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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Man Issue: Piss Tests

Alright I haven't done a Man Issue in so long, and this is more like a people issue, but fuck it.

Dude, I fucking hate piss tests. Hate 'em. Why the fuck do they even test for weed anymore? I mean I know it's no decriminalized in New York but jesus. Like a dude who smokes weed is going to be some kind of crackhead who can't even flip burgers? Bullshit. I know I can out work plenty of people, I just like to unwind a little bit after, you know? Who the fuck cares.

I mean don't get me wrong, its not hard to pass a piss test if you know in advance. You just gotta actually know in advance. It's still stupid though. A crackhead could give up crack for a month and get a job and score all the crack he wants.

Drug tests aren't hard to beat. If you smoke a shit-ton of weed, just quit a month ahead, and exercise. The morning of the test take a flush and pound water like a fucking fish.

But another thing is that piss testing creates this whole industry of shit that says it helps you beat a test. 99% of the shit is over-priced AND doesn't work. I mean you can even buy this thing that's like a fake dick that pisses the clean piss for you. Does anyone buy it? I don't know, but I'm sure someone has tried that shit. But I mean it's fucking $190. That is outrageous. Just hit the fucking treadmill and sweat your ass off, drink a ton of water. The whole fucking industry is trying to fuck over desperate people. Thanks a lot, drug tests.

I know a place full of crack and cash too, it's called McDonald's. Start flippin' burgers and get all the crack you want.

All I'm saying is that drug tests don't stop employees from doing drugs. They might stop you from getting high before the test, but most companies only test once, so once you're in, you can do what the fuck you want. As long as they don't catch you smoking rock on your break you are fine. Or just keep toking and buy a fake cock for $190. You can do all the drugs you want and keep pissing clean.

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