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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Humpday Hotty: Charlize Theron

Jesus what an oversight this is, I haven't done Charlize Theron as a humpday hotty? It's a fucking travesty. Well, I'll try and make up for leaving her off the Wednesday lineup. Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Madonna puts Deadmau5 in its place

From TMZ:
Madonna says DeadMau5 is DeadWrong ... claiming she was NOT promoting drug use at a concert in Florida ... despite allegations she used her stage time to glamorize the drug ecstasy.

Deadmau5 -- one of the most famous DJs in the world -- had attacked Madonna as a "f**king idiot" for asking the crowd at the Ultra Music Festival if anyone has "seen Molly" -- Molly is a slang term for the active ingredient in ecstasy.

Now, Madge is lashing back ... with a pair of mouse ears.

The Material Girl posted a photo of herself in Mickey Mouse gear ... with the caption, "From one mouse to another I dont support drug use and i never have. I was referring to the song called "Have You Seen Molly" written by my friend Cedric Gervais who I almost worked with on my album."

Deadmau5 saw the tweet and replied ... saying, "Fair enough, I was just voicing my concerns as I usually do. +1 respect for clearing it up personally ... regardless, just be a little more aware of what you should represent at EDM events, and I'll watch my mouth."

Madge replied ... "Communication is always best. You should have called me first, we could have cleared it up 'privately.' ;) See you on the road." 

Wait wait wait, I hope you saw this part "regardless, just be a little more aware of what you should represent at EDM events, and I'll watch my mouth."

Dude keeps digging the hole deeper

Why would Madonna carry herself differently at some "EDM" (Electronic Dance Music) event than anywhere else? Deadmau5 you just got caught being a super-huge douchebag and now you're trying to save face.

This cocky prick must really think his "EDM" shows are god's gift to E-tards. Jesus christ man you just steal other peoples' music and do weird shit to it on a computer, just shut the fuck up. Oh and saying "+1 respect" makes you look like a fucking idiot also. I've never seen a loser of the week keep up their loserdom for two days in a row, maybe we have our first loser of the month, who knows.

Monday, March 26, 2012

This is why

aspiring to be a journalist is crazy.

Woman Sues Apple for Glass Doors

From Newser:
"Apple wants to be cool and modern" with its nifty glass front doors, says the indignant lawyer for an 83-year-old woman who was foiled by those very doors, "but they have to realize that the elderly generation are their customers, too." Evelyn Paswall, the octogenarian in question, broke her nose after failing to see the door at a Long Island Apple Store and walking right into it. 

Try walking into that
Now she's suing for $1 million, the New York Post reports. Apple has to "appreciate the danger that this high-tech modern architecture poses to some people," her lawyer says. Paswall also wants Apple to put warning marks on the glass doors so that similar situations can be avoided in the future. The Post notes that there were white warning strips on the glass Friday, but they may not have been there in December when the incident occurred: "There were no markings on the glass or they were inadequate," Paswall's lawyer says. "My client is an octogenarian. She sees well, but she did not see any glass."

Do people have no shame? Suing because your old ass was walking around aimlessly and smacked her face off the front door of the Apple Store. You don't get to sue for stupidity. Sorry old lady, if you think you're cool enough to buy Apple shit, you should be cool enough to see the glare off a huge glass wall. Apple's lawyers are going to eat this shit right up.

Loser of the Week Already: 3/26/12

From TMZ:
Madonna is under attack by one of the most famous DJs in the world ... who's PISSED at the Material Girl for glamorizing the use of ecstasy during a recent concert.

DJ Deadmau5 was clearly watching when Madge took the stage at the Ultra Music Festival in Miami this weekend and shouted to the crowd, "How many people in this crowd have seen molly?" (check out video below at :45 mark)

FYI -- "Molly" is a slang term for MDMA, one of the key ingredients in ecstasy ... a drug that's hugely popular with people in the electronic dance music community.

While the crowd CHEERED at Madge's comment ... Deadmau5 went to his Facebook page and ripped the singer a new one.

"Very classy there madonna. 'HUR DUR HAS ANYONE SEEN MOLLY???' such a great message for the young music lovers at ultra."

He added, "Quite the f'n philanthropist. but hey, at least yer HIP AND TRENDY! f*cking cant smack my head hard enough right now."

So far, no response from Madonna. 

This shit is so hilarious. Has techno really become such a fad that DJ's are ripping Madonna? Dude I'm no Madonna fan but as far as successful musicians Deadmau5 can't even be on the same planet as Madonna. She's been a slut sex symbol for decades. She was probably on Molly getting boned and writing music when Deadmau5 was born.

This shit does bring up a good point about drug use and techno music. Guess what Deadmau5? Madonna wasn't promoting drug use, she was just asking a question. And guess what? The only people who cheered when she asked if anyone had seen Molly were ones who know the inside reference and were on Molly at the time. And it was EVERYONE. You would have thought by their reaction she asked "Who wants world peace?" Because they were all rolling their faces off on Ecstasy and Molly.

Yeah I'm sure this guy doesn't take drugs

Seriously techno DJ's, if it wasn't for MDMA 99% of people wouldn't go to your shows or buy your trippy merch. It's ingrained in the culture. You don't come from all over the world to dance your face off in Miami while sober, trust me.

This is like the equivalent of a rock band in the 60's talking shit about Jefferson Airplane for promoting drug use in White Rabbit or the Beatles for Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Drugs and music go together.

You aren't looking out for kids Deadmau5, you are a douchebag in Mickey Ears who is apparently straight edge or something. No one cares, just keep making wobble wobble music for kids to dance to while they are fucked up. Know your place. Loser.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

School destroys students dream

So this morning everyone was talking about a high school dude who spammed hot chicks on twitter to come to prom with him. Porn star Megan Piper accepted but now the school district is fucking up my man's hopes.

From Fox News:
A Minnesota high school student who lined up a porn actress to be his senior prom date will not be allowed to take the adult star to the dance, FoxNews.com has learned.

Mike Stone, 18, of Oakdale, Minn., sent hundreds of tweets this week to adult film stars asking them to accompany him to the May 12 dance at Tartan High School. Two actresses, Emy Reyes and Megan Piper, soon responded, with Reyes saying, "I would love tooo" [sic] and Piper agreeing to attend if Stone covered her travel costs from Los Angeles.

But Stone's dream date won't happen, according to school district officials. 
Patty Phillips, superintendent of the North St. Paul-Maplewood-Oakdale School District, told FoxNews.com in an email that Piper, 19, would be prohibited from attending the dance because her appearance would be "inconsistent" with two district policies pertaining to visitors to school buildings and sites.

The policy states that any individual or group can be denied entry to those events if the visit is "not in the best interest" of the district, district spokeswoman Jennifer McNeil told FoxNews.com.

No porn star prom date for you, Mike
This is just bullshit. I mean this guy proved that if you harass famous hot girls, they will bite eventually. And then the school says she can't come because she sucks dick for a living? I don't know I mean there are plenty of porn star caliber dick suckers in high schools across America and they are welcome at prom, come on bros through my man Mike a bone, literally.

Humpday Hotty: Natascha McElhone

This week I got the sexy kryptonite of Hank Moody in Californication. Hank plows through more pussy than Charlie Sheen on the show, but his baby-mama's hotness will go up against any of his younger conquests. MILF Alert.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Peyton getting paid in Denver

As we speak Peyton Manning is anouncing he will play for the next five years in Denver. For 96 Million fucking bucks over five years.

From ESPN:
The Peyton Manning era in Denver is officially under way. 

The Denver Broncos introduced Manning as their new starting quarterback at a news conference Tuesday afternoon. Manning earlier reached agreement on a five-year, $96 million contract on Tuesday, a league source told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

He will wear the No. 18, which had been retired by the team, for the Broncos.
A source told ESPN business analyst Andrew Brandt that Manning will be paid $18 million in 2012. 

He will be paid $20 million in both the 2013 and '14 seasons if he passes a team physical to be given 10 days before the start of the 2013 league year. There is an injury waiver included in the contract, however, covering Manning's surgically repaired neck. If he re-injures the neck during the 2013 season, the Broncos will not have to pay his 2014 salary. 

He is scheduled to make $19 million in both '15 and '16, but must pass a physical before each league year.
The Broncos now will attempt to trade quarterback Tim Tebow, sources told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortenesen and Schefter.

Manning and Elway, out of the closet

Alright blah blah blah Peyton is going to get hurt in the next five years and we'll see what happens. What I can't believe is that the Broncos unretired 18 for Peyton to wear. I mean John Elway might as well just suck on Peyton Manning's nuts in front of us all. All I have to say is that if this move doesn't pan out for Denver the fucking Tebow train riders will go berserk.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Google investigation may break their bank

From Newser:
Last month, it emerged that Google was skirting privacy settings on Apple's Safari browser; now federal, state, and European Union officials are investigating the since-halted practice, which centers on the installation of tracking files. Google faces a $16,000 fine per violation per day—which could add up to quite a lot, given that millions were hit with the cookies—in a case that could go on for years, the Wall Street Journal reports. 

The latest investigations follow last year's legal brouhaha over Google's Buzz service, which resulted in a company promise not to mislead users about privacy matters. The Federal Trade Commission now wants to find out whether Google broke the promise by installing the cookies, which were associated with the company's "+1" button on ads. But Google says it didn't realize the extent of the tracking, which makes for a difficult legal case: The law calls for proof that the firm knew what it was doing.

What kind of horseshit is that at the end? Google might not have even known it was illegally tracking people on the internet? That is the lamest thing I've ever heard. How can your programs do things that no one at one of the most powerful internet companies don't notice? If that isn't a bag of shit lie then that is really scary. Companies tracking users without even "realiz[ing] the extent of the tracking". That makes me wonder but I think when the dust settles Google is looking at one of the biggest fines ever in US history if the FTC finds out they knowingly misled consumers.

Watching these nerds fight...

make me miss being a kid. I mean these guys are confident enough to just roll around at college stabbing each other and shit. Yeah it's crazy and stupid but goddamnit it make me miss being young.

I mean in all honesty that LARP shit is more productive than what I do at school. They make foam weapons and shit and organize squads and whatnot. Shit it might not be my idea of fun, but I'm thinkin' I might have to get the old wiffle bat out and play defend the keg tomorrow at St. Patties. At least fighting over beer makes sense.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

One hour of hookah toking equals 100 cigs

From Dailymail:
Hubbly-bubbly, hookah or shisha - whatever name it goes by, puffing on a Turkish waterpipe is the latest trend to hit British bars and cafes. 

The flavoured tobacco, which is smoked via a long pipe connected to a vessel filled with water, is particularly fashionable among young people, with the number of specialist bars rising 210 per cent since 2007.

But the World Health Organisation has warned that a one-hour shisha session can be as harmful as smoking 100 cigarettes.

This is because a cigarette smoker typically takes between eight and 12 puffs, inhaling 0.5 to 0.6 litres of smoke.

But during an hour-long shisha sessions smokers may take up to 200 drags, ranging from 0.15 to 1 litre of smoke each. 

Hookah is an interesting subject. Hip college kids are all about it. It's seen a very exotic because of it's Middle Eastern roots. And when you think about it this makes sense. A cigarette is quick, a few drags and you can be done. Shit I've seen people suck 'em down so quick you don't even realize they lit one. But hookah is a more relaxed, all-day type affair. Hang out, take a drag, drink whatever.But I've smoked it a bunch of times and it is true that I've probably never just taken a drag and tha'ts it. You hang out and shoot the shit and the hookah will burn for at least a half hour. Even passing the pipe between five people you end up taking a lot of smoke.

But one thing I will say is that I don't know a lot of people who use hookah as regularly as cigarettes. I mean okay so one hookah session is a ton of cigarettes. If I smoke hookah three times a year with friends than that is a tiny amount of smoke compared to a smoker who smokes cigarettes daily. I'm sure there are smokers who inhale hookah all the the time but I think it is just a fad that really will die down and not become some big huge smoking epidemic.

Oh and I hate when doctors think that because something tastes good young people don't realize the risks. Every day millions of people smoke and drink and do any number of things they know is bad for them. They just don't give a fuck and need to relax.

Idol Contestant booted for hiding arrests

From the Smoking Gun:
The “American Idol” contestant expected to be booted from the show tonight is the subject of five outstanding arrest warrants in New Jersey, The Smoking Gun has learned.
Jermaine Jones, 25, is wanted in three separate counties for failing to appear in court on a variety of criminal charges dating back to 2006, according to court records. His two most recent arrests came last year in Camden County, where he works as a vocal instructor.

The oldest warrant stems from a 2006 narcotics bust in Salem County. Jones’s next collar came in 2008 in Woodbury, where he was cited on an open container charge. In 2009 he was nabbed for providing cops with a false name in Winslow Township.

Jones's first arrest in 2011 came in March, when he provided a cop with the false name "Joel Jones" to "avoid being apprehended on outstanding warrants for his arrest," according to a criminal complaint. He was nabbed in late-November for again giving false information to a police officer. This time, he claimed to be "Kareem D. Watkins" in "an attempt to avoid arrest for numerous outstanding warrants for his arrest," according to a Municipal Court criminal complaint.

In a Twitter post last night, Jones reported, “Awww I will no longer b on the show.” While he did not expound further on his departure from the Fox TV hit, he apparently has been bounced for failing to disclose his arrest history to the show’s producers.

Well done idiot
I always find it so stupid when people try to hide shit like arrests and warrants. I mean you are only on the biggest Fox show of the decade, I'm sure they won't figure out that you've been hit up by the cops for crimes including a narcotics bust. Earth to jackass, they always find out. And this dude is clearly a liar. I mean lying to cops about who you are is another idiotic thing to do. They are the fucking cops. A simple "can I see your id sir?" And that lie is boned.

But that being said I have never seen the dude sing. He will probably get scooped up by some small label and do okay. That is unless he gets arrested any more. How many times do Jersey cops let you falsify your identity before they put you away? This guy's time must be coming soon. But then he'll he street cred. Who knows I just know he's a dumbass.

Commit a misdemeanor, NY takes your DNA

From Newser:
New York is poised to become the first state in the nation to require people convicted of any crime, no matter how minor, to provide DNA samples for a database. The state's lawmakers are putting the finishing touches on the measure, which would double the size of New York's DNA database, reports the New York Times. Supporters—including all 62 of the state's district attorneys—say the move will catch more violent offenders and exonerate more innocent people. 

"Every single time we’ve expanded the DNA database, we have shown how effective it is in convicting people who commit crimes, and we’ve also shown that it can be used to exonerate the innocent,” the chief of the Citizens Crime Commission says. The legislation would allow both prosecutors and defense lawyers to access the database. Some lawmakers are seeking to add a measure to the bill that would make it a violation, not a crime, to possess very small amounts of marijuana in public.

Trading DNA for weed decriminalization

Woah, that last sentence saved me from railing on this bill. If you are going to take DNA for small crimes then you should at least admit that having a small amount of weed isn't a crime. Let's be real.

I mean I don't like the cops knowing me. They don't have my prints or my DNA hell they have only interacted with me by ticketing my car, once. I like not being on the law's radar. But that being said if you get caught for a crime, no matter how small, in our society you sacrifice something. A fine or something maybe, and soon to be your DNA. So its business as usual in New York until this thing passes and changes weed into a violation. But when it does this is a big step for legal weed in New York.

Humpday Hotty: Tia Carrere

So you remember the hot chick from the Wayne's World movie right? Well I caught about 30 seconds of the Celebrity Apprentice the other day and besides recoiling in horror when I saw Lisa Lamponelli in the show, I was brought back to the lusting for Tia Carrere from Wayne's World that most dudes felt when they saw those movies.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Can Yahoo get some facebook money?

Yesterday I posted about Facebook getting ready for a big lawsuit from Yahoo. Well today Yahoo followed their threat and filed suit against Facebook.

From Newser:
Yahoo followed through on its threat to sue Facebook today, filing a suit accusing the social networking company of violating 10 Yahoo patents. The suit, filed by new CEO Scott Thompson, reportedly comes after months of talks between the two companies; it alleges that Facebook got a "free ride" by using patented technology covering everything from messaging to online ads. 

Yahoo is struggling and Facebook is about to go public; suits like this are common in such cases, an expert tells the Wall Street Journal. Another tells Reuters that the timing might make Facebook "more willing to resolve" the differences. 

The suit alleges that Facebook succeeded by using principles "Yahoo had its pulse on" years earlier, a former Yahoo exec says; one example is Facebook's newsfeed, which is similar to Yahoo's patent for custom data streams. "With this lawsuit Yahoo is saying they had the ideas first," the exec says. 

Indeed, the lawsuit quotes Mark Zuckerberg himself, Mashable reports; he once said, "Getting there first is not what it's all about." A Facebook spokesperson says the company first learned of the suit through the media.

Dipping their hands in the Facebook pot o gold

Some say this is Yahoo reaching their hands into Facebook's pockets before the IPO but I don't. I think that these internet companies basically are forced to sue one another so that a court can decide what kind of idea-stealing is legal and what kind is not. All these companies do the same things whether you call them news feeds or timelines or whatever.

Yahoo basically has to sue to make someone decide whether the ideas Facebook got from them constitutes breaking the law. We'll see. I personally think that Facebook will settle out of court and pay off Yahoo a big chunk of dough.

Losers of the Week: 3/12/12

From TMZ:
The gruesome photos of Donald Trump's sons posing triumphantly with mutilated animal corpses in Africa isn't going over too well with the animal rights groups ... duh ... and now, they're firing back ... bashing the Trumps as "pitiful" bloodthirsty morons.

TMZ spoke with Jack Carone from In Defense of Animals ... who said, "Would any intelligent person feel moved to murder a magnificent elephant, then further insult and desecrate by hacking off his or her tail as an additional gesture of dominance?"

He added, "Privilege has clearly not bought them the sensitivity or wisdom to view the world as anything but their personal playground, including the imagined entitlement to end the lives of sensitive and social animals for mere amusement."

"This is truly a pitiful testimony to their lack of character and compassion, at the ultimate expense of their innocent fellow Earthlings."

As TMZ previously reported, Donald's sons -- Donald Jr. and Eric -- went on a hunting safari in Zimbabwe a year ago this month, and proudly showed off their trophy kills -- including an elephant, crocodile, kudu, civet cat and waterbuck.


You would think that sons of Donald Trump would know better.

Look, I'm not some crazy hunting person but I understand people like to do it. I don't mind people going around to hunt deer or ducks or whatever but isn't it poaching when you kill an elephant? How can they not be endangered?

I'm sure it's just a case of these two are rich enough where they can basically kill anything they want without any legal trouble. If it were you or me in that picture we would already be arrested and tossed in prison. But oh your last name is Trump? Fire away on Africa's endangered species then. Such losers.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Mississippi and Alabama lead nation in stupidity

From Huffington Post:
Ask President Barack Obama about his religious affiliation, and he's a Christian. Ask Mississippi or Alabama voters, and you might find a different answer. 

In the midst of tight GOP primaries in both states, Public Policy Polling (PPP) has released information showing that a majority of likely GOP primary voters in the Deep South do not see Obama as a Christian. PPP's Alabama survey of 600 likely GOP primary voters found that only 14 percent consider Obama a Christian, while 45 percent said he is a Muslim and 41 percent answered that they were not sure. 

A similar picture surfaced in Mississippi. Of 656 likely GOP primary voters surveyed, 12 percent said Obama was a Christian, 52 percent classified him as a Muslim, and 36 percent fell in the "not sure" category. 


How do states like Alabama and Mississippi function? I mean 36% "not sure" of what your presidents religion is? What the fuck?

The scary part is if the poll asked about actual issues the answers would probably be even more damning. And the scariest part of these numbers is that these people will vote solely based on the fact that they think Obama is an evil Muslim because his name is like Osama.

Here is my open letter to Mississippi and Alabama:

Dear Mississippi and Alabama voters,

The civil war is over and has been for over 100 years, and you lost. Black people are free and smarter than you. Our president is one of them and it's okay because he is smart. He is also a Christian even though his name sounds like a very infamous Muslim. Oh and also the president last elected left the current one holding a bag of shit and stop denying it.

And by the way the leading candidate from your party is a *gasp* Mormon! That's right, they followed a con-artist into the desert after being run out of countless towns across the country. And what's even more shocking is that their religion resembles your own. Joseph Smith had golden tablets with a fake language on them, and Moses went up a mountain and inscribed a tablet with some rules that god told him. Seem similar? They are.

So go ahead and vote with Jesus or whatever you are going to do but if your candidate beats Obama, then you get no financial support for the government. Wait what, you are both in the top five for poverty rates as of 2011? Sorry no government support for you. Wait, you voted for the guys who want to end the "welfare state" in America? Can't you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I thought that was pure Amurica? I mean taxes are the devil right? So if you don't want taxes then you don't get:

  1. roads
  2. police
  3. education
  4. fire department

just to name a few.

So don't be silly Alabamans and Mississippians, vote for a candidate based on their policy, not your crackpot "he's a damn secret Muslim shit", it really just makes the whole country look bad.

Chess outlaws sluttiness

From NY Daily News:
Women who wear low-cut blouses to compete in chess tournaments are being put in check.

New rules dictate that female players in the European Women’s Championship in Turkey cannot reveal “décolletés,” or cleavage.

Sava Stoisavljevic, the female European Chess Union General Secretary, told Chessbase News that the change in dress code was due to female players’ appearance causing a ruckus in the peanut gallery.
“I heard many comments from spectators and coaches,” Stoisavljevic said.

Players can keep two buttons on their tops open, but no more. Skirts must be no shorter than 10 centimeters (3.9 inches) above the knee.

Stoisavljevic didn’t seem to mind that the female players dressed in skimpy garments.

“It's nice to see chess players with short skirts — they are very pretty girls. But I believe there should still be some limit.”

The general secretary said that the rules were being put in place because some women weren’t dressing properly.

The rules, which apply to both men and women, demand that players wear clean clothing that does not show excessive wear or holes.

Players must not have body odor.

Sunglasses may be worn during play; hats, with the exception of religious head garb, may not. Flip-flops are banned.

This is some shit. I mean I suck at chess so if you sat a chick across from me with her boobs a poppin' I'd be in trouble. But I mean it is the women's championship so unless there are women who enjoy the company of ladies I think they are mostly on a level playing field.

This story makes me wonder how rowdy chess tournaments go. I mean are there really dudes heckling female competitors because they are showing a little skin? It seems more like fucking Lingerie League football then chess. Weird. I mean the thing is in Turkey why the fuck not just beat the dudes who are yelling with sticks? I thought that is like the baseline punishment over there.

So in this age of Google I decided to investigate the hottest chess playin' women out there. Here is a sample of my results:
Russia - Alexandra Kosteniuk

UAE - Mariam Mansur

France - Sophie Milliet

Peep more of the lovely female chess cream of the crop here.

Needless to say I was going to make one of the a Humpday Hotty but I mean come on, I have a smut-peddling operation to run here not a charity for smart chick pictures.

Facebook getting sued out the ass

From Dailymail:
Facebook has warned it may be forced to shut down if it loses a series of costly lawsuits.
The social networking site set out the stark message in a document prepared for potential investors before its $100billion stock market floating this spring.

It said the various legal actions, including looming legal action from Yahoo, 'could have a significant impact on our business, financial condition or results of operations.'

It added: 'The terms of such a settlement or judgment may require us to cease some or all of our operations or pay substantial amounts to the other party.'

But the firm's warnings are being seen, by analysts, simply as an exploration of the 'worst-case scenarios' for investors and a way for Facebook to cover its back.
This has been backed up by the firm, and by American banks who have increased the firm's overdraft from $2.5billion to $5billion.

Creditors have also extended its $3billion bridging loan to cover tax as some 3,000 staff prepare to exercise share options worth $7.5billion.

Facebook added: 'We do not believe the final outcome of those matters we currently face will have a material adverse effect.'

The warning is contained within documents filed with America's financial watchdog - the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Rich and getting sued errday

Blah blah blah Facebook is just covering their ass. When you are a massive corporation lawsuits are a part of the cost of business. Companies like this get sued every day by shit tons of people and companies.

This is probably one reason for the timing of the Facebook IPO. If your company is facing huge legal battles, an influx of a few billion never hurts. Smart investors will realize that investing in Facebook out of the gate is basically betting on the company to come out of these lawsuits unscathed. You give them money, they defend themselves in court, then the company keeps growing and hopefully you make money. Mark Zuckerberg is not only a computer genius but he is applying his brain to business and this IPO more and more is looking like a genius choice.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Flight attendant goes nuts

Fron the New York Post:
DALLAS -- An American Airlines flight to Chicago was delayed at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport Friday morning after crew members and passengers had to restrain a flight attendant who began ranting over the public-address system that the plane was going to crash, the Dallas Observer reported.

The Observer, which spoke to two passengers on Flight 2332, said police removed the kicking and screaming flight attendant from the plane after the incident.

"We are not taking off," she said as the plane was taxiing on the runway, according to the passengers. "We're having technical difficulties. We are heading back to the gate."

Although another crew member told passengers to disregard her warning, the flight attendant kept ranting about technical problems.
According to The Dallas Morning News, she also referred to the airline's bankruptcy reorganization during her tirade.

"Captain," she said. "I am not responsible for crashing this plane."

Some passengers joined crew members in restraining the flight attendant. The plane, which was scheduled to take off for Chicago at 8:25am returned to the gate at 9:15am, the Observer reported.

According to The Morning News, the flight took off for Chicago shortly before 10:00am after the flight attendant was removed by police.

Like this, but crazier

So how fucking freaked out would you be if you were on a plane knocking back nips of Jim Beam while a flight attendant flips the fuck out about technical difficulties? And then they actually went on with the flight. Jesus.

I would have gotten the fuck off that shit even if the stewardess was clearly on enough Valium to kill a small leopard. I'm not taking any chances when a crew member uses the word "crash" crazy or not. The story would have looked a little different if she freaked the fuck out and then they took off and crashed. That would have been fucked. But I'm sure alcohol sales on that flight were through the motherfucking roof for sure.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

That's My Boy looks like shit

So I think that this new movie with Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg is probably the final nail in the coffin for Adam Sandler. I mean how long could this guy ride through life playing himself ie A loser that some people used to think was funny.

I mean I guess it could be kind of funny but when you combine two funny sketch comics, one who is washed up and the other who isn't great to begin with, I think I smell a box office bomb coming.

Even Pat Robertson wants legal pot

From Newser:
Pat Robertson is not cool with a lot of stuff, like abortion and Islam, but apparently he's down with toking. The evangelical leader has discussed his support for legalizing marijuana in the past, but in a new interview with the New York Times, he appears to have "fully embraced the idea," the Times notes. "I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol," he says. Of course, "I’ve never used marijuana and I don’t intend to, but it’s just one of those things that I think: This war on drugs just hasn’t succeeded." Legalizing marijuana would cut costs and reduce overcrowding in prisons, he argues.

Robertson said as much in 2010, then again last week on the 700 Club, but the Times notes that his followers had basically dismissed those comments. Now he's "doubling down," says one legalization advocate, making him an unlikely hero to many in the legalization movement. Robertson says he "absolutely" supports ballot measures, such as those up for vote in Colorado and Washington in the fall, to roll back punishments and prohibitions regarding pot. But he won't actively campaign for them, since "I'm not a crusader," he says. He also doesn't encourage people "to use narcotics in any way, shape, or form," he adds. (Another amusing quote from the interview, on Robertson's relationship with alcohol: "When I was in college, I hit it pretty hard, but that was before Christ.")

Pat Robertson says fuck you for not legalizing weed

So if you don't know Pat Robertson is a staunch conservative evangelical nut-job. So when he wants to legalize pot, you know it's probably time to talk about it seriously. This isn't even a left vs right issue anymore. It is a logical argument versus a government that makes millions to fight the war on drugs and private prison interests who want more and more people to be locked up so they can profit from it.

Not convinced? If you have Netflix look up the documentary The Union. There is a high quality version of the full movie right here.

When you have people like Pat Robertson lined up to support legal pot then you really know we are behind the times.

I Support KONY

Alright yesterday I guarantee you got spammed by this fucking anti-KONY shit. Kony is the leader of a group in Uganda who are committing war crimes and slaughtering people. 

Here is my letter to the fucking people spamming everywhere.

Dear Idiots,
On behalf of rational people everywhere I beseech you, stop spamming Facebook with this Kony shit. Here is a list of other massive slaughters going on around the world that you haven't heard of or don't care about for some reason
  1. Somalia
  2. Congo
  3. Burma
  4. Sudan
  5. Syria
So I'm going to take the liberty of establishing some rules to seperate people who actually care about the slaughter in Uganda and those who are being fuckers.

Rule One: I promise that 99% of Americans can't locate Uganda on a map or even talk about the country at all.

Rule Two: Liking a Facebook post or reposting some article about the incident doesn't actually do anything. If you want to actually help then fucking sign up to join the UN peacekeeping forces or get off your motherfucking computer and raise money to help victims or something. Social media doesn't stop bullets you fucking first world morons.

Rule Three: You can only say you care about genocide if you care ALL THE TIME. I know everyone is just reading one article going "oh no how terrible!" reposting the stupid thing and then continuing on with their lives.

Listen, just don't act like some holier-than-thou activist when you really aren't. I know you are more concerned with your March Madness pool than people being killed in Africa. I just ask that people be honest.

Anyway if you want to sit through a 30 minute guilt trip about a country you don't know or understand than tune in for this snoozer that started all the hipster humanitarians in a frenzy.

But just be honest and don't watch it because I know you don't care enough to actually do anything. I'll be the first to admit that I don't.

And if you do care, power to you. Go grab an AK and a plane ticket and make the dude stop.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Peyton and Colts parting ways

From Newser:
The "sources" were right: Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts announced today that he won't be playing for the team next season after 14 years, reports the Indianapolis Star. "It's weighed heavy on my heart," said an emotional Manning. "But I am at peace with it." Colts owner Jim Irsay said the circumstances of the QB's hefty contract were "too difficult to overcome," adding that the team would retire Manning's No. 18. So where to next? 

Bleacher Report has five teams here that should be on the top of the list. "As I go, I go with just a few words ... for Colts fans," said Manning. "Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I truly have enjoyed being your quarterback."

Peace Peyton

I'm calling this shit right fucking now. Some shit team is going to pay for Manning and then he is going to re-injure his neck and be done forever. Every time a quarterback gets hit it jars his whole head and neck. Good luck lasting the next few years in the NFL Peyton.

If I were him I'd just star in commercials and become a commentator or some shit. Why keep playing until you get your neck snapped off? Fucking of course all pro athletes are ego maniacs so he'll play until he leaves the field on a stretcher.

Humpday Hotty: Louise Cliffe

Louise Cliffe, ever heard of her? OF course you haven't, that's why I'm here. Apparently she is some kind of all-around hot chick from the UK. Singer, dancer, model AKA she's smokin' so she can do whatever the fuck she wants. We got some titty shots too so be careful on this shit at work bros.