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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Iran Chillin Off the Cape

Well, looks like Iran wants in on the beautiful east coast of the US. Some Rear Admiral or poo-plunger or something from their navy said that the ocean is free so Iran's navy can do what they want.

From Newser:

American ships patrol close to Iranian coasts, so the Iranians are going to send their own warships to patrol near the waters of one of the world's most "arrogant" powers, vows the head of Iran's navy. 

Rear Admiral Habibollah Sayyari, speaking at a ceremony marking the anniversary of the start of the Iran-Iraq War, said that "with the help of our sailors who follow the concept of the supreme jurisprudence," Iran will establish a strong presence near the US East Coast, Reuters reports. 

Iran—which sent warships through the Suez Canal earlier this year for the first time since 1979—also plans to send ships to fight piracy in the Gulf of Aden. "We've been pushing freedom of the seas for years and the Iranian navy can go wherever it wants," a Pentagon spokesman said. Of course, another official added that if Iranian warships choose to approach America's marine borders, "they might have some company."

Go go Iranian navy!

I love the response from the Pentagon, oh yeah the ocean is a free place blah blah blah but if Iran comes near our waters we're going to be up their ass with a hot poker. Like I couldn't guess that we would have 238,765 ships watching them while they pull their tugboat up in Provincetown to hit the Lobster Pot or something.

Thank you Pentagon for making me feel safe even though motherfucking Iran is being wild as shit. Can't we at this point sink ships and make it look like an accident or some shit? I mean you'd think we would have that kind of fucking technology.

I hope they make it to the east coast and then their shit starts to leak or something and the coast guard has to bail them out. That would be fucking hilarious.

And also, why is the title of the head of a navy "Rear Admiral"? I mean try something more badass like "Supreme Boat-Jockey", Rear Admiral just makes me think of gay jokes. It's just who I am.

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