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Thursday, March 31, 2011

NYC is like Two Years Behind Boston

So apparently women in New York City didn't hear all the shit about the Craigslist Killer in Boston a few years back.

From the NY Daily News:
Jeffrey Gray, who avoided arrest for two weeks by checking himself into a veterans' hospital, was jailed Thursday on charges of kidnapping, rape, false imprisonment and assault.

The elected planning board member attacked the 34-year-old victim after responding to her craigslist ad, where she was seeking a new home in New England, authorities charged.

Gray, 48, convinced the woman to visit his rented Windham, N.H., home on March 5. Police said she was instead taken captive, raped and held for three days before Gray drove her to Boston's Logan International Airport.

Alright, well I guess everyone slept on the Craigslist Killer in New York City. Remember? He lured massage hoes and killed them in Boston? Apparently some people didn't get the memo that if you're a woman, you probably shouldn't meet anyone you contact via Craigslist alone. You're just asking for trouble.

This woman is just lucky that this fucking moron decided to stop holding her captive and raping her to drop her at Logan. I swear to christ criminals are the dumbest people ever. "Sure, you promise you won't tell if I take you to Logan right? Okay I believe you woman I've been raping and holding in a dog kennel." How'd that work for you brosef? Jesus, where do they get this boondock psychopaths?

Dominique Wilkins Post-Game Throwdown

So last night after the Atlanta Hawks game wrapped up, former player and current Hawks VP Dominique Wilkins was attacked by Rashan Michel, a former NBA ref. Rashan's mug shot looks like he caught the worse end of the altercation.

Oh what up Rashan?

From AJC:

Rashan S. Michel -- who allegedly punched Wilkins after the Hawks-Magic game because, he said, Wilkins owed him money -- tweeted, "I call what happened at Philips Arena earlier, Operation Repo...next time have my money!"
Michel, 36, was arrested and charged with one count of simple battery following the incident. Michel was released from the Fulton County Jail on $1,000 bond early Thursday.
Michel, who told police he was owed money for suits purchased several years ago, hit Wilkins in the chest and also hit a security guard, said Officer Kim Jones, an Atlanta police spokeswoman. Michel, of Atlanta, has worked as an NBA and college basketball referee and previously owned his own clothing company.
In another tweet, this one addressed to Wilkins' Twitter account (DWilkins21), Michel wrote "pay your debts, poser."

Who's gunna mess with this boss?

Only at an Atlanta Hawks game would the team VP get knocked at the end of the game for a debt he owes for suits. Only in Atlanta.

Sign This Fucker Up!

Alright so the always exciting Norway's Got Talent Show has a ten-year-old just tearing up the dance floor like Usher. For serious, this kid is nuts.

The cut-away's to that fucking dude judge are hilarious. I feel like he's trying to repress his pedophile thoughts. "I will not fuck this 10-year-old, I will not fuck this 10-year-old."

This is More Exciting Than Opening Day

So today is MLB's opening day. But my question is, who the fuck cares? Baseball doesn't become relevant until late August at the earliest. I'd say this king of redneck shit is more exciting than Opening Day.


And the toothless go wild!


From Huffington Post:
A man plunged to his death after police say he crashed through a window at an arena on the campus of the University of Pittsburgh during a concert.
The Allegheny County medical examiner's office identified the man as 19-year-old Joseph Kimutis, of McDonald. He had been rushed to a hospital after smashing through a window at the Peterson Events Center and falling about 30 feet on Wednesday night.
Pittsburgh police are checking on a report that Kimutis got down in a football stance, yelled "hike," and then charged toward the window.
Police Lt. Daniel Herrmann said Kimutis was reportedly "a little out of it." Toxicology reports are pending.
Kimutis' death happened during a concert by Furthur, a band that includes two former Grateful Dead members.

Dude how about the police Lt. saying this guy was "a little out of it." A little?! He fucking thought he was playing defensive end and the window was a quarterback. Seems like he was more like "on another planet fucked up" to me.

It all makes sense though, the band had two members of the Grateful Dead in it? Duh! What happens when the Grateful Dead are involved? People get fucked out of their minds and do beyond retarded shit. It never fails. Maybe Pitt should invest in some LSD-proof windows.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Jersey Shore Killed the Real World

Alright so Jersey Shore is over and now a new season of the Real World is starting. I watched the first two episodes and I have decided, on my own, that the Jersey Shore kills the Real World. There are many reasons.

First of all, only one dude apparently drinks on this season. Everyone else just sits around and doesn't go out and get drunk. And he does drink at the Jersey Shore level. But then everyone in the house bitches him out for being wasted and getting escorted from clubs? On Jersey Shore they are all professional drinkers except Sammie but who gives a fuck.

Shits weak
So anyway this Adam guy (the drinking guy) is probably going to be the entire season. He'll get shitfaced and do stupid shit and everyone else will tweak. But the beauty of the Jersey Shore is that they all do that shit, and every single night no less.
This dudes got the Real World on his back
See the thing that MTV doesn't get is the Real World is 90's entertainment. In 2011 stupid Americans just want to watch idiots go out and get fucked up and be ridiculous. We don't want like people to connect on some level and like blend cultures or whatever. We don't want to hear about your bi-polar mom.

We want tee shirt time and "cabs are here" and all that shit.

We'll outdrink the Real World any day
Everyone on the Real World is like worried about their job and think that this Adam dude is going to get them kicked out of the hotel or some bullshit. Are you serious? The Hard Rock is probably providing the cast with whores nightly. They love publicity. If you brought the Jersey Shore to Vegas, imagine the shit show that would ensue. That's what America wants. Drunk hoes and juiceheads and stupidity all-around.

All I'm saying is the Jersey Shore beats the piss out of the Real World. Watch both and tell me I'm wrong.

Kappa Sigma at USC, The Hits Keep Coming

So earlier this month a story came out about the Kappa Sigma frat at USC calling women "targets" and such. Of course I was all over that shit.

Well Kappa Sigma at USC can't catch a break. Now one of their members has been suspended for banging some chick on a roof at USC.

From the NY Daily News:
The all-too public sex act atop Waite Phillips Hall at the University of Southern California was captured in a series of photos that spread around the campus this weekend, then on the Internet.
The male student was suspended from his fraternity, Kappa Sigma, and could face similar punishment from the school.

The woman involved does not attend USC.
"While the actions that were taken did involve a member of our chapter we, in no way, support this kind of behavior," Zach Timm, president of USC's Kappa Sigma, said in a statement.
"The member in question has been suspended from Kappa Sigma for conduct unbecoming of a Kappa Sigma and a gentleman until a more detailed investigation can be conducted."

USC refused to comment on what actions it may take concerning the student, citing privacy concerns. It did say, however, that his behavior was "a violation of our code of conduct and of our most basic community standards."

"To say that we are disappointed in this type of behavior does not begin to capture the seriousness with which we regard this type of activity," Denzil J. Suite., USC's associate vice president for student affairs, told the LA Weekly.
He also noted that access to the roof was restricted and going up there was a violation of university policies.

Alright fucking on a roof at your college is epic and awesome, fuck it if your frat doesn't appreciate it. But who the fuck was just randomly looking up at the 12-story roof and decieded to start snapping some pics?

You're on candid camera
I mean USC should be investigating their film department. Apparently those kids don't have anything better to do than watch a frat dude bang his broad on a roof. There is a serious peeping-Tom on the loose at USC, and frankly I'm alarmed.

Why Don't People Cooperate With Cops?

Alright now I don't have much love for law enforcement, but rule #1 of dealing with cops. When they are cuffing you, don't resist. They could counter with anything between elbowing you in the ribs to a full-on Rodney King beatdown. This bitch is lucky she was on a beach, if that was concrete she woulda been broken.

Kinda sad how she couldn't even get to the water and freedom. Oh well. Just another day in Miami.

Luckiest Fisherman Ever

Alright so imagine this. You're a moron from Texas going into the Gulf to catch you some Red Snapper. And then a fucking 8-foot Mako shark jumps into your fucking boat. For realz.

From the NY Daily News:
Fisherman Jason Kresse used no bait to make the catch of a lifetime: An 8-foot mako shark that simply jumped into the back of his boat.
Kresse, of Freeport, Texas, was hoping to land some red snapper in the Gulf of Mexico when he set out early Monday.
He and two crew members were spreading chum on the water when they suddenly attracted a much bigger fish: The 375-pound shark.
"All of a sudden something hit the side of the boat," Kresse recounted. "He ends up landing on the back of the boat."
The shark began thrashing there, with Kresse and the crew unable to get the fish back into the gulf. Hours later, after damaging the boat, the shark finally died.
Once back at shore, Kresse needed a forklift to get the trophy fish off his boat. It's currently on display at a seafood business in his town, but Kresse intends to permanently memorialize his catch.
"I'm going to get a mount of it," said Kresse. "A fish jumping in your boat, 400 pounds, that's unbelievable."

Dude, this is how fucked up the water in the Gulf is from that BP shit. Sharks are just jumping into fucking boats because chilling in a boat and dying is better than lurking in a bunch of oil. These dudes actually made fishing lazier. Just drink some brews, change your shorts and watch the huge fucking Mako slither on your boat for a couple hours til it dies. Easy squeezey.

Yeah tell me he didn't shit his pants

Drunk Dialing The Lost Art

We've all received them, we've all made them. They are embarrassing and usually regrettable. They are...drunk dials. And this one is fucking hilarious.

Oh Ryan, you must be a true player for real. This girl is smitten by your love for Yo-Yo's and your shirt. That's when you know you're a pimp. You meet a chick, give her the digits and three hours later in between bouts of vomiting she drops you a classic drunk dial. Cheers to you Ryan, you are a true pimp.

Humpday Hotty: Adriana Lima

And Boom goes the dynamite. No more messing around with bench-warmer hotties, I'm going straight to the big leagues. Victoria Secret's hottest model, Adriana Lima. Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sasha Grey, NOT Intellectual

So I'm surfing the net for smut and I find an article about Sasha Grey. The useless porn star cum dumpster that thought she became legit because she went on Entourage.

From The Daily Beast:
The 23-year-old has since starred in 224 adult films, directing two, with The New York Times describing her porn career as “distinguished both by the extremity of what she is willing to do and an unusual degree of intellectual seriousness about doing it.”

Do people really think that this little slut was performing "performance art" when her first movie was a gangbang? Do porn stars get this kind of cred? The New York fucking Times calling her a serious intellectual? Dude this chick would fuck a donkey for enough cash. It's called a whore.

The interview continues...

I read that your first porn scene was an orgy with the infamously hung and aggressive porn star Rocco Siffredi. That’s really diving head-first into the industry. But it also makes me think that perhaps your entire porn career was, as you put it, an act of “performance art.” 

Sasha: That’s the way I approached it, whether or not people agree with that. For me, it was a way of examining myself and examining the human condition, and projecting those things to my audience using my body as the tool, as the canvas. But it’s funny you say that, because for the first year, I thought, “Wow. It’s crazy that that was my first scene.” But when I thought about it more, I realized, “You know, it’s actually easier. I was around eight professionals and the attention wasn’t just on me.” You’re being able to test the waters, while also jumping right in.

I refuse to accept this. This girl got gangfucked like Pam Anderson on E and acts like it is art or something. Bitch you got boned for like 20k. That's called porn. Not Art. I'm not saying don't give the girl a chance to be a real actress, but don't call career of deepthroating and getting ass-pounded by dicks as art. She's not fooling me. Whore.

Is This Real Life?

Alright, I don't know the context of this thing. It looks like some enterpreneur conference. There are dudes with suits and shit. And this chick gets up there and throws out this ridiculous idea, and uses notebook paper for her powerpoint? Is this real life? What is happening?


Wait wait wait. You need 500k for this bullshit? "Crystals to bless the air?" Is she high? I figured at the end she'd be like this will be the easiest scam ever, give me a hundred bucks for jars and labels. But half a mil? I feel like I'm drunk on stupid right now.


By the way props to the dude sitting to her left looking all fly and shit and poorly attempting to not laugh. I would have been rolling.

The Dude is My Hero

So a TMZ camera dude got Jeff Bridges leaving dinner last night and in true Dude fashion, he stopped to chat with the photographer about military school, bowling, and life. There are 3 videos on TMZ, they are short though. Enjoy them here.

Long live the Dude.

My Bullshit-ometer Just Broke

So apparently everyone is freaking the fuck out about some mod for Half Life 2 called School Shooter: North American Tour 2012. What's it about? You guessed it, going on a school killing spree.

From Huffington Post:

The object of School Shooter: North American Tour 2012, a Source modification of Half-Life 2, is to murder as many defenseless students, teachers and members of staff as possible. To do so, the player uses weapons based on those used by the likes of Columbine shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. After completing the spree, the player is encouraged to commit suicide before being captured by law enforcement officials.
Game developer Jaime Lombe (aka Pawnstick) told Escapist Magazine that he created the game because other school shooting games just weren't that much fun. "Nobody has ever tried create a proper game about a school shooting," he said, adding that he was not particularly moved by the tragedy at Columbine. "The way the news victimized the victims and overplayed the evil of the shooters disgusted me more than the actual shootings themselves." 

In response to the game, the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors released a statement (PDF) decrying "the development and marketing of video games that present such video activities as 'fun'." The statement continued: "As campus mental health professionals who first hand experience the tragedy and devastation that occurs in the aftermath of campus violence, AUCCCD believes the production of such products is most deplorable and unfortunate." 

In a statement, Scott Reismanis, founder of the game's source site ModDB, said that he removed the game due to pressure from critics.
Lombe said that the game will be released despite the setback.

Some news coverage of the game:

Alright let me start by saying I don't condone these games. That being said, have any of these critics played Grand Theft Auto? I mean you can go on ridiculous senior-citizen beating sprees and set people on fire and do all sorta of crazy shit. You can partake in drug trafficking and heroin deals. But heroin dealers don't have lobby groups, so no one bitches about GTA except Hillary Clinton circa 1998. It was the same thing for the GTA Hot Coffee Mod which let you control a porno basically.

Remember good old Hot Coffee?

These games are no worse than Grand Theft Auto or any game like it. Fuckin' a in GTA you can drunk drive fuck and kill anyone you want. Does that mean people who play it drink and drive and fuck and kill people more often than people who don't? Doubtful. I just hate when people bitch about one single video game, either they are all okay or they aren't. Make up your fucking minds.

Monday, March 28, 2011

This is Classic

Don't know why, don't know what this dude wants to accomplish. But it made me laugh and assured me of yet another person in the world I am smarter than. Thank you sir.

Got a Cold? Get a Script!

So here's your meth lesson for the day. Producing meth requires pseudoephedrine, which is an ingredient found in many cold medicines like Sudafed. So now lawmakers in Tennessee are looking at requiring prescriptions for fucking cold medicine.

From the NY Times:

“We can’t change lives just to stop these weirdo people,” said Joy Krieger, executive director of the St. Louis chapter of the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, who is is fighting a prescription-only bill in Missouri. 

Officials like Mr. Farmer say drug companies only want to protect the profits they reap from over-the-counter pseudoephedrine sales, estimated at more than $550 million a year. But the industry’s argument to legislators — that law-abiding citizens should not have to pay for a doctor’s visit for a mere stuffy nose — has proved potent. Prescription-only bills were defeated or failed to make it to a vote this month in Arkansas, Kansas, Kentucky and West Virginia after heavy lobbying by the ’Consumer Healthcare Products Association, a trade group representing makers of over-the-counter drugs. Similar bills are still alive in Alabama, Missouri, Nevada, Tennessee, Oklahoma and several other states. 

Two states, Oregon and Mississippi, already require prescriptions for pseudoephedrine; law enforcement officials there say meth lab seizures have plummeted since the laws were passed. In Mississippi, which adopted a prescription-only law last year, the authorities say meth lab seizures have dropped by nearly 70 percent. 

I smell bullshit. I can't believe people are considering this. First, making people go to a doctor and say they have a cold so they need a prescription is bullshit. And then if we've learned anything about the war on drugs, the meth cookers are going to find another ingredient to replace pseudoephedrine. It's just how it works. They'll just fucking throwing some bath salts into the meth instead. And also it is pretty easy to get a doctor's prescription pad if you really want one. I'm just saying.

tastes like meth!

Italians Hate Jersey Shore, Of Course?

Alright so apparently to warm up Italians to the fact that the hit MTV show the Jersey Shore is shooting in Italy previous episodes of the show are beginning to hit the TV screens of Italians. And lo and behold, the Italians are pissed.

From Huffington Post:
The self-styled guidos and guidettes of "Jersey Shore" are headed to Italy, but they may not receive much of a warm welcome.

The hit MTV reality show, which features larger than life characters such as The Situation and Snooki, hard-partying twenty somethings proud of their mostly Italian genealogical and cultural heritage, has finally hit airwaves in Italy. And it's being met with outrage.

Roberto Del Bove, a columnist for a newspaper Rome, wrote that the show's stars "embody the worst stereotypes of Italians, multiplied by thousands and Americanized," according to the NY Post. A number of other columnists and editorials have slammed the show, as have viewers speaking out over the internet.

The show received heavy criticism when it first came out in the United States in 2009; a national Italian-American organization, UNICO, called it "trash television."
The show's cast will head to Italy to film the fourth season, which reignited UNICO's anger. In January, they said, "People used to go to the circus to see the freak show – that is what this will be... It will not only hurt Italians but all Americans … their outrageous, reprehensible behavior will make us look like buffoons and bimbos."

I fucking hope MTV saw this coming. Like let's take the most insulting, stereotypical morons who think they are awesome and parade them in front of the culture they are helping to destroy. Seems like that'll go over well right MTV? Wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if the Italian police stop the cast at the airport and either send them back to New Jersey on the first thing with wings, or kill them. I'm voting for the former because I'm not Italian and love watching morons destroy an entire heritage just for shits and their 15 minutes of fame.

Excellent representation of Italian culture, bro

But seriously, there is no possible way MTV thinks this little of Italians right? I mean it's like a black guy saying he's Irish on St. Patties Day or something. Maybe there will be a mafia hit at some point. That's just good TV.

Can't Pay the Bills? Be a Sex Worker!

So I came across this article from 34th Street Magazine about how all the tuition increases from recent years are driving college students into the "sex industry". In other words, strippers, whores, "foot fetish" models, etc. Anything where you get paid by lonely old men to walk on them barefoot or give them a rim job is included.

Here's a little snippet, the piece is long. It's funny and disturbing though, the perfect mix.

From 34th Street:
Susan gets paid a base rate of $20 for a five–minute lap dance. For anything else that men request during these private sessions, she says, the price is negotiable. Typically, that “anything else” refers to the opportunity to massage, lick or suck her feet. Often, she is asked to put her feet in a man’s face or walk on his chest.

Still, it’s the more unique requests that Susan finds most interesting.
“Last night, this one guy…” she grins and shakes her head. “He brings a mirror with him and has me pretend that I’m Regina George from Mean Girls. And so I have to stand there and say ‘I’m so pretty’ and act like a snotty sorority bitch, while he rolls on the floor and has me choke him with my feet.”

Jesus man, this shit is heavy. I mean I understand there are plenty of weirdo old dudes who like girls strangling them with their feet while they beat off or something. But Mean Girls skits? That's fucking bizarre.

Oh yeah, walk on me with those puppies
And look, honestly I respect women who strip. They may have no souls and daddy issues a mile long, but they don't always fuck for cash. This bitch takes weirdos into some private room and does who knows what to them with her feet. I'm sure a quick footskie is the good news.

Steve-O Arrested Eh?

Is there anything shittier than getting arrested on an 8-year-old warrant? Nope. You forgot about the incident, and were just hoping the cops would too. Think again Steve-O.

From TMZ:
Law enforcement sources confirm ... Steve-O was stopped by customs when he got off an airplane at Calgary International Airport ... when officials noticed there was an outstanding warrant out for his arrest.

We're told the warrant was issued back in 2003 -- for an incident in which Steve-O allegedly attacked somebody with an unknown object. So far, the identity of the victim is unclear.

Steve-O was placed behind bars for a short while -- before going in front of a judge. He was eventually released on $10,000 Canadian ($10,216.60 U.S.) bail ... which the actor had to pay IN CASH.

Steve-O is due back in court in May. 

Wait, what the fuck. He attacked someone with an "unknown object"?  That seems like a pretty big hole in the story. Like was it a 10 inch knife or a black dildo? It seems like a glaring hole in the police's case. I wouldn't put it past that crazy fuck to smack someone with a crack pipe or something. Just fucking stupid. Canadians don't play that shit bro.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Fuck It

Alright I'm all sorts of fucked up today so I'm finishing work early, yeah fuck you you're doing the same thing asshole.

Anyway I'll you guys with my main man Mr Chi City letting you know how to make a woman feel comfortable at your crib.

Teen Mom Star: Keepin' it Classy

Dude I don't know shit about Teen Mom or whatever the show is called. But this bitch can fight. That's just good parenting.
And of course TMZ are video fascists so you gotta see the video here.

From TMZ:
19-year-old Jenelle is clearly the instigator -- spewing all sorts of nasty insults at a woman named Britany ... before the reality star suddenly socks the other woman in the face with a closed fist.

The two women tussle to the ground ... where Jenelle continues to pummel Britany ... even AFTER it's clear she can no longer defend herself.

With Britany bleeding from her face, one of Jenelle's scumbag friends pulls the reality star off the other woman ... while Janelle continues to drop verbal insults. 

I love the sight of a catfight on a Friday. Looks like victory.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Get the Cock Outta Your Mouth Bro

Nice going Mark McAllister. Way to just crush all those numbers and words with authority.


Best newscast since "Boom goers the dynamite." Just pure internet fodder and nothing else. I hope this dude keeps his job so he can entertain the masses forever.

Captain America Trailer

Captain America: The First Avenger - Watch more Movie Trailers

I don't know what to think about this movie. I mean I don't read comics and shit but Captain America is pretty fucking badass in a sort of lame way. Whatever, not worth my ten bones for the theater, but I'll Redbox the shit outta that.

South Dakota Hates Abortion, And Women's Rights

So there are always crazy anti-abortion laws being thrown around all over the country. But the latest anti-abortion legislation in South Dakota is over the top.

from The Daily Beast:
The law, HB1217, requires women seeking abortions to first have a private consultation at a crisis pregnancy center, or CPC. Such centers are religious outfits that mimic the look of women’s health clinics, often deliberately imitating their logos and signage, but which exist solely to convince women not to abort...

CPCs are usually staffed by volunteers with no medical training, though they often wear scrubs or white lab coats in order to look authoritative. They offer free pregnancy tests, but are known for withholding the results until women listen to antiabortion lectures or watch antiabortion videos. Frequently, they give women false information about the risks of abortion. The website of the Alpha Center, a leading CPC in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, says that abortion increases risks for breast cancer, infertility, and depression, all claims that mainstream researchers refute.

According to the American Psychological Association, for example, “The best scientific evidence published indicates that among adult women who have an unplanned pregnancy, the relative risk of mental-health problems is no greater if they have a single elective first-trimester abortion than if they deliver that pregnancy.” But Allen Unruh, a chiropractor who cofounded the Alpha Center with his wife, Leslee, insists that the APA is purposefully spreading misinformation. “They refuse to publish the studies that have been done, because they don’t comport with their worldview,” he says. South Dakota’s government is thus directing women to centers that treat mainstream medical opinion as a liberal conspiracy.

Over the years, CPC misdeeds have been well documented. In 1991, then-Congressman Ron Wyden held hearings into their deceptive tactics, concluding they “hold out that they are health clinics, but when the women get there, there are no medical professionals. A very strident, very aggressive antiabortion campaign is what they get.” This month, New York City passed a law requiring such centers to disclose what services they do and do not provide, and to tell women whether they have a licensed medical provider on site 

Alright I know I put up a huge section of the article. But this one is for the ladies. Shit like this gets me so heated. What it comes down to is a state enforcing a law which forces women to be exposed to a "conservative" (religious) point of view on abortion. It is called fucking bullshit. Like do pro-lifers think that planned parenthood is just a couple hippies with a coat-hanger aborting fetuses all day for shits and giggles? Like there is actually some serious medical shit going on, unlike the CPC clinics which just guilt the shit out of emotionally vulnerable pregnant women. I'm sure they just show you slide shows of dead gross fetuses and are like "oh and by the way, did I mention Jesus will hate you if you continue through with the abortion?"

Isn't there separation of church and state in this country? Like what the fuck is going on? Fucking religious nuts. If I was a girl and had to go through that shit I'd sit there and be like "I'm aborting because a priest raped me in the name of Jesus, so go fuck yourself you self-righteous child-molesting piece of ignorant donkey shit."

In Ohio Middle Schools You Get Shanked

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Whoopi Recieved Oscar Blazed

So who gives a fuck about Whoopi Goldberg anymore, I sure as shit don't, but TMZ has obtained a video of her admitting that when she won her Oscar in 1991, she had smoked a fat joint beforehand and made her acceptance speech ripped as anything. Now this isn't groundbreaking, I'm sure if they drug tested award recipients at awards shows you'd be shocked at all the types of shit actors are on when they make their heartfelt speeches. But the fact that she admits it is awesome.

I'm high as fuck!

Her description of receiving the award high as shit is hilarious.

From TMZ: 
An unabashed Whoopi dropped the bombshell during a voice-over recording session for the movie, "The Pagemaster" back in 1992.

Whoopi explained how she smoked a "wonderful joint" to help calm her nerves before winning the Best Supporting Actress award for "Ghost" ... and was so high during the award show, she had to mentally coach herself on to the stage. 
After the Oscars, Goldberg says she got a call from her mother -- who could tell Whoopi had smoked weed because of her "glistening eyes."

TMZ won't let me imbed the video because they are fascists, so here's the link to the hilarious video.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How Shitty Are Drug Dogs

A recent High Times article looks into the effectiveness of drug-sniffing dogs and how often they are wrong. The police obviously would have everyone believe police dogs are perfect, but if you've ever owned a dog you know that even if they seem smart sometimes, there is always that dumb-as-shit dog thing in the back of your mind. Sometimes they just act retarded. Apparently police dogs are the same.

From High Times:
A recent study conducted by the Chicago Tribune analyzed three years of data from police departments in the suburbs of Chicago and found that just 44% of dog alerts resulted in the discovery of drugs or paraphernalia, and that the average false alert resulted in a stop lasting almost a half hour. The numbers are even more staggering for Hispanics drivers – the success rate was a mere 27%. Even accounting for alerts triggered by drug residue, the numbers suggest that the dogs are either being poorly trained or are responding to cues from their handlers like leading them too many times or too slowly around a vehicle. 

I fucking knew it. You always see cops like pointing the dogs into the car or very slowly walking them around the car. A dog is a stupid animal, but they know what the rewards for success are. So of course they get shit wrong. I think it's fucking bullshit that a dog signaling it smells something in your car is probable cause for a search. Especially since the dogs suck dick at their jobs. 44% of alerts result in actually finding drugs? 27% with Hispanic drivers? That is fucking horrible.

Fucking asshole cops

The article continues:
A study conducted by researchers at the University of California at Davis and published in January states unequivocally that “handler beliefs affect scent detection dog outcomes,” and that detector dogs are cued by their handlers 85% of the time.

Fuck the fucking police. They call the dogs, and then they signal the dog to signal them, and you're fucked. It leads to like a 45 minute search of your car, and if you have anything illegal, you are boned. If not you still feel like a criminal while they ransack your car. Such bullshit.

Chad Ochocinco MLS Player?

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NFL Rules Changes

So the NFL threw up a big middle finger this week to bad-ass kick returners like DeSean Jackson and Josh Cribbs.

From Bleacher Report:
Kickoffs will now be taken from the 35-yard line instead of the 30. Doesn't seem like much? Look at it this way: Just about every NFL kicker can nail a kickoff 70 yards (the old requirement to reach the end zone line), but only a select few can consistently kick it 75 or 80 yards.
This means that in the past, the kickers who could barely reach the end zone were taught to put more hang time on their kicks and place them in the corners, thus reducing the distance of their kicks. Now, those same guys will be able to put their kicks five yards deep with average or worse hang time. What return man is going to take the ball from five yards deep with guys sprinting at him from five yards closer than last year?

So there go fuckin' sick kick returns. Look, I'm not an animal, but I don't think the NFL is bloodsport. Considering how crazy kick-off situations, not many players get injured during them. And I respect the NFL for trying to protect players, but dude, it's still football and you can't make it safe. Maybe instead of making it safe you should provide adequate health insurance to players. Fucking Roger Goodell is pussifying the NFL.

Weirdest Couple Ever?

So I've been hearing about this Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent thing going on.

You can do better fifty

From Huffington Post:
50 Cent and Chelsea Handler never confirmed a romantic relationship, but they were spotted together several times and tweeted a teasing pic from bed.
Now 50 explains Chelsea's sex appeal to Vibe without confirming they are an item:
"Chelsea is confident. I think confidence is the sexiest thing about a person. She's the kind of person that if you're blessed with the opportunity to hang out with her, you'll enjoy it. I'm not sure you'll look at her and actually want to jump over the table and fuck her, but you might. You would leave after talking with her feeling that she is a cool person."
Chelsea was also indirect when Glamour asked her about 50 in December.
"He came to my show in New Orleans with 15 people, and they take a photo of us and assume that we're a couple," she said. "But he's really cute, and I have to be honest, there's a good chance that I will end up hooking up with a rapper at some point."

The 50 quote confuses me. I mean like what self respecting rapper admits that you wouldn't want to jump his bitches bones? Dude, have some self respect. She might not be hot, but defend your women.

Like I mean she's kind of cute I guess. In like some weird way, but she doesn't appeal to me. I can't put my finger on whats fucked up about her, but she's just not attractive.

My other problem is she isn't funny. I need to be with a chick who is funny. Chelsea Handler tries so hard to be funny it hurts me. I've only watched about 7.2 seconds of her dumbass show and it sucks. You can do better 50. And I'm not sure why this is up for debate now, she admits in her quote that she is "going to" in other words she has, fucked a rapper.

Dez Bryant's Saggin' Pants

Dude, this is some real shit. I couldn't believe this story. How is it not going to come out that the cops who ejected Dez Bryant and his friends from a shopping mall in Dallas aren't KKK members?

From ESPN:
Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant was ejected from an upscale Dallas shopping mall and given a criminal trespass warning from off-duty police officers Saturday after a dispute over the sagging pants worn by him and some companions.

A Tuesday police statement says Bryant and three companions were involved in an incident at NorthPark Center where security asked them to pull their pants up because their underwear was showing.

It gets better.

Bryant has a history of problems at the mall, according to the police report, including an incident at a store where police had to intervene after the wide receiver cut in line and a parking citation for parking in the fire lane. Bryant was also involved in a "major disturbance" at one of the mall's restaurants with an unknown woman. Police were called, but both Bryant and the woman were gone before they arrived.

Is the NorthPark mall just after Dez? I mean talk about fucking haters. He cut in line and the cops intervened? What the fucking fuck is that about? Who calls the 5-0 when an NFL wideout cuts you in line? And it's in DALLAS. He's your hometown boy. Turst me if Wes Walker wanted to cut me in line at Dick's, I would be honored, that little fucker is a beast. I think there are some racist mall cops over there in NorthPark Center.

Pull ya pants up Dez

And another thing, since when do malls have a fucking dress code? Is this some kind of fancy mall? That seems like an oxy fucking moron to me. Every scrub known to man lurks around malls on Saturdays, so the NFL guy can't rock his pants low? Something doesn't seem right about this story, I just don't know what.

UConn Bus Kills Student

So last night a UConn bus ran over and killed a student from Massachusetts.

From Huffington Post:
STORRS, Conn. — A University of Connecticut shuttle bus has run over and killed a student from Massachusetts.

UConn police say the bus struck the student Tuesday night at an intersection on the campus in Storrs, 25 miles east of Hartford.

A witness called campus police, who arrived with campus firefighters and gave first aid to the student. Paramedics were called because of the severity of the student's injuries but couldn't save him.
UConn police say a medical examiner will determine the cause of the student's death.

The police have been interviewing people who saw the accident. They say no charges have been filed.

UConn police have identified the student as 20-year-old David N. Plamondon. They say he was from Westminster, Mass., and was a UConn student living off campus.

Jesus Christ, how fast can a bus be going on campus where it just flat out smashed a kid? The fuck is going on UConn bus drivers? This is some weird shit. I guarantee it comes out that either the student was drunk and like ran in front of the speeding bus, or the bus driver was wasted and just trying to nail kids for fun. Either way, it's fucked.

Humpday Hotty: Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger is the head slut of the Pussycat Dolls, or she used to be at least. I'm pretty sure the rest of the PCD crew are either in jail for soliciting or rehab. Whatever, the sexy one stands alone. Personally I think she looks like Kim Kardashian, but better. She dances, she sings (kinda). Much sexier than Kim, sorry Reggie.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Get Me a Red Panda Cub

Look at these little fuckers. They are so damn cute I just want to fly to China and snag me a couple and let them play all the time. I mean really, this is just too much. Fucking cutest animal babies ever.


Epic Meal Time

In case you haven't heard of them, Epic Meal Time is taking Youtube by storm. Their channel is here.

 It's a simple concept, they get shitfaced and cook crazy ridiculous food and dig in. Simple and genius.

Here's this weeks installment.


Rebecca Black, The Jokes on Us

So over the last few weeks everyone has been ripping on the new song by Rebecca Black called "Black Friday," including yours truly.

Fucking genius slut

Well apparently the joke is on us, according to Forbes, Black has made a cool million bucks off the song.

From Guyism:
Black has made:
-About $20,000 for being a YouTube partner with a video clocking 30,000,000 views (she should get 68% of approximately $1 per 1,000 views, according to 2010 YouTube earnings reports);
-Around $0.70 per download of “Friday” on iTunes. Expectations are that the song has been downloaded on the music service anywhere from 200,000 to 2,000,000 times (the latter would put Black at an earnout of about $1.4 million).

Plus there may be licensing and endorsement opportunities (ill-advised though they may be). So even with splitting some of this check with the creeps over at Ark Music Factory, Black is definitely doing well for herself. A week of notoriety and shame for a cool mil? That’s a deal worth taking.

Jesus, what is this world coming to?  That little talentless bitch made a million dollars off that shitty piece of donkey-ass song. This just proves that although everyone on the internet is mocking her, any press is good press. Rebecca is just raking in the dough laughing at the haters. I respect people who make money off no talent, because I'm trying to do the same, so I never thought I'd say this, but Rebecca Black is a boss. She's blind to the haters.

I'll admit hearing about her stacking all this dough from a retarded song makes me sort of love Rebecca Black. She is just giving the people what they want, something to hate, and laughing all the way to the bank.

Phantogram from SXSW

Yeah so SXSW this year was a general mess. Bam Margera got knocked out, people got tasered all over the place, but at least Saratoga band Phantogram killed it.

Doing big things people, peep Phantogram on Myspace here.

And here is Running from the Cops, one of my favorites. The quality kinda blows but go fuck yourself.

How Bad Are the Knicks

Hey Knicks fans, go fuck yourselves. Did you watch your team collapse last night? Yeah that's fucking right I hope you turned that shit off. The Celtics ended up winning 96-86 after outscoring the Knicks 33 to 17 in the fourth quarter. The Knicks folded up like a fucking chair. Box score here.

I'd be pissed too if I was a shit coach

Dude, the Knicks were about to run away with the fucking game, playing physical as hell and looking diesel, then they just fucked up. I'm a Knicks hater, I'll admit, but this is what Melo got you. Not much. Your coach sucks, your team plays no defense, you are fucked. So you bitches in the playoffs. Scrubs.

Don't Fuck With Granny

Jesus Christ, you thought dealing with young girls is bad.

According to The Smoking Gun, 92-year-old Helen Staudinger fired shots into a man's home after he wouldn't kiss her.

You know you'd hit it
From The Smoking Gun:

Investigators allege that Staudinger went next door to speak with Dwight Bettner, but her 53-year-old neighbor asked her to leave. In an interview with a sheriff’s deputy, Staudinger said she told Bettner that she would not leave unless he gave her a kiss.
Bettner declined, which triggered an argument between the Fort McCoy residents.
That is when an incensed Staudinger returned to her home, got her gun, and allegedly fired into Bettner’s residence. Bettner, who was hit by flying debris, was not seriously injured by the gunfire.

I guess crazy broads are crazy for life. Like what the fuck is wrong with this woman? Jesus man, not getting a kiss so you load up and start popping off like it's fucking Compton. This woman is an OG. She probably taught Snoop how to gang bang. Shit is fucked up.  You thought broads were crazy in their 20's. Try not kissing a 92-year-old. I'd have a vest on first.