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Monday, January 31, 2011

Gender Equality: Wikipedia

So there's a NY Times article out yesterday about how Wikipedia has about 13% female contributors. Sue Gardener, the exec director of the Wikimedia foundation, who runs Wikipedia says she wants that number to be about 25%. I find this whole thing funny, there is a good quote from her in an interview about why she thinks there aren't many female contributors.

“Everyone brings their crumb of information to the table,” she said. “If they are not at the table, we don’t benefit from their crumb.” 

What the fuck is this bitch talking about? Here, I'll help her out, I'm not the director of a huge foundation, so I don't have to be PC.

The reason only 13% of contributors to Wikipedia are women is because guys are nerds. And I mean, it's not a bad thing for women. There just aren't as many of them who are cocky fact-loving computer nerds who want to share their random knowledge with the masses. They are actually in the real world doing shit. Like cooking and raising kids and making me that fucking sammich I asked for ten minutes ago, fuck.

Really women, this is the equal right you want?

But seriously, fact-nerds are a subset of the overall nerd hierarchy. And they are mostly men. Who do nothing but research the Cuban Missile Crisis because they think that knowing a lot about one topic will make up for the fact that they are 34-year-olds who have never even touched a real vagina. Women on the other hand, don't lock themselves inside researching useless shit and then thinking it makes them real people. They just comment on Facebook stuff.

I'm just saying, women, there are parts of this world you should be proud not to take part in. You don't fight on the front lines of wars, you don't contribute to the useful awesomeness that is Wikipedia, but who gives a fuck. Wikipedia is for looking up shit, not contributing to. Silly women, nerding is for fat pasty dudes.

Only Celtics at Lakers Game of the Season

And of course we beat the fucks like redheaded step-children. It was a classic Boston-L.A. game. KG gets scratched by the biggest bitch in the NBA, Pau Gasol. Ron Artest tries to mix it up with the Celtics because he can't do shit on the court. The anouncers suck the Laker dick even when the Celtics were dominant most of the game. Typical awesome Sunday hoops game. And typical finish. Fuck you Kobe. It's the only time the Celtics play at L.A., so we all knew they were going to make it a W at all costs.


So today Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak created a new cabinet hoping to appease last weeks huge protests all over Egypt. The problem is, the protests are specifically to get rid of him, not his cabinet. This dude is obviously committed to not leave office without a bullet in his brain, and I'm sure eventually the people will give him what he wants. Al Jazeera reporters are being detained, the security forces are trying to control stories getting out of Egypt, and American students are stranded in Cairo airport amid all the chaos. Egypt is going to hell in a hand-basket, and it's going to end with Mubarak being dragged through the streets. Full story with updates here.

Mubarak, slow learner
Is this dude the most arrogant asshole on Earth or what? I don't know dick about Egyptian politics, but I do know a useful saying, "get while the getting's good." Like dude, get the fuck out of dodge before the protesters find AK's and start pounding on your door. You had a long tenure as a royal douche and go call it a day somewhere and just sit on a fucking beach and be alive. Instead this cock-sucker will be at his desk holding on for dear life while the people kick in the door and drag his ass out. Stubborn asshole. And like switching up all the people around you when the protests are specifically to get you out is just a middle finger to all the people protesting. Well buddy, I hope they fuck your day up.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Do a Barrel Roll!

Alright we'll wrap up the week with evading arrest. Now you can always go with the tried-and-true method of running from the cops, or you be super sneaky and let them arrest you so you can pull a Bond manuveur and jump out of their moving squad car while handcuffed, a recipe for successful flight. Have a good weekend and I hope you don't find yourself having to reinact this stunt.

Charlie Sheen: Parties Too Hard for Pornstars

So TMZ just got an interview porn star Kacey Jordan, who talks about a night romp with Charlie Sheen, and every word she speaks, I love him more and more. Dude is a vodka-swilling, coke-smoking beast. Like when pornstars are saying no more coke-smoking, I gotta go home, you know you have a problem. But the one thing I don't understand is that he was with a porn star, watching porn for two hours? Like, the pimp of all pimps didn't try to just fuck her? Maybe he smoked so much coke that his dick shriveled up, understandable. It happens to the best of us. But this video just proves that just when you think Charlie Sheen's pimphood has peaked, he breaks right through and takes it to the next level.

Yall wanna smoke some coke?

I Stand With Taco Bell

Okay so everyone is talking about this new lawsuit against Taco Bell. Essentially it alleges that they are using false advertising by using the phrase "ground beef" to refer to their product.

The lawsuit was filed last Friday by an Alabama law firm that claims that the additives in Taco Bell's beef does not meet the U.S. Department of Agriculture's standards of "beef". The firm claims the mixture contains less than 35% beef. Full story here.

Taco Bell has defended their product of course. In this video the company's president claims that the mixture actually contains 88% USDA ground beef.

Alright, there are both sides of this, and a couple things bother me. First, what the fuck is up with that video? It's filmed in like a hallway with interns walking by and shit, real professional bro. And why is their president British? Someone who knows Mexican food should be the prez of T-Bell, no question.

But here's the thing, I have no problem with this lawsuit. Lawyers jobs are to attack. They find someone they think is lying, and they sue them. I get it, but now I just hope people aren't all poo-pooing Taco Bell. Like McDonalds chicken nuggets have any real chicken in them. It's fast food, it tastes good. People don't really care because it's so simple and tasty and cheap. If you want prime ingredients and shit, make your own fucking tacos. If you are lazy or stoned, then hit up Taco Bell, and enjoy. I could give a flying fuck, they make it taste good, I understand their ground beef isn't all ground beef, but come on man. I'm sure the actual percentage of ground beef in the mixture will come out by the end of this, and it will be higher than 35%. Just don't assume because a lawsuit is claiming something makes it true, let's all wait for this to pan out before we crush the best fast food chain outside of In 'N' Out Burger. I'm with you Taco Bell, to the bitter, non-beef end.

Cairo Is Getting Crazy

I posted earlier in the week about anti-government protests in Egypt. Well, now the government is trying to regain control, and it isn't pretty. Massiv deomnstrations again today led to protestors clashing with police. Overnight the internet and cell-phone service were disrupted as an attempt to stop the protestors from gathering en masse according to the Huffington Post. Guess what, that didn't work. They have also initiated a country-wide curfew to attempt to control the country.

One of the countries most influential pro-democracy advocate, Mohamed El Baradei, was trapped along with followers inside a mosque after the noon prayer. Police so rounded the building and shot tear gas into the streets to block anyone from leaving the mosque. The army has also been called in, and there are some reports of gunfire. But the people have been chanting "the people and the army, we are one," according to CNN. If the army takes up the side of the protesters, this will get interesting real fast.

All told there were six major groups, made up of thousands of protesters, moving through Cairo today. They threw rocks at police, who fought back with batons, tear gas, and water cannons. I think it's safe to say if this keeps up, President Hosni Mubarak's 30 year-rule will be over within the next month.

Here's a good way to gain control of your country that's spiraling into chaos, cut off their internet and cell-phone service. Because that doesn't further piss off people who are already poor and pissed. And this Mubarak guy is probably just sitting in his palace or whatever-the-fuck he lives in, praying that his military doesn't decide that yeah, democracy is pretty good. I think in the next week the shit is really going to hit the fan, maybe even as early as this weekend. We will see.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Colleges That Stifle Free Speech Most: Syracuse

So the organization called the Foundation for Equal Rights in Education is a watchdog group for universities and colleges that ranks them according to worst violations of free speech and shit. The Huffington Post just covered their list of the top 12 offenders of free speech. Syracuse University is at the top. Why? you ask, I'll enlighten you.

Syracuse's College of Law is considering expelling a student for what they call harassment because he decided to take part in a funny-ass blog about Law School life. Wonder where he got that idea from cough cough Tucker Max. And apparently SU is not naming names for who the accusers are or what was harrassing about the students actions. The student, Len Audaer was informed in October that he was being investigated for harassment. Of who? Who the fuck knows. The blog, called SUCOLitis (SUCOL being Syracuse University College of Law) was apparently some kind of fake-news blog, whatever the fuck that means. This is a real news blog so I don't know what fake news is.

Other schools on the list include Tufts, Michigan State, and UMass Amherst. Want to see how your school rates for free speech? Find out here. MCLA get a "red light" for having some policies which restrict the First Amendment rights of students.

Man Issues: The Wingman's Role

Alright guys, it's that time. Another installment of "Man Issues." I'm just trying to educate every guy to certain things all guys should know and value. And this is one of the most important parts of any broship. Being a solid wing-man.

Now being a wing-man has varying degrees.
  • Degree 1: The simple distraction of a girl's friend while your boy tries to spit game at his target. It is really easy, unless the girl to be distracted (girl B) is a complete moron or is hideously ugly or smells or something. But usually it's not too hard. This is the simplest level of being a wing-man, and is required of all bro's. At the lowest level your job as the wing-man ends when your bro separates the target from the pack, so you can go about your business while he splits said slut like a piece of wood.
  • Degree 2: Now it gets harder, now girl B is hostile. She doesn't like your friend trying to fuck her friend. Probably because the target (girl A) is hotter than her and perhaps better in other ways. So trying to talk to her and keep her from cock-blocking is like wrangling a bull elephant who just downed three double vodkas. Handle with care. Lubricate the situation with alcohol. A lot of it.When the time to extract girl A comes, hostile girl B will make one of several moves. She may confront girl A about going away with douchebags. She may also move in the opposite direction and feel the need to become a stage 5 clinger to you. She wants to go wherever her friend does to prove they are both equally desirable. This is where wing-men need finesse. There are several ways to separate a "grenade" as we'll call them, from their girl A.
  1. Wing-man initiated removal. this one is simple. Tell your girl B that you are going to the bathroom/bar or somewhere that isn't where you are standing. If she wants to go to the bar with you, ask her what she drinks and say you'll get it (you gentleman you). When she concedes, run, evacuate. Eventually your buddy (who is hopefully smart) will take his girl to "find you." Mission accomplished. The need to shoot your buddy a text telling him to evacuate may help.
  2. Bro initiated evacuation. This is essentially the same as the first, but your boy and his girl say they are going to the bar, and then you follow with the bathroom line. She'll go find them at the bar when you leave, but a finely honed Bro will know how to dodge.
  3. The crusher. If there is dancing going on at the location, you may find it necessary to crush your girl B, this may backfire as she may run crying to girl A and then your bro will flip the fuck out and kick you in the nuts. But anyway, this approach is simple. Once your boy has safely netted his prey, just go onto the floor and dance with a solo female dancer. Those sluts don't care, and girl B will be forced to move on. Mission accomplished.
Now back to the degrees of wing-manhood.

  • Degree 3: This one is a huge step up. This degree involves the double date. If you have a girlfriend and your boy just met some girl, or wants to bone one of her friends, you are obligated to not only help, but enlist your woman to help as well. The wing-woman is a precious thing, because women trust other women, not dudes. This approach could backfire, if your girlfriend is a raging bitch, then your job might be just to neutralize her and let your buddy do his thing. If she is awesome, and you are a good wing-man, then your buddy better get it in. Or he's a pussy and should get a nutshot.
  • Degree 4: This is the highest degree of bro-hood and also is termed "the double wing-man." A double date where you are just coming along and your boy's target brings a random friend. "The wild card" could be anything from a dime with some insane issue, like she's bi-polar or was a dude etc. And your job is to no matter how foul the wild card is, you must help your boy get it in. Likewise, if she is actually not as appalling as Pamela Anderson's gaping snatch, then you and your buddy have to double wing-man. You assist each other. This night is only victorious if both of you get some.
A wise man once said, "If your goal is the hole, then with a wing-man you should roll."

Wing-men make you seem less creepy and awkward, and let girls know you actually have friends. there are also more advanced stages, such as group wing-men. When you're rolling deep just to separated a dime sorority chick from her ugly-ass sisters or something. But stick to what you know. Or else leader and wing-man perish into a world of not getting some. Good hunting boys.

Taking Pong Too Serious

Okay, I'm all for taking beer pong seriously. Like I'll talk shit to Helen Keller if she's across the table and I'm sober or drunk, probably sober because she ain't hitting shit for cups. Making me thirsty, bitch. I'll even talk shit to my teammate, that's how I roll motherfucker.

Anyway, I think all these stupid college kids making videos of dunks and shit is taking it way too far. Like, even if this guy somehow "makes" the cup, who cares, he's still a moron. Like you fucking rookies ever heard of the "elbow rule?" I think you broke it, so now the table's busted, your nuts are broken, and you still lose. Douche.

Glens Falls Stand Up

Okay, I've posted about his beastliness before, but last night Jimmer Fredette led BYU to a huge win over San Diego State. Both teams were unddefeated in conference. And yesterday it was the Jimmer show.

He put up 43 against one of the best teams in the nation. He has scored 40+ in 5 games this season, one away from Stephen Curry's 6. But not only does he drop buckets, he dimes the ball too, and his team wins. If he isn't the Nation Player of the Year, then the voting is fucking rigged.

I can't wait to see Glens Falls drop buckets in March. I'm actually going to be pulling for the Mormons to win it all. If this little fucker can throw Glens Falls and Mormons on his back, he is okay by me. Oh, and the Celtics better draft his ass.

Marijuana Smuggling: Getting Smarter

Okay I was over at Bro Bible and I saw this post that I couldn't pass up. Apparently Border Patrol dudes found a catapult for launching weed across the U.S. border with Mexico. Here is a shitty-ass video apparently of the smugglers shooting the weed. I don't know, it looks like 19th century porn to me, but whatever.

That;s some creative shit right? I mean you know these guys are the smartest of all the border smugglers. Underground tunnel? Too risky. Indian cheek sneak (drugs in the butt)? Too painful. So lets just launch the fucking herb across the border and have our boys pick it up, or just drive across and get it. Pretty smart stuff. Kudos to you, Mexican smuggler guy, you work hard so that crackheads in America can also smoke that Mexican dirt weed between backs of crack. We salute you.

Didn't work for the coyote, or the Mexican smugglers

Thursday Throwbacks: Getting Weird With It

Face it, we all have a loser inside us. Some of us more than others. And I don't even really like Beck, but in 1993 he came out with "Loser." Losers everywhere rejoiced. Enjoy.

Pedophiles and Higher Education

So the NY Daily News is reporting that a NYC professor, who teaches at several schools in the city, got snagged sending pictures of his junk to a cop posing as a 14-year-old girl. Sweet bro. Igor Sorkin, 31 is the pedophile in question. He is charged with sending explicit images to a minor and attempting to endanger the welfare of a child. If convicted he's getting seven years hard time. And when you're a pedophile it's really hard time I'm sure. Don't drop the soap broski.

Of course the moron got caught on Tuesday when he arranged to meet the girl in Queens. That's a bad choice, my friend.
Ah the good old days

Okay, so here's one thing I don't get about creeps like this. Myspace and scummy AIM chat rooms have been around for like twenty years almost, and still these idiots chat with kids online and shit. It's fucking weird and I feel like it's always the cops. So then, you compound your stupidity by agreeing to meet the 14-year-old? Like have you never heard of "To Catch a Predator" man? And like what is the arrangement where you are convinced that "yeah, I'll go meet this FOURTEEN YEAR OLD" and somehow her parents don't mind or she's super smart so she killed them and lives in the house now? Like come the fuck on dude, you're a sick piece of shit. And they have been doing these online sting-type things for years now.

The internet has made pedophiles lazy. No more unmarked van trying to get you in with a puppy like in the good old days. I wonder if that's what they still teach in health classes? No, now it's like chatting online, showing you their cock, and then trying to meet you to bang. Like come on man, at least back in the day these freaks didn't hide behind the internet. Your parents were just like, "don't get in a car with a stranger and candy." And that was that, it seems like a fair rule anyway.

But now it's like, "Don't talk to people you don't know online." Apparently the pervs didn't get the memo. That 14-year-old is really some fat slob over-payed NYPD guy sitting at his desk eating doughnuts laughing with his buddies about how small your cock is. Will you never learn, sick bastard pedophile fucks?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Always Good for a Chuckle

Alright Jimmy Buffett is still touring. He's old as shit, always drunk or stoned, and generally hilarious. He's like a billionaire with his restaurant chain and shit. But look at this hilarious video of him eating concrete at a show in Australia. I couldn't embed the video because TMZ are fascists, but click here and it'll come right up.

Dude, hilarious. I love how people aren't even concerned, everyone in the crowd is just cheering and shit, most of them are probably so hammered they don't even realize he fell off the fucking stage. Awesome.

Sweet faceplant, old bra
I hope that cheers you up on your Humpday, along with today's hotty of course.

NU: The Brothel Law

So any of you who live in New England know about outdated brothel laws. Many schools cannot have sorority house because the town or city defines a certain number of women living together as a "brothel." Well Evanston, the town that Northwestern University calls home, will begin to enforce one of the towns old brothel laws on July 1 of this year, the Daily Northwestern reports.

But this you run-of-the-mill "no more than ten women in one house" kind of deal. Oh no, this bullshit law prevents three or more unrelated people from living together. i shit you not, three unrelated people won't even be allowed to live together. Well, NU students, you just got a big old "Fuck you" from the town.

So of course now NU is recommending students move farther from campus, well no shit dude. What college kid can afford to live with one other person or alone in a house? Not many I've met. Students are pissed off because the law being enforced will essentially crush any aspect of community at NU. Nothing breeds school spirit like all of your off-campus students taking the same public transit bus thirty minutes to get to campus. That just makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside.

This is probably the dumbest thing I've heard all week. What the fuck does three unrelated people living together have to do with community? If anything it fosters a community outside of the nuclear family home. And I never understand places where colleges are fucking the college over. Like, hey guys, your whole economy is based on our students spending money at your bars and stores etc. So why the big ole middle finger? It just doesn't make sense. If I was a student at NU, I would be furious. In fact, I am anyway and it doesn't affect me one bit. It's still stupid though, and I hate stupid.

China: Students Actually Get Jobs?

So China's Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security has released statistics about their graduates actually getting employed after college. Fucking tits on a bull, in 2010 90.7% of graduating Chinese students entered the job market. I won't even begin to guess or look up how much lower the U.S. ranks in that.

China: Get employed, and big

See, this is one of the positives of a controlled economy. There are actually jobs, because China sees the value of actually employing the students they educate. We just outsource our jobs to China so they can reap the rewards of production. They only have a 4.1% unemployment rate. Damn, maybe that's the trade-off for having the government monitor you in school, if you just shut up and do the work, you get a job. Except for the dumb 10% of course. But I mean come on, dumb people aren't real people anyway.

Humpday Hotty: Natalie Portman

Okay, this was overdue. I mean right now she;s blowing up again, but she's been hot for a long-ass time. She basically single-handedly made the newer Star Wars installments not blow with her sexiness. I mean she has that wholesome, take-home-to-momma thing going on. But you know she'd rock the dick off of your body at the same time. Pure sexuality. And I mean she got knocked up, but goddamn I don't care at all.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Egypt: Pissed as Shit

Well in case you didn't hear Tunisia had a bunch of protests recently, and now Egyptian officials are dealing with  today's protests across Egypt. An Egyptian official has confirmed there are three dead as a result of the anti-government protests today. One was a security officer, and the other two were apparently civilians.

Police shot tear gas and water cannons to disperse protesters, also hand-to-hand conflicts involving police with batons were reported in Cairo, MSNBC Reports. Protesters gathered in several areas for today's "Day of Rage." The goal is to remove Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak. Poverty in the country has caused unrest with much of the population, who blame the current administration for much of the countries economic problems. Protesters shut down Cairo and also gathered in Alexandria and elsewhere.

Word of the rallies utilized Facebook and twitter to help get a strong number of people to participate. Apparently during the rally Facebook and Twitter access were limited by the Egyptian authorities. Of course Egypt is an American ally, so Hillary Clinton essentially said no one should be violent on either side. Because what does America care about? America, instead of poor people elsewhere we just want our allies to hold onto power even when they suck dick.

I Agree With Fox?

I can't believe this is happening, it must be a sign of the Apocalypse. Fox, who is running the Superbowl, rejected this ad from Ashley Madison according to Jezebel. The ad features adult film star Savannah Samson.

Now, in case you are wondering what just raped your eyes, Ashley Madison is a website for having an affair. It's like E-Harmony, but you have a wife at home. And so in this case I agree with Fox. Look, part of the shame of cheating is having to go to great lengths to find a willing slut and/or cover it up. With this site it is too fucking easy. And of course Fox is not going to support extra-marital affairs. Hell, they still don't accept married people having sex people.

Savannah Samson, more moral than cheating

And the founder of Ashley Madison is bitching that because the star of the ad is a porn star, that's why Fox rejected it. Dude, you founded a site to make it easier for people to cheat on each other. Maybe the porn star isn't the only questionable part of the ad. Sorry guy, if you want to run a website that is immoral, you shouldn't bitch when Fox won't run your ads. It's how they fuckin' roll, and I say fuck you too Ashley Madison, and the whore you rode in on.

Senator Compares Abortion to Holocaust

Senator Roger Wicker, Republican (duh) from Mississippi took the opportunity during Monday's "March for Life" in D.C. to make an insane comparison between abortion and the Nazis.

"We believe Roe v. Wade has led to a three-and-a-half decades-long holocaust in the United States of America, and it amounts to a stain on our national conscience, and it's time for it to end." From ABC News. Okay bro.

Senator Wicker (R) Miss.
The Senator is echoing the new fanaticism the Republican majority in the House has taken, opening up the debate on abortion and putting anti-abortion legislation back into play in the house.

There is already an anti-abortion law on the books. The Hyde Amendment, which was passed in 1976 makes it so no funds from the Department of Health and Human Services can go toward abortion. This means you pay out-of-pocket for abortions. So essentially abortion is separated from government funds, fine.

In the same article, ABC News interviews a young person in favor of sticter abortion legislation. The stupid fucker is 15.

"A country that is able to kill their own children is kind of a hypocrite country to me," Anthony Rivera, 15, from Charlotte, N.C., told ABC News. "How can you decide that a fetus is not a living thing? If it is not alive then it is not a baby. And if it's not a baby then you're not pregnant. So it's not terminating a pregnancy, you're just killing a life. So how can we have a country that kills our own children?"

Dude, you are fucking 15, you don't know shit. How about when your sister is raped in a gang-initiation and has to carry the child and live everyday if its life remembering being raped?  Still no abortion? See Republicans make issues seem so simple. "Life starts at conception, so abortion is murder."And okay little Anthony, just wait until you accidentally break a Trojan and are with your girl at the clinic getting her scraped, then you'll be real anti-abortion I'm sure. Little cocksucker.

Look douchebags. If a girl is raped at say, 14, and gets pregnant, why can't that child be aborted? I mean you guys are against the welfare state so how would the child live without welfare? Or how about what if the child is proven to be very ill, so it's life will be short and full of pain? Will Jesus save it or some bullshit? Fuck you guys. What if the baby being born affects the mothers health, maybe endangering her life? We just say fuck it, the babies more important? Jerk-offs.

I feel like these crazy assholes think that liberals just fuck each other without protection all day and just abort the results. Like dude, those shits are way more expensive than condoms or plan B or anything. They just make it seem so casual or something. It's really not. Maybe if health classes taught safe-sex instead of just abstinence all your girls in the deep south would know a condom from a monkey wrench, and would maybe even use one. Then abortions would go down. It's called education guys. For fucks sake. The new Holocaust? So we're rounding up the fetuses, starving them to the point of death, and then systematically gassing them? Hmm yeah, definitely seems similar to the Holocaust moron.

Will They Survive? Jersey Shore Season 4 in Italy

TMZ is reporting that there is an apparent plan in the works to get visas to Italy for the cast and crew of the Jersey Shore. As of now it appears MTV is scouting locations in Italy, to find the right home for our cast of Guidos.

To Italy!

This will not end well. Mark my words. Real European Italians probably hate how their nation is dragged under by the Jersey Shore. Sure the kids will love to party with retard Americans that have TV cameras up their ass, just like in the US of A. But the older Italians, good lord I don't know what they are going to think of this mockery of their culture. I mean I'm not even Italian and these people embarrass me. Sure, the show is like crack, and makes you feel smart knowing these retards are out there in the world, but fuck me running. The Mafia will probably just have Snooki and everyone else killed, and sell Jwoww into titty-fuck slavery. That's how real Italians roll.

If I was the Italian government, I'd sit these clowns down alone in separate rooms, and say that they cannot come into the country unless they can point out Italy on a map. No help, no phones, no assistance, just straight up are you dumb or aren't you. If they did that though it'd be my boy Vinny going to Italia alone. Oh well. Let the retards play, everyone else does.

Damn China, You Scary

So China loves controlling their people, and they use pretty technological means to do so. And here they go again. They have a system called the Student Information System which was created after the student protests in Tiananmen Square in 1989. Now they are expanding the initiative, which tracks classroom activity to control the public-at-large. It started at large universities, but now is widespread and even includes high schools and some middle schools. Full story here.

Shhhh! Porice Ristening

They are also adding student informants who report directly to school "security" departments. Crazy-ass Chinese. The SIS has the authority to punish students for anything from a facial expression on up. Facial expressions? That is some sick shit. The SIS con revoke scholarships and mark academic records for certain infractions. Of course students and teachers aren't the biggest fans of SIS, but who the fucked asked them. In Communist China, we fook you rong time! Like the funniest part is in America you know kids would just say mad fucked up shit just to fuck with the SIS people. College kids everywhere would just talk about toppling the government or something. The FBI would explode.

But this is just one example of how China is about the whole instead of the parts unlike the U.S. They get awesome grades because their parents call them stupid everyday and threaten to beat them, so they test best in the world in like everything. American kids just say whatever they want and we're dumb as shit. China monitors schools for crazy fucking anarchists, we just kick them out of school to shoot a Congresswoman.

I thought we be them in Dubya Dubya Two

They put the whole country over the individual, and in the next few decades, they are easily going to be the superpower of the world, and Americans will sit back and be like "but they got slanty-eyes." Yeah and your kid got a 600 on the SAT's, thats their average score in like third grade. Moron. Then we're going to wonder what happened when they own us. We were busy arguing about Jesus or something, they were reading books. I'm just saying.

Monday, January 24, 2011

World Star Hip-Hop Shut Down: 50 Cent Lovin' It

Where the fuck am I going to go to see my hood fights? Goddamnit 50 Cent, why would you cause World Star Hip-hop to shut down? Have you no decency? Fuck 50.

Yeah, I'm e-tough

Essentially 50 had a lawsuit against the site for using his likeness without his permission. He won the case, and Homeland Security shut down the site to enforce the lawsuit. The new World Star Hip-Hop can be found here. According to hiphopwired.com, Fifty plans on shutting down two more sites this week.

Jesus christ, 50 Cent is a beast. First music, then Vitamin Water, now he's so big he just sits online and looks for pictures of him to sue the sites that host them. Man has he gotten huge. No wonder he hasn't come up with new music, he's too busy trying to look tough by shutting down websites. Yeah man, really baller. That must have really upped his street cred. Douchebag.

Dopest Mini Golf Shot Ever

Alright everyone is freaking out about this Putt-putt shot, and as always I was skeptical when I see something titled "Greatest _____ Ever." But this shit is truly magnificent. Like the first part is crazy and you can see the kid is happy just with that, then he sinks it. Awesome, purely awesome.

Sign that motherfucker up for something. Putt putt nationals. Motherfucker hits impossible shots all day. Like a boss.

Skins: Getting Dropped like a Booty in Harlem

Well, I give "Skins" about another month after this bullshit. So the show is so racy that Taco Bell dropped it's ads in the show. Okay, that seems normal. But then, H&R Block, Wrigley and G.M. also pulled their sponsorships. Now, according to the Hollywood Reporter, Subway is also jumping ship.

All this seems to be stemming from the push by the Parental Television Council's bitching. They are now pushing the Justice Department and Senate and House Judiciary Committees to investigate the show. They allege that Viacom, who owns MTV, knowingly ran child pornography.

Well kids, enjoy "Skins" while it lasts, because guess what, when a show stops making it money, its out of there. If no sponsors will touch this shit with a ten-foot pole, then MTV will drop it faster than you can say "Eat Fresh." This is how money runs our country, and my bet is Skins doesn't see it to the end of this first season. Ratings are fine, but ads make money, not pre-teen eyeballs.

Moscow Airport Explosion

As I'm sure you've all heard this afternoon in Moscow's busiest airport a bomber walked right in and set off an explosive device, according to eyewitnesses and Russian officials. As of right now Russian sources report 21 people dead and over 150 wounded in the attack. Russian President Medvedev denounced the act as one of terrorism, and police are working on identifying the suicide bomber, the NY Times reports.

Domodedovo Airport is Mscow's largest and busiest airport. Live updates on the incident can be seen on Huffington Post.

The blast will likely be linked to insurgents Caucasus region. Rebel groups have been targeting Russia since before the fall of the Soviet Union. This action will likely give Prime Minister and all-around pimp, Vladamir Putin, more power to combat terrorist networks within Russia. The craziest part of this story is that the airport stayed open tonight, some delays were a result but officials did not shut down the airport. Business as usual in Russia I guess.

NFL Division Playoffs: Thank You Steelers

So this weekend the Jets played the Steelers and the Bears played Green Bay. Everything went by the letter. The over-rated Bears finally found themselves coming up short against an impressive Green Bay squad. And of course, Pittsburgh pulled it out and gave the Jets a nice smack down. Fuck you Jets. Rex Ryan still has his tough guy face on. During the post game he was all like defiant-child "We still want to win a Superbowl, why won't everyone just throw the games so we can win?" Blah blah fucking blah. I'm so glad they got beat. Like does Rex get it that the old "win the Superbowl" line doesn't make him a motivator? Dude, every team wants to win the Superbowl, you fucking moron. God I wish Harrison just clipped Rexy at the knees, just once. Fuck that fat douche.

Rexy sad

One bullshit story coming out of this football weekend was Jay Cutler's injury. He left the game and everyone was flipping out on Twitter and whatnot calling him a pussy. MRI comes back, guess what guys? He had a fucking torn MCL. Try playing in an NFL game with a torn MCL, see what happens. I think everyone just thinks NFL players are like super-human. If your knee is torn to shit, being as athletic or in-shape as possible doesn't help. Sorry guys. Wait a minute, did I just defend Jay Cutler? Jesus. I'm not saying he's good people, just that injuries hurt everyone, not just us mortals.

And Boom Goes the First Amendment, Again

So as a reaction the shootings in 2007 at Virginia Tech and the recent one in Tuscon, North Carolina's State Board of Community Colleges voted in favor of shutting the open-door admissions policies for the state's community colleges. According to the Charlotte Observer the schools now would be able to refuse admission to students who cause "an articulable, imminent and significant threat."

As of now there is no standard for how the school will determine what constitutes a "threat" worthy of refusing admission to a potential student. The ACLU of North Carolina has already voiced concerns on implementing a policy that for now seems undefined and pretty weak. I'm with them.

The thing about policies like this is they almost always over-reach their goal. I'm fine with kicking out kids who threaten people directly. But what's going to happen is some student is going to write something or blog or say something in class that will be free speech. But it will offend someone. And in this PC world we live in, there will be a big deal made of something that is just free speech. Like if I say "fuck this school" do I get kicked out? Because I'm pretty sure every college undergrad has thought that at least once. It doesn't mean I'm going into my Lit class with an uzi, I'm just pissed off. Gimme a fucking break.

Now okay, maybe the board will come up with good, specific guidelines as to what a "threat" is. But here's what I'm saying, what if say a student makes a threat, and gets removed from the school, but maybe there isn't enough to put that person in jail. So now you have a student who may or may not be crazy, but you just pissed them off even more. So now your potential psychopath has a reason to come in spraying. I mean they already do criminal background checks on students, so what, now they are going to start rejecting people based on what someone might do? And if someone does have some medical issue, try rejecting them on that basis, these schools will be sued out the ass week 2 of trying that shit.

It's just how shit goes, there are crazies everywhere, you can't weed them all out. I mean fuck, it's community college, I think we all know some people attending one of those with a couple screws loose.

Man Issues: Condoms

Possibly the greatest dilemma in the history of man is, to wear a condom, or not to wear a condom. If the female you happened to have tricked into letting you bone her is not on birth control, I assume that you will be wrapping it. And it's horrible. Technology has come so far so why don't they have condoms that just don't feel like anything or something. I mean what the fuck?

In my opinion sex with a condom is like taking ecstasy in prison. It just leads to disappointment. Like honestly, sex is not sex with a rubber. If you have never experienced going "raw dog" I feel bad for you. Your life is incomplete. And I'm not exaggerating either. Get your woman on the pill, and start letting 'em blow like Charlie Sheen in a whorehouse. Thank me later.

Here's what we need to come up with. It might sound weird but hear me out. Male birth control. That's right, I want a pill I can take however often and blow to my heart's content without knocking anyone up. I don't give a fuck about what the side effects are either. No offense girls, but i know since it's invention you blamed being crazy on the pill. Fuck that then, I'll take it and you'll still all be bat-shit crazy. I'm just saying. Fuck rubbers.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Is Nothing Sacred? Man Sues Escort Service

An East Harlem native is suing Las Vegas Exclusive Personals, alleging one of their employees "broke the law" during a rendezvous with him December 17.

22-year-old Hubert Blackman paid $155 for an escort to come to his room. For this he got a strip-tease and lap dance. For another $120, she performed some kind of "sexual act". Okay, seems normal. But then in the morning he calls the escort service asking for a refund, because the girl left in thirty minutes instead of staying for an hour.

Hubert Blackman, clown

He then called the cops, who warned him he had broken the law by soliciting prostitution. In his complaint against the company, which claims $1.8 million in damages, he cites a "psychotic disorder" that resulted from the event. Full story here.

Okay, this story is sort of puzzling. I mean this guy has huge balls, that is sure. He calls the cops to report that he hired a whore and she only stayed for thirty minutes? That is either the ballsiest man ever, or the dumbest. But wait, this ballsy idiot doesn't stop there. He wants almost $2 million for a "psychotic disorder"? What the fuck happened in that hotel room is what I want to know. Like what can you pay a whore $120 for that will scar you like that? Who knows, maybe she gave him an STD and that made him flip out or something.

Dude you are 22, I'm sure you liked fucking the stripper. It's not like they rape you or something, you pay 'em money and they hop on your dick. And you can't get a refund because you blew in five minutes and she stayed another 25 to coddle you while you cry because she felt bad. The whore/client relationship is sacred. It just stays behind closed doors, you can't try to play the system by getting some nookie and trying to get a refund. Respect the rules of the world. Dude, there is no way this story can end with this guy not looking like a moron, no way.

See you on Monday beat-heads.

College Application Fees: Some Bullshit

Okay one thing I really have a problem with is college application fees. Like, do you really need $50 from me just so you can accept me and fuck me with more stupid bills and shit? Weak.

According to US News and World Report, only 2% of undergrad programs don't charge to apply.

They also compiled the list of 25 schools that charge the most to apply.

Or "Boo" for short

I won't go through the whole list, but you can see the whole thing here. It lists the application fee next to US News ranking of that institution. Some of the differences in fee and rank are amusing.

Number one is Stanford standing alone at $90. Jesus, that is bleeding you for a fucking application. At least it's ranked number 5 so the fee is somewhat justified.

I can pay in weed right?

Coming in at #3 is Boston University. it has a $75 fee and is ranked 56th. Hey BU, newsflash, you aren't Harvard (whose fee is also $75, but they are ranked #1 in the country). Even Boston College, the most pretentious pompous-ass university of all time, only charges $70. Come on BU.

Who wants to get fucked in the wallet?

George Mason has a $75 fee as well. They are ranked lowest of all schools on the list. Come on guys, at least like try to not fuck your students. You are ranked 143 and you're charging the same as Harvard and MIT? Gimme a fucking break.

Now most people just shrug off the fee as a necessary part of the college experience or whatever. Bullshit, say the average kid applies to 5-10 schools, the average fee is like $42. But say, hypothetically, you are actually smart. If you apply to Harvard, Colombia, Stanford, and Dartmouth as a safety school, that would be $315 just to apply. And most kids apply to way more schools than that. The fee is a good introduction to college life, if they can fuck you in the ass with a fee, they will. Welcome to college freshman, financial buttrape at it's finest.

UConn: Party Crackdown

UConn President Phillip Austin decided yesterday to accept recommendations from a special task forces that was created after last years pre-finals weekend partying.

Last year Spring Weekend at UConn resulted in 84 arrests and one fatality. Junior Jafar Karzoun died after being punched outside a campus eatery.

The task force recommended banning guests in the dorms during Spring Weekend and also the canceling of university sponsored events for Spring Weekend. Full story here.

Look, all big schools have this same problem. What does every college kid in America do the weekend before finals week starts? Get shitfaced and do incredibly dumb shit. It's everywhere. And when you have huge public schools like UConn or UMass, shit sometimes goes wrong. But what are you going to do arrest everyone? It's one of those things where the administration isn't going to stop the shit from happening, so why try stupid things like not allowing guests in the dorms? Then kids are going to just go elsewhere with their friends to party. It's fucking moronic.

And it's sad to say, but the death last year could happen anywhere. A guy hits another guy, who hits the ground wrong, and dies later. Ronnie from the Jersey Shore could have killed that dude he sucker-punched on national TV. Freak stuff happens.

So all I gotta say UConn, is party the fuck on. I want to see so many people there for Spring Weekend that a state of drunken emergency is declared. Fuck the police.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Cool Bro

This is awesome. I decided with this video that my favorite internet videos are of people who think they are cool until something fucks up. It is internet justice at its finest.

Corvette Bursts Into Flames During Burnout

Vicente Fox: Pro-Legalization

In a recent interview with Time, former Mexican President Vicente Fox explains he stance about legalizing drugs to take control of the black market economy back from organized crime. Fox was President of Mexico from 2000 until 2006. During his tenure the battle with narcotics cartels escalated intensely.

El Ex-Presidente

Several countries have taken steps to decriminalize possession of narcotics. Portugal, Holland, and Mexico have policies in place that decriminalize and legalize certain drugs, to an extent. Most nations are held back by the United Nations. Membership in the U.N. requires countries to commit to combating drug trafficking, the opposite of legalization. Fox says that countries should pioneer the way to a new world drug policy, not cower from progress because of the U.N. Fox expressed regret that Prop 19 did not pass in California. He recognizes the legalization issue in California as the forefront of this policy he now endorses.

Mexico had almost 12,000 murders in 2010, many related to the infamous drug trafficking cartels that run billions of dollars in drugs through Mexico to the U.S. annually. Those who promote legalization of drugs such as marijuana are attempting to put the means of production and profit from such products, in the hands of the people. Surely it would be a bold move, but Mexico, like the rest of the U.S., is looking to Californians to lead the charge into comprehensive marijuana reform. Too bad Fox didn't adopt this pro-legalization stance when he was in office.

Fuck the Feds

So this morning the FBI took the largest single action it has ever taken against organized crime at one time. They arrested around 130 men in raids in New York, New Jersey and Rhode Island starting in the early hours of this morning, the NY Times reports. among those arrested were about 30 "made men" belonging to crime families in New York or New Jersey. The family targeted the most seems to be the Colombo crime family, whose entire leadership was rounded up and given steel bracelets.The charges against the group included five murders, along with a plethora of other charges including extortion, money-laundering, lone sharking etc. Normal mafioso stuff.

About 80 of the defendants are being charged in Brooklyn. Including members of all five New York families: Genovese, Gambino, Colombo, Luchese, and Bonnano. Plus the DeCavalcante family of New Jersey.

Look, I understand that now the fucking FBI and the DEA and everyone are going to be all "We've toppled organized crime" blah blah blah. Dude, the Mafia is just how Italians do business. You take out one family, another one rises up. Don't FBI agents watch the Godfather? You can never stop organized crime. As long as there are people who need loan-shark loans, or businesses to be extorted, there will be the Mafia. I mean the charges against these grease-balls go over 20 years back, and there are only five murders? It seems like the Mafia is being pretty quiet. I mean if terrorism is such a concern why aren't all these cops focusing on that? These are just Italian-Americans with alternative means of income. Fuck, if you go back 20 years you can probably find 5 murders committed by the Girl Scouts of America.

I'm just saying every time this happens, the FBI is like all we win we win. No you don't, you're just making arrests to make it look like you're doing your job. I'm sure these guys have the best lawyers, more than half will probably plead down or walk on the charges. So fuck you FBI for thinking you are cool for this shit. Wasting my tax money yet again.

Superbowl Tickets on the Cheap

NFL fans rejoice! According to Yahoo sports the NFL is selling a select group of tickets to fans for $200. The hitch? The tickets are to stand outside the stadium. Oh yeah, I shit you not. I guess it's called the "party plaza." So you pay $200 for a program scarf, and parking pass.

Woowee, that is some deal. Cowboy's season ticket-holders get the first crack at the tickets, and I say anyone who buys one should be legally considered insane. AND you have to buy them in blocks of four. Jesus this is stupid, and the NFL is really the marketing king of sports. This move is just to suck the morons in Texas for $200.

Here's the catch, these tickets will count toward the attendance total, so fucking Jerry Jones has a shot at setting a Superbowl attendance record. The current record is set by the Rose Bowl at 103,895 in 1980. Fuck Jerry Jones, I hope no one buys a single one of these bullshit tickets. But they will, if I've learned anything about America, there is always a sucker who'll take your shitty deal.

If you sit your ass at home and watch the game, the beer is $20 a case instead of $9 for a 12oz. You can do whatever the fuck you want AND you have $200 that you didn't spend to sit outside and wish you were one of the cool kids.

Skins: Is It Child Porn?

A new MTV Show 'Skins', the remake of a British hit about fucked up teenagers, is walking the thin line between raunchy and child pornography. MTV Execs have already told producers to tone down the show a bit, apparently in the third episode there is a depiction of a 17-year-old actor running down a street naked or some shit. The funniest part is that the American show is already a toned down version of the British one, which must be just ridiculous. Full story here.

The show features actors as young as 15 so the Execs are right to be worried. They don't want to be fucked by the long dick of the FCC. We will see if that fucking happens and the notoriously conservative FCC sodomizes them with fines.

Conservative parents groups like The Parent's Television Council are flipping the fuck out of course.

Look, this just exposes the prudeness of America compared to Europe. Yes, your teenagers are fucking. Yes, they're doing it while on ecstasy. Why not try like, telling them about condoms or something instead of just saying that they can't watch shit like this. I mean they are already doing all the stuff on the show.

James Newman, who plays Tony on the show, had this to say about it's content. "Things like this certainly happen [in real life]. I don't think they necessarily happen with the frequency that it happens on 'Skins,' but it's TV and we want it to be entertaining and it helps from a standpoint on sex and drugs."

Whether or not the show is good, at least it is bringing teenage debauchery to the table to be discussed. I mean even though of course no actual teenagers have sex or do drugs.

Thursday Throwbacks: De La Yes Please

Today's throwback is taking it to 1989. That's right, some pre 1990 shit. De La Soul. Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Jimmer Fredette: Beastly

Dude, Glens Falls native and NCAA leading scorer Jimmer Fredette is an animal. Look at this 30 footer he hit against TCU.

He is diesel, peep his 2010-2011 stats. He is killing it, and single-handedly making BYU sick. At least something good has come out of Glens Falls.

The Morality of Watching Your Daughter Get Whooped

Okay so a woman in Florida was arrested in September for encouraging her daughter in a fight with a classmate. The charge was originally felony child abuse, but is now reduced to a misdemeanor charge. April Newcomb can be seen and heard in videos of the fight. at the 2:38 mark, the parents of the two little MMA wannabe's can be seen talking technique or some bullshit. Newcomb is in the white shirt while the other girl's mom, Hilda Shields is in the gray.

You can see the full story and videos here. Sorry, fucking Smoking Gun won't allow their videos to be shared. Fascists.

Now Newcomb's daughter is the one in the gray who is getting her ass beat the entire time. I mean fuck, the other girl is circling and has her hands up, teach your little slut some technique lady. If you're going to get charged at least give her some constructive advice. So I think the charges were reduced out of pity for this mother and her daughter. If you're going to egg on a fight and yell at your daughter to hit her fucking body or whatever, she better fucking win. I mean come on, at certain points she is just getting pounded like a high school cheerleader. Have some kind of class or something, maybe attempt to end the fight instead of watching your kid get whooped in front of the whole school? But don't listen to me, your parenting seems spot on.

Boat Hilarity

Yeah man, who brings the boat in carefully and like, slowly? Not this motherfucker. This is like a Die Hard water to land maneuver. And probably how I would crash land this bitch. I don't know how to work a boat worth shit.

How Not To Dock A Boat

The reaction of the dude on land is priceless. He's all, yeah yeah bring it in, oh fuck. Eh he doesn't look dead. He saunters over casually to the boat as the dude face plants onto the beach. That's keeping your cool.

And You Thought You Had No Life

Okay so this 42-year-old researcher at Ohio State recreated the Buckeye's stadium out of LEGO's. Yeah, I know, ridiculous. It took him over 1,000 hours and fucking one million LEGO blocks. Jesus H. Christ I hope they didn't pay him the whole time. Full Story here.

Look at this shit, who cares this much about LEGO's? Even when I was in my LEGO prime at like 10 I only had the patience to build the Millennium Falcon. And that went from awesome to scrap in like 15 minutes.

This shit holds 6,000 LEGO people. Dude look at the fucking wall behind the dude. Like did you ever do anything in your existence besides play LEGO? What the fuck bro, he probably thinks this shit makes him look cool. But really, it's just embarrassing. Come on man, get laid or something.

Humpday Hotty: Aubrey O'Day

Ex Danity Kane member Aubrey O'Day is a toss-up Humpday Hotty. She's blond, with fake tits to boot. But apparently she got dropped from the group,run by P. Diddy, for being a filthy whore. And you know I like to mix up the respectable hotty's with some pure gutter trash. Oh and she's done Playboy, so you guys get full titties. You're welcome. And the last one I had to include, she looks so comfortable in her natural position.