courses while at the school—and, specifically, didn't show up for 12 of Santana's 14 "Directing the Actor II" classes. But Santana says he was the only professor with the courage to give Franco a lousy grade. 

He says the school created a "Franco-friendly environment" to cash in on the actor's celeb status. “In my opinion, they’ve turned the NYU graduate film degree into swag for James Franco’s purposes, a possession, something you can buy,” he says. Neither the school nor Franco has commented on the lawsuit. 

I love it. This guy got fired for being real and he's pissed. I would be too. Wrongful termination lawsuit anyone? I mean fuck James Franco, you already have an acting career some people are trying to learn to suck less at acting. If I were a professor I wouldn't give him shit for a grade. Skipping 12 out of 14 classes? Who does he think he is Pacino?

And you know that Franco is going to speak out against the school firing this guy. He's going to do that bullshit celebrity 360 turn it on the big bad school bullshit. I'm not buying it. Franco is forever a douchebag in my book. Good actor maybe, big steaming pile of douche, yes.

Oh and good use of swag, Jose.

Kobe's about to hit the single market

That's right, citing several incidents of Kobe cheating like a dog, Kobe and his wife Vanessa are getting separated.

From the LA Times:
In the petition filed Friday, Vanessa Bryant cited "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the divorce. In what appears to be an effort to keep the details of their split out of the public eye, the couple said in a joint statement late Friday. The statement said the couple "resolved all issues incident to their divorce privately."

But the final judgment dissolving their marriage will be entered sometime next year, representatives for the couple said.

I can't wait to see the fucking pussy Kobe is about to run through. I mean I hate the dude on the court, but he is a beast and he's a pretty cool dude from what I can tell. And we all saw this coming, I thought it come when he was accused of raping that chick in Colorado, but it took Vanessa awhile to catch on, whatever.

I'm sure the first thing Vanessa is going to do is get stuffed by some other NBA dick. Revenge fuck for sure.

Oh and the best part is the couple has no pre-nup. So guess what Kobe? Half of your shit just said peace out. Vanessa is laughing all the way to that Dwight Howard dick and her own mansion. Not a bad severance package.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Finally Iraq War is Over

From AFP:
NASIRIYAH, Iraq — Iraq took control of the last American military base in the country on Friday, a day after US forces marked the end of their mission, bringing a divisive war to a low-key conclusion.
The transfer of the sprawling installation on the outskirts of the southern city of Nasiriyah is a final step ahead of a complete US withdrawal from Iraq in the coming days.

The Imam Ali Base, known to the US military as Camp Adder, housed 15,000 American troops at its peak and was officially signed over at a ceremony attended by US Colonel Richard Kaiser and Hussein al-Assadi, the Iraqi official in charge of base transfers.

After the two men signed documents transferring the base to Iraq, Iraqi Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Hakim Abboud said it marked "a day of freedom."

"We promise to our people to be faithful to our army, our Iraq, and to work for its unity," said Abboud, the commander of air force units on Imam Ali Base.

Friday's handover comes after US Defence Secretary Leon Panetta and US commanders took part in a subdued "casing of the colours" ceremony on Thursday near Baghdad airport, the first site US forces occupied in Baghdad during the 2003 invasion.

All that remains of the American military in Iraq are around 4,000 soldiers, down from a peak of nearly 170,000 troops and 505 bases across the country.

After the end of the year, the US embassy will retain just 157 US soldiers, for training of Iraqi forces, and a group of marines to secure the diplomatic mission.

Adios sandbox

Finally the Iraq fucking war is over. I mean shit I remember like it was yesterday when that beady-eyed fuck George Bush promised us all that we were going to find Saddam sitting on a mountain of chemical weapons and shit. Years, billions of dollars, and thousands of dead soldiers later here we are. What has changed? Not a whole lot. 

But we can learn from this shit. The pretense for the war in Iraq is probably the most under-rated straight up lie the government has told the American people and the world. So let us try to get over Iraq, but never forget the lie that was told to all of us that cost us our tax money, our brave soldiers, and any goodwill we had in the Middle East until we invaded Iraq.

7 Foot Beast...In Eighth Grade

Here is the #1ranked middle schooler in the country. Why you ask? Because the motherfucker is 7 feet tall.

This is Thon Maker, and he would crush on you without even stepping into high school yet.

Chigaco WR Arrested for Blow

From ESPN:
Chicago Bears receiver Sam Hurd was arrested in Chicago on federal drug charges Wednesday night, and the criminal complaint against him describes Hurd as regularly dealing large amounts of drugs in Chicago.

Hurd allegedly attempted to purchase cocaine and marijuana from a supplier in North Texas, where the case will be adjudicated.

The investigation into Hurd's attempt to buy large amounts of cocaine and marijuana began in July 2011, when he was still a member of the Dallas Cowboys, and concluded when he personally met with an undercover agent Wednesday at Morton's The Steakhouse in Rosemont.
Yall want some yayo?

At that meeting, Hurd told the informant that he wanted to buy "five to 10 kilograms of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana per week for distribution in the Chicago area," according to the complaint.

Hurd allegedly negotiated to pay $25,000 per kilogram for the cocaine and $450 per pound for the marijuana. The complaint says that Hurd "further stated that he and another co-conspirator currently distribute four kilograms of cocaine per week in the Chicago area, but that the supplier could not supply him with enough quantity." 

It's never a good look for your league when you have players on record with undercover drug agents asking for more cocaine, when they already sell four kilos a week.

Here is what I don't get. If you are an NFL player making millions of dollars, why not just have one of your boys do the fucking drug dealing? If this story was about Hurd's cousin, no one would fucking even know. But no, this guy wanted to feel like fucking Scarface or some shit. Idiot.

It's called deniability, if you are sending someone else to get the coke, then when the feds show up, you can at least try and say it wasn't you or your cash. When it is you yourself sitting in a steakhouse begging for more blow because you are slanging like a champ, you are fucked.

Kids Suspended for "Tebowing"

From New York Post:
The Tebow mania sweeping the nation sacked a group of Long Island high-school students who were suspended for mimicking the quarterback’s famous prayer pose.

Twin brothers Tyler and Connor Carroll of Riverhead HS and classmates Jordan Fulcoly and Wayne Drexel were hit with one-day suspensions for kneeling and bowing their heads like Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow does when he scores a touchdown.

Administrators said the weeklong “Tebowing” craze was a distraction and a hallway hazard after dozens of classmates followed their lead.

“It was basically just a tribute to Tim Tebow,” Carroll Connor, 17, who planned the prank with his brother and friends, told The Post.

“It was more than a religious thing. There was some of that involved obviously, because he prays. I guess it was basically like a moment of silence.

“I just don’t think it’s fair,” said Connor, a senior linebacker, of the school throwing the penalty flag.
“We were never given any warning. They said they did, but that’s completely false.”

The brothers have to serve their suspensions; the others were rescinded because the other participants had not been given warnings, officials said.

About 40 students had been gathering in the hallway all week emulating Tebow.

This is a great suspension right here. I love it. Fuck Tim Tebow. This is a principal who clearly has their priorities in line. Allowing students in your school to kneel down and emulate a self-righteous talentless douchebag is unacceptable.

That being said, I can't wait for this shit to catch on in more schools. I want videos of entire high schools taking a knee in the quad and Tebowing like motherfuckers. Why do I want to see this shit? Because any principal worth their weight in shit would suspend every one of the little fuckers. No mercy for pretentious, Bible-thumping idiots.

Christopher Hitchens Dead

From Dailymail:
British-born journalist and strident atheist intellectual Christopher Hitchens, who made the U.S. his home, has died at the age of 62.

Hitchens, whose 2007 book God Is Not Great made him a major celebrity in his adopted homeland, died in Houston of pneumonia, a complication of cancer of the oesophagus.

In God Is Not Great he argued that religion was the source of all tyranny and that many of the world's evils have been done in the name of religion. It was a belief he never lost.

It's a sad day for reason. Christopher Hitchens was a hero not only to atheists but smart people anywhere. I've read God is Not Great at least four times already, and I'm not saying you should. But some people should.

If you are an atheist then you should give the book a once-over. Hitchens solidified the logical aspects of atheism perfectly and without being too academic. If you aren't an atheist but you are a person who likes a good logical argument (I think I just counted all religious people out) then give it a read. 

It's a sad day for journalism and reason. 

After he was diagnosed with cancer, everyone jumped on Hitchens, expecting him to concede a belief in some kind of god. Many people who become ill can find a renewed belief in religion. But Hitchens wasn't a scared coward. He stood by his beliefs until he died, and that's something we can all learn from.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

This Cop is Real Tough

From Dailymail:
A surveillance video showing a police officer tasering a 14-year-old girl in the groin has been released as part of a lawsuit she has filed against the officer and the city.

Keshana Wilson, from Allentown, Philadelphia, was tasered by the police officer on September 29 outside Dieruff High school as she was walking with a group of friends.

Though 100 seconds is missing from the video according to the lawsuit, it captures the final encounter between Miss Wilson and officer Jason Ammary, but not what preempted it.

The officer claims the girl resisted arest and elbowed him in the chin, the lawsuit claims he grabbed her from behind without identifying himself and shoved her into the car.

The 14-year-old is seen walking towards the car before it abruptly cuts to her being slammed against the side of it by the officer.
A struggle ensues, before the officer steps back and fires his taser at her groin, causing her to collapse in agony on the ground.

Alright I know there is a section missing from the video that could be anything, the girl talking shit to the cop or something, whatever. What in my opinion it clearly shows is an overreaction by a police officer.

Now I know that when cops are in fear for their safety they have to resort to force, it makes sense. But I challenge to find a cop who tells you that the force in this video was necessary. The cop goes up to the girl and she struggles, and instead of just using his training to turn her and slam her against the car to cuff her, the lazy prick just steps back and zaps her. Dude, really, you needed to tase a 14-year-old girl? Come on man.

They got the idea

But at the end of the video you can clearly see in the bottom right of the screen another kid getting led away in cuffs by a security guard, so who knows what the fuck is going on. All I know is fuck the police. I hope that chick makes a fortune off the city because of this fucker.

Humpday Hotty: Stacy Keibler

She fucks George Clooney. 'Nuff said.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Facebook Trying to Prevent Suicide

From Huffington Post:
MENLO PARK, Calif. -- Facebook is making it easier for people who express suicidal thoughts on the social networking site to get help.

A program launching Tuesday enables users to instantly connect with a crisis counselor from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline through Facebook's "chat" messaging system.

If a friend spots a suicidal thought on someone's page, he can report it to Facebook by clicking a link next to the comment. Facebook then sends an email to the person who posted the comment encouraging that user to call the hotline or click a link for a confidential chat.

Typical fucking Facebook. Thinking that someone who wants to commit suicide might not do it by chatting with someone who probably runs down a list of reassuring phrases like "you matter" and "the life of a crack-whore can be fulfilling if you give it a chance".

Fucking hilarious

Which brings me to my actual point. My candidate for worst job ever is whatever a "crisis counselor" is. You have to sit there and wait for people about to off themselves to hit you up so you and only you can try and talk them off the ledge. Sounds like the most depressing job ever. I mean what if someone has you on the phone while they fucking jump off a building or some shit? That shit will stay with you for life.

And if that's not bad enough I'm sure that 99% of the time people who call those hotlines are 14-year-old girls who are like "my boyfriend of two weeks just broke up with me, I can't live without him." So you basically sit there with the phone off the hook and let them cry and whine at nothing until they hang up while you whack it. Hmm...maybe it isn't such a bad gig after all.

If you are on Facebook making a shitty status about killing yourself you are an attention whore and it'd be better for everyone if you just grow a pair and get it over with. No one loves you.

And thank you internet, because when I google searched suicide demotivationals for a second I thought there wouldn't be a ton of funny-ass pictures. You proved me wrong.