MENLO PARK, Calif. -- Facebook is making it easier for people who express suicidal thoughts on the social networking site to get help.
A program launching Tuesday enables users to instantly connect with a crisis counselor from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline through Facebook's "chat" messaging system.
If a friend spots a suicidal thought on someone's page, he can report it to Facebook by clicking a link next to the comment. Facebook then sends an email to the person who posted the comment encouraging that user to call the hotline or click a link for a confidential chat.
Typical fucking Facebook. Thinking that someone who wants to commit suicide might not do it by chatting with someone who probably runs down a list of reassuring phrases like "you matter" and "the life of a crack-whore can be fulfilling if you give it a chance".
Which brings me to my actual point. My candidate for worst job ever is whatever a "crisis counselor" is. You have to sit there and wait for people about to off themselves to hit you up so you and only you can try and talk them off the ledge. Sounds like the most depressing job ever. I mean what if someone has you on the phone while they fucking jump off a building or some shit? That shit will stay with you for life.
And if that's not bad enough I'm sure that 99% of the time people who call those hotlines are 14-year-old girls who are like "my boyfriend of two weeks just broke up with me, I can't live without him." So you basically sit there with the phone off the hook and let them cry and whine at nothing until they hang up while you whack it. Hmm...maybe it isn't such a bad gig after all.
If you are on Facebook making a shitty status about killing yourself you are an attention whore and it'd be better for everyone if you just grow a pair and get it over with. No one loves you.
And thank you internet, because when I google searched suicide demotivationals for a second I thought there wouldn't be a ton of funny-ass pictures. You proved me wrong.